Roland's choice
by VictoriaJameson
Summary: Roland's choice gave Sofia a family, for better or for worse...or for both. AU, non-canon, not sure how this will end just yet, but I have a beginning. Please R/R. Thanks!
1. Chapter 1

The coughing fit made me turn from the window. James was sitting in bed, hunched over, a kerchief held to his mouth. I quickly went to his side and rubbed his back. His face was red, this was a bad one, and it took forever to pass. It was even longer before he lay back against the pillows taking quick breaths.

He reached out and squeezed my hand. It was his way of telling me he was all right. I gave him a small smile. He was due for a new potion to stop the coughing and relieve the congestion in his lungs. I wondered what kept Cedric from arriving with it.

Unbeknownst to myself, I sighed in frustration.

"It won't be long, Sophia." James squeezed my hand again.

My eyes went to him in surprise, but then I realized that he meant to reassure me that it would not be long before Cedric arrived with the potion. _Or did he mean it won't be long and he won't be a burden to anyone anymore?_

"Cedric will be here soon," I agreed, hoping that was what James meant.

My brother closed his eyes. His skin was pale except for around his eyes and his lips. It made my stomach turn to look at him like this. He was fast asleep before Cedric burst in, flustered and breathing heavy, nearly dropping the phial holding the precious potion that bought James a little more time.

James woke, smiled and took the liquid from Cedric. Even after all this time, he still made a face while drinking the vile substance. Cedric glanced at me, apologizing with his eyes. "How are you this afternoon, Lord James?"

"Tired." James closed his eyes again, leaning deeper into the pillows.

Cedric nodded and took the phial. Once James began to snore, Cedric jerked his head toward the sitting room, and I followed. Once we were alone he whispered, "There is nothing more I can do. I cannot find anything that will let him alive any longer." Although this was not a new subject, new tears gathered in my eyes and my throat clenched. I nodded. Cedric took my hand. "I asked his Grace to allow me to summon the dragon healers but he refused."

I looked down. "Why should he waste resources on healing James when he has a new son now? A healthy son." I could not believe the words came out of my mouth with such rage.

Cedric set the phial on a nearby table, then took me in his arms. I felt myself blush and hoped Cedric did not notice and at the same time felt guilty for enjoying being embraced by Cedric while my brother was dying in the next room.

"I've failed," Cedric sighed. "I'm so sorry."

"No," I whispered, my chin barely on his shoulder. "It was said James would not see his first year. It is miraculous that he has seen sixteen. You've done more than anyone thought possible in the time you've been here."

Cedric pulled away and I noticed that not only did he not meet my eyes, he stiffened, as if he had just realized that holding me was improper. "I will sit with him a while. You need rest, Sophia."

"Thank you, Cedric." I turned for the door to head to my room.


	2. Chapter 2

The hall seemed brighter than James's rooms, though the feeling of impending death did not leave me. As I moved toward my own room, servants passed me, avoiding me as always. I did not mind. James was the only person who made me feel like I was part of the family. It was only he and Cedric that gave me a sense of belonging in this castle.

A baby's cry echoed as I reached the end of the hall. I grimaced, then smoothed my face. It was not baby Michael's fault that James would soon die. James was born sickly, while his twin Amber was born completely healthy. The twin's mother died in childbirth, and from what I understood, Duke Roland did everything in his power to keep James alive. James was the heir after all.

And James did live. But his health was never better than poor. Duke Roland petitioned King Stephan for a new wife, desperate to get himself an heir, but as Roland's first wife was a sister to King Stephan, the king denied the duke's request.

I never did understand that. Women died from childbirth far too often, and men often remarried quite quickly.

Eventually, Duke Roland began to groom Amber to be duchess after her father was gone. It was never known when James would pass, and Amber had the aptitude for learning, the guts for administration, and the grace that nobles needed. She was the perfect heir except that she was girl. And though she was expected to inherit all from Duke Roland, he still wanted a healthy son.

King Stephan finally granted Roland's wish for a new wife, and that was where my mother and I entered the picture. My mother was said to be the prettiest woman in the duchy, and as the king had limited Roland to women from only his own lands, Roland chose her to be his wife.

Mother was given no choice in the matter, but she was not the kind of woman who would have said no. In fact, from what I had been told back when we were merely peasants, my mother never said no to any man. And though most people would look down on such behavior, she was a beautiful woman, and few people could stay angry with her long.

At first, I was told I would not be joining mother and her new family in the castle, but someone convinced Duke Roland that acknowledging me as his daughter would show his people goodwill. He did not like the idea, especially since my true father's identity was unknown, but in the end, Roland did it. He announced mother as his wife, and me as his youngest daughter.

Michael's nurse ran from his room and spotted me. "Sofia, go watch Lord Michael," she ordered.

"I haven't slept-"

"Neither has he!" she cut me off and hurried down the hall the other way.

Rolling my eyes, I entered Michael's room and peered over the side of the cradle. For such a small thing, he screamed loudly. "If only James had half the lungs you have," I said to him, then glanced around to make sure we were alone. He was only a few weeks old, and it was as if once he was born, James began to let go. This made me angry with the tiny baby in front of me and I reminded myself again that this was not his fault.

I lifted him from the cradle and lay his head in the crook of my neck. "Shhh. Shhhh." He did not quiet, so I began to sing strings of silly words, trying to make rhymes and trying to be gentle, while walking back and forth through the nursery. In minutes, he was asleep. I stopped singing, but kept the pacing, afraid he would begin to scream again.

The labor had been hard on mother. Some said she was too old to be having another child, others said the Duke was cursed. She lived, though she was currently bedridden. I was only allowed to see her once since Michael had been born, and from what I was told, the same was true for her baby boy. He had a nurse and servants dedicated to him.

This, too, made me angry. James had only Cedric and me. It had been that way for years. In fact, I believed the only reason James and I had become so close was because Roland wanted me out of the way. Though he had publicly announced I was his daughter at the beginning, I was immediately relegated to caring for James, spending time with him, playing with him, caring for him. It was as if he and I had grown up together the last five years.

It was through James that I had met Cedric. Cedric was bold and tried to cure James in so many ways. Other wizards would never have bothered, but Cedric had a thirst for success and James had a thirst for his father's approval. They were both still thirsting.

Michael's nurse came in then, and gave me a suspicious look. "What do you do that makes him shut up?" she asked. I shrugged and moved to lay him down again. He stayed asleep and I hurried out the door, anxious to get to my own room and have a nap.


	3. Chapter 3

As I returned to James's rooms that evening, I was surprised to see Amber leaving. "Good evening, Sofia." I curtsied and returned the greeting.

"I see it won't be long now. Do take care of him, won't you?"

I felt rankled. "Of course, my lady."

She started to turn away but then paused. "How is our brother Michael?"

"Quite healthy."

Her lips turned down slightly. "And mother?"

"I'm not sure. I've only seen her once."

Amber nodded. "Well, then. Please see that James is comfortable. Father has been asking after him."

I inclined my head to her and she left. I found James in the bedroom, propped up against the pillows, staring at nothing in particular. My heart stopped for a moment, until he moved his head to look at me.

"Sofia." He smiled.

I smiled back and moved to sit next to him on the bed, kicking off my slippers.

"Spending the night again?"

"If you'll have me."

He frowned. "I take too much of your time."

"No. There's no one else I'd rather spend my time with." I saw Cedric's face in my thoughts, but James was a priority right now. "How do you feel this evening?"

"Troubled."

"How so?"

"I think Amber is going to try and hurt the baby."

"What? Why?"

He shrugged and moved his head so we looked at each other as we lay against the pillows. "Michael has replaced her. He's the heir now."

You are the heir! My heart was breaking. "But you don't really think Amber would hurt him?"

"I don't know. I just- I got this feeling when she was here." James coughed. Luckily, it did not lead to a bad fit this time. "I worry about what is going to happen when I'm gone."

"Well that won't be for a long time from now."

"Sofia." He said it gently, but I heard the reprimand. "Please. I can't avoid the truth. And I don't want to. And that means you have to admit it too."

I began to cry and he moved to hold me. "I don't want to face the truth, James."

He had one arm around me, and the other was stroking my hair. I laughed through the tears suddenly. "Why are you comforting me? I should be comforting you?"

"You have been for five years. Now it's my turn." His voice was thick. I buried my head into his chest and he held me while I cried.

"James, you are my best friend. I don't know what I would have done here without you."

"You are my best friend too, and my best sister." We were silent for a moment. "You'll have to keep Cedric in line after I'm gone."

I laughed. "Yeah, I'm guessing he'll have a lot more time on his hands to get in trouble."

James laughed too. "Stay here with me, please. I'm tired, and I don't want to be alone."

I reached down and pulled a blanket from the end of the bed, then snuggled against him. "Good sleep, James."

"Good sleep, Sofia."


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: This is a first draft, so please excuse any errors. I will edit later. However, constructive criticism is always welcome. Thank you!

The next morning, Baileywick arrived at James's suite to tell me that Duke Roland requested for I have lunch with him. Cedric and James glanced at each other, and I knew I could not decline. Baileywick nodded and left as quickly as he had come. I turned back to James and Cedric, both of whom were frowning. My stomach fluttered.

"Do you think it's bad news?"

"It's just… unusual," James had to find the right word. "When was the last time you had lunch with Father?"

"The day he married mother."

"Exactly." James looked at Cedric and they seemed to communicate without words.

"What?" I exclaimed at them.

"I will sit with Lord James while you eat with the duke," Cedric said quickly. Too quickly.

I let it pass. "Thank you, Cedric."

"You'll need to dress up," James looked me over.

"What, you think I don't dress up for you every day?" I teased.

James smiled. "I'm not the duke."

I sighed and watched Cedric listen to James's lungs and heart and do some other random tests that probably meant absolutely nothing. Even when we were younger, James had rarely been out of bed, often had to be helped or carried to the window or a chair. His legs were weak, but Cedric insisted on testing James's strength every day.

After a few minutes, I realized that I was not watching Cedric's ministrations as much as I was watching Cedric. He was slim, but fit, he had a strong profile, but caring eyes. And his hands, though sometimes they were dyed from some plant, or dirty from some spell, his hands were gentle when they needed to be. Like yesterday, when he held me. And his scent…

James coughed and I looked back to him. It was not one of his regular coughs though. James had a teasing smile upon his face as regarded me. I blushed furiously. "I'll go get you some water." I hurried away, knowing that my brother had caught me ogling Cedric. _How can I go back in there now?_ I did not want to return with the water, but I had to.

Upon reentry, James was nearly laughing and Cedric was confused. I gave James a withering look, which made him laugh out loud. "Have I missed something?" Cedric asked, looking between us.

I said no the same time that James said yes. James began to laugh, and Cedric followed suit, still confused, and I threw my hands in the air. "I guess I better go get dressed for lunch." Mainly, I just wanted to hide my furiously red face. I nearly ran down the hall.

After washing my face and dressing up a little, I arrived at the duke's private study. I knocked, Baileywick answered and then announced my arrival. Duke Roland stood and I gave him a deep curtsy while lowering my eyes. He asked me to rise and then motioned me toward a small table set for two.

"Thank you for inviting me for lunch, your Grace." It was the polite thing to say even though he did invite me, it was a command. Also, he had never told me I could call him Father, so to me, he was _Duke Roland_ or _Your Grace_.

"Thank you for accepting," his voice was sugary sweet. A servant came forward and poured us wine and another served us soup and pieces of bread. Once they were finished, he began to speak again. "I wanted to thank you, Sofia, for your care of James. That duty will soon be ending."

I had to force my jaw to keep from falling open. "He continued. After that happens, I'm going to need your help with Michael, and perhaps have you do some other tasks."

Nodding, I did not know what to say. The lump in my throat from how nonchalant he was over James's impending death was still there. I knew the duke did not care, but to see it, to hear it, it was just something to which I could never understand.

He continued to speak, though I tuned out and watched him. For being just over forty years old, he was still quite handsome, but I felt his heart was ugly and therefore I could not like him. Mother had given him whatever she could to make him happy, to make him love her, but I knew he had only married her for one reason.

"Amber is of marriageable age, as will you be very soon."

This brought me back to reality.

"Yes, your Grace."

"We'll be having a ball soon, for Amber," he took a drink. "She will need your help also. And there will be others after that. I'm sure she'll be invited to a few as well." He stopped to take a bite and chew on some bread. I sipped my soup. "I shall send you with her as a companion when needed." He studied me for a second. Well, not me, but my clothing. "You will need a few new dresses. Tell Baileywick on your way out."

"Thank you, your Grace."

"Have you seen your mother, Sofia?"

"Only once since Lord Michael was born."

"She's not well, my dear. The birth was a struggle for her." His eyes narrowed. "Especially after all the miscarriages and such." I tried not to think about the miscarriages and the one stillborn baby that Mother had tried to give the Duke. It had hurt her because she could not please him, and in turn the duke seemed to despise me more, because Mother had given someone else a child just fine.

"I fear she will not outlive James."

I swallowed, dropped my eyes from him and took a drink.

"I wanted to let you know that I care for you, Sofia, and that you will stay here with Michael, Amber and me."

"Thank you, your Grace." I had to force the words out and meet his eyes.

"That soup was good, was it not?" He set his napkin by his bowl and I took my cue, though I had only had half the bowl.

"Yes, it was, Duke Roland. Thank you again, for inviting me."

He stood and I followed suit. Then he took my hand, lifting it a bit, then bending enough for my hand to reach his lips. "My pleasure, Sofia." He let of me, I curtsied, and left.

Baileywick stood outside the door as I exited. I spoke with him about the dresses Duke Roland said I must ask for, and Baileywick nodded, then sent me away. Instead of going to James, I hurried to my own room to shed the tears that were starting to burst on their own.

I hid, letting out the frustration of losing James, and possibly mother, and the confusion over the duke saying he cared for me while he seemed to not care about his eldest son or the mother of his youngest. Finally, my face washed, my back straight, I made my way to James room, glad to spend time with him and happy to be there for him when no one else besides Cedric would be.


	5. Chapter 5

I was surprised that less than a week later, Mother was dead, and James was still alive. I did not want it to be the other way around, but I did not necessarily want mother to die either. The duke had already prepared for the funeral so there was little to do for Mother. He had not been wrong about her demise, though I had hoped he would be.

Cedric stayed with James while I attended the funeral with the duke and Amber. I kept Michael, who blessed me by sleeping the whole time. After, Duke Roland proudly looked at his son in my arms, and accepted condolences as people came to us. Amber, ever the diplomat in public, graciously accepted condolences herself but glared at Michael and me when no one looked.

Although it was my mother who was dead, very few people even spoke to me.

True to his word, the duke did not remove me from his home, but I was expected to check in on Michael a couple times a day. James and Cedric both helped me grieve, but it was mostly Cedric, as James was sleeping much more of the day. Cedric sat with me in James outer room and held me when I cried, and later held my hand.

I apologized profusely. I knew he was employed by the duke and I was keeping Cedric from his duties, but I relished the closeness and the way his thumb stroked the back of my hand.

"Sofia," he paused.

"Yes?"

"I…" he cleared his throat. "I'm here for you. Whenever, wherever. You are always welcome in the laboratory. Whether I'm there or not."

"Thank you, Cedric." His free hand moved to my cheek, and I pressed my face into him. He stroked my temple with his thumb, then smoothed back my hair. Just then, James began to cough in the next room and both Cedric and jumped to our feet.

We moved into the bedroom and helped James as he hacked blood and vile looking mucous into a pan held by Cedric while I rubbed my brother's back. The coughing lasted too long, and after, James groaned in pain, writhing against the pillows. He could not speak but he squeezed my hand and I squeezed his back. Once we were sure the coughing was over, Cedric gave James a few drops of a pain-relieving potion, then left for his lab.

After James fell back to sleep, I grabbed a book and settled down next to him to pass the time.

Over the next few weeks I brought Michael into James's room a few times. It brought brief smiles to my older brother's face. Cedric was a more common visitor at night, as he slept less to look in on James, and sit with me.

Cedric happened to wake me one night as I lay next to James on the bed. "Sofia," Cedric touched my hand. He glanced meaningfully over to James.

"No!" I whispered hoarsely. James's eyes were open a little. "Is he?"

"Not yet, but soon."

I gasped. "When?"

Cedric shook his head. "Probably before morning."

I threw my arms around James, afraid I was going to crush his frail body, but also not caring. His breaths were short and crackling.

"I don't want you to leave me, brother, but I don't want you to be ill anymore," I whispered. "I love you, James."

I lay my head on his shoulder and held one hand. Cedric was on James other side, his hand on James's shoulder. We stayed that way in silence for several minutes as James's respirations declined and he slowly slipped away. Then Cedric and I sat there even longer in silence, reverently remembering and honoring the young man that it seemed everyone else had forgotten.

Finally, Cedric rose. He came to me and pulled me into an embrace, allowing me to cry on his shoulder once again. I was not sure, but I thought I felt a few shudders from Cedric too, before he pulled away and said he would inform the duke. I nodded and sat back with James, taking his hand again, feeling the coolness of it and wishing that this day had never come.


	6. Chapter 6

The funeral for James was privately and quietly done. Like for Mother, everything was prepared, but the only people present were Duke Roland, Lady Amber, Baileywick and a few servants, Cedric and myself. Before the duke and Amber left, he asked me to check in on Michael, and then invited me to supper. I nodded, curtsied, and then watched James's casket be lowered into the ground. When the dirt covered him, I turned to find that Cedric still stood there, about ten feet behind me.

I thanked him with a smile and he offered me his arm to walk back to the castle. We did not speak. There was nothing to say, and when we reached the castle, he bowed to me before returning to his lab. I went straight to James's rooms.

Upon entry, I was horrified. The furniture had been covered with sheets, the shelves were empty, the servants had already cleaned out his rooms. I sat on the bed, mussing the sheet and the tears emptied from my eyes. I was so glad he was away from the degradation his family had shown him all his life. But I missed him selfishly.

Eventually, I rose and went to my own rooms, to pick out a dress for supper with the duke.

Baileywick announced me in the dining hall. Duke Roland rose and waved me toward the chair to his right. The chair that was Mother's. I moved slowly, curtsied as I drew near, and let a servant help me into the chair. Amber arrived then, seeing my position at the table and glared at me before curtsying to her father.

"Here's my darling girls," Roland smiled. Supper was served to us and after Roland began to eat, Amber and I took our cues.

"When shall we have the first ball, Father? I know propriety says we must wait a while, but I think that in these times, we should move forward."

I swallowed the hate rising in me.

"I agree, Amber. We do need to move forward." I felt his eyes on me and when I looked up, I was not wrong.

"Will there be a theme?" I asked, trying to break his gaze even though I knew hardly anything about dancing and such.

"Of course, there's a theme, Sofia." Amber rolled her eyes. "I am eligible for marriage. I'm actually older than I need to be for courting." She gave her father a stern look.

Roland laughed. "I could not very well have you dancing around the kingdom with all this ugly business at home. You are still young enough, Amber." He glanced at me again, a soft smile on his face. "Once you are settled I'll see that Sofia is married as well."

"Your Grace, I…I don't think I'm ready just yet," I protested.

"Did you not recently have a birthday?" he asked. Amber glared at me again.

"Yes." I had completely forgotten about my birthday, but apparently, so did everyone else. It was no matter to me.

"She's not noble," Amber stated flatly.

"But she could be." Roland ate a piece of meat.

"I think Sofia makes an excellent nurse," Amber teased. "Father do you have any old friends that are ailing? Then after they die she could inherit her own money and land."

"Amber," his voice carried a warning as I looked down at my hands. I was sick of death and dying. It seemed to have been my life ever since Mother had married the duke.

"Everyone she is close to dies," said Amber. "Are you sure you want her looking in on Michael, Father?"

I looked up sharply. "I would never hurt my brother." My eyes swung to the duke. "Please, your Grace, you must believe me! I would never hurt Michael."

Roland looked at both of us seriously. "Amber, that was uncalled for. Sofia, I know better. James would never have lived as long without you. You two need to start getting along. You'll be spending much more time together."

Amber looked disgusted and I went back to eating, merely to put some food in my stomach because though I was not hungry anymore, I would be later. I remembered James trying to tell me that he was afraid Amber would hurt the baby, and now I wondered if he was correct. Maybe she would hurt him and I would be blamed. There was no one left to stand for me, to vouch for me.

"Are you well, Sofia?" the duke asked.

"I am fine," I smiled, trying to hide my nervousness.

"I'm finished, Father, may I be dismissed?"

"Yes." Amber was helped from her chair by a servant and left, but not before glaring at me again.

Once she was out of the room, the duke took my left hand. "I know she's a bit upset that Michael was born and she's not my direct heir, but you really must try to be friends with her, Sofia." I looked up at him. "For me."

"I will, your Grace." His thumb began to stroke the back of my hand, just as Cedric's had, but the duke's hand was not as pleasurable. I looked down at our hands and he must have realized what he was doing because he pulled away. "If you are finished eating, you may leave as well."

"Thank you, your Grace." I rose before the servant could pull out my chair, curtsied and then hurried from the room as fast as I could without looking improper.

The next day, I was in the gardens cutting flowers for James and Mother's graves. The sun was out, the day was beautiful, and I could not wait to sit and talk to James for a while, even if I knew he would not answer.

I heard rustling and footsteps behind me and saw the duke and Baileywick coming my way. "Beautiful flowers for a beautiful girl," Duke Roland said.

I rose and curtsied. "They are for Mother and James, your Grace."

"That's nice." His tone sounded short. Cedric came around the corner of a hedge then, seemingly in a hurry, with some shears and a jar. "Ho there, Cedric."

Cedric's eyes grew larger. He stopped and bowed, a little out of breath. "Your Grace."

"Where are you off to this morning?"

"I'm in need of wolfsbane. I forgot I was out before I start a potion for Lawrence, and I have a slim amount of time to get back, your Grace, before the other ingredients go bad."

"Well, then, get to it," the duke waved his arm and laughed. He turned back to me. "Now Sofia, we must find something for you to do, when you are not with Amber that is. Michael has his nurse, and servants, and I do not want you to be caring for a baby so soon," his eyes roamed over me and I bit my bottom lip. Baileywick kept his usual look of indifference, but his eyes narrowed a bit.

Cedric popped up from where he had stooped. "Your Grace," he started. "Forgive me for overhearing, but I could use some help in the laboratory. I've got a backlog of potions and spells and if you would allow it, and if Lady Sofia approves, I could use her help."

Duke Roland seemed to consider this for a moment. "I think that will be acceptable." He looked back at me, but not kindly. "Will you be a good help for Cedric, in your spare time."

"Yes, your Grace," I breathed. Anything to be away from the duke's presence right now.

"Then you will meet Cedric in the lab after you finish this...business," he waved at the flowers. "And you will arrive on time for supper again."

I curtsied. "Yes, your Grace." He took no more notice of me, and walked away with Baileywick.

I looked at Cedric, tried to show my thanks with my eyes. He nodded and mumbled something about seeing me later, and then rushed away. Taking a deep breath, I finished gathering flowers, and could not wait to tell James what I was thinking about the past few days.


	7. Chapter 7

There was so much to learn in the laboratory but Cedric started me on the basics: memorizing the ingredients in the bottles, and using the pestle and mortar. He would almost lecture me about each element and how things were mixed together and what their outcomes would be. I listened as he droned on in a voice that seemed reserved and almost cold, but then I realized that while he was speaking, he was also working, as was I. And this was not James's suite, where a bedside manner was more appropriate.

This was Cedric's occupation, and if he did not do well, the duke would find a replacement.

Still, I preferred to be in the lab with or without Cedric than to be with the baby for long, or Amber who talked endlessly about all the eligible bachelors in the kingdom while making snarky remarks about me. I just wished Cedric had the time to talk to me about things other than potions or spells. The more I thought about it though, I did not know what we could discuss. James had brought us together, and besides that I was not sure we had anything in common. That was depressing.

The days seemed to fly by, busy as ever, though I was able to sleep more at night. One morning, a few weeks later, I looked up from the bottle I had just filled with dry lavender, to find Cedric watching me. "Sorry, did you say something?" I asked thinking I had been daydreaming and missed an instruction.

"No."

I felt myself begin to flush with his intent look, and I patted my hair, worried it might be out of place.

"You look…rested. Healthier."

I did not know what to say. "Was I…I don't know what you mean."

He moved closer to me, forcing me to look up a bit to meet his eyes. "I just mean, I don't think I noticed how exhausted and worn out you were before. Now, I see you. You have colour in your cheeks," which made me blush, "and you've gained some weight."

"These are not exactly the things a girl likes to hear, Cedric," I told him in a warning tone. I had my dresses let out because I was noticeably plumper.

His face flushed as well. "Err." He groaned. "I meant that taking care of James took a toll on you. You look healthy now. You look, better. Good."

"Thank you?" I could not help but give him a teasing smile with a raised eyebrow.

I had barely gotten the words out before his lips were crushed against mine, and his hands just below my shoulders, pulling me to him. I was stunned. I was not sure what to do. Then he pulled away and I saw his lips and realized that I wanted them back on mine, so I reached up and laced my arms around his neck, planting my lips back on his. I felt his arms snake around my waist as he kissed me hard. I still did not know what to do so I tried to relax and let him take the lead. His tongue darted out and parted my lips, and then I felt him in my mouth.

His hands trailed up and down my back, and suddenly his lips were gone from mine, but they were on my jaw, then under my ear, then lingering on my neck. Gasping, I clung tighter to him. He groaned as he began to nibble along my neck and down to my collarbone. My breathing was erratic and I thought for sure I would pass out. "Cedric," I whispered.

He did not stop. His ministrations landed on the other side of my neck which for some reason made me giggle and shriek. "Ticklsih?" he breathed against me as my elbows came back to my sides and my head tilted of its own accord to try and stop the nerves making me laugh.

"Stop!" I bellowed, laughing and almost crying at the same time. He lips found mine again, and this time we kissed slowly, my hands sliding over the robe on his chest.

Then it ended, with my hands still on him and his arms around me. We looked at each other. "Sofia, I…" he could not finish.

"I've wanted this for a long time," I whispered.

His eyes grew larger. "Seriously?"

"Yes."

"Me?"

"Yes."

"James said you fancied me, but I didn't believe him."

My blush came back. "James always did talk too much." Cedric laughed because we both knew that was not true.

"So, you do fancy me?"

I playfully hit his chest. "No, I just like to go around kissing random people and letting them…. eat my neck."

"I wasn't eating your neck."

"Then what were you doing?"

His hand went to my ticklish side and again my head and shoulder met trying to keep him from touching me there, though I was already giggling. "I like seeing you smile."

"So, you want to keep me on as your apprentice?"

"Apprentice? Helper. I haven't even begun teaching you yet."

"Excuse me?" I pushed away from him a bit.

"What?"

"Why all the lectures if you haven't begun teaching me."

His face crinkled in confusion. "Lectures?"

I could see that he had no clue what I was talking about. "Never mind. I will be your helper for as long as you want me."

"I want you forever, Sofia." My breath caught, but then he looked immensely depressed. "But you are the daughter of a duke, and I'm just a simple sorcerer, trying to make a living."

"Cedric." He let go of me. "Cedric, maybe there is a way. I'm not really his daughter, and he doesn't even tell people I'm his daughter." I had to stop and think about what we were saying. A relationship? Marriage? I was not sure what Cedric was thinking and maybe I was moving too fast myself. This was my first kiss and I felt like I was ruining it. "Just don't leave me, Cedric. Whatever happens, whatever this is or isn't, please don't leave me."

He had me in his arms again and murmured into my hair, "I will never leave you, Sofia. I'm just afraid you'll leave me." We stood there a moment, trying to find comfort in one another and then he said, "I think it's time for you to check on Lord Michael.

I nodded into his chest. "Can I come back after supper?"

"If you have time." Our lips found each other's again, quickly. Then I slipped from his arms, hung up my apron, and smiled at him as I went out his door.


	8. Chapter 8

I did not see Cedric much for the next few days as the duke had set the date of Amber's first coming out ball. He wanted me to learn to throw an event of this magnitude, and at first I was terrified because I thought I would have to do all the work, like I had with James, but then he explained that I would be directing servants and Amber would help me. I felt slightly better.

I went to the lab early in the morning, before Amber would ever be awake, and helped Cedric with a few tasks, then I was off again.

For the first time, I felt like the servants knew I existed. If I asked for something, on Amber's behalf of course, they did it. A few of them even called me Lady Sofia, which I had rarely heard before. Baileywick still looked smug whenever I spoke with him, and he made me feel uneasy, but even showed some respect.

The decorations and the menu were set. The guest list had already been made by Amber and Duke Roland, but I was told that I needed to learn who the guests were, and what positions they held, and how they were related to others. I thought my brain was going to explode. The easiest part was looking at fabrics and dress designs. Not only was Amber having new ball gowns made, so was I to a lesser extent. This part was exciting, and Amber complimented my ideas.

We each had measurements taken, then Amber excitedly took the dress designs to Duke Roland for approval. He looked them over with stern look, though I thought I saw the side of his mouth drawn up as if trying to hide a smile. Finally, he approved, Amber beamed and clapped her hands, and the duke put an arm around each of our shoulders, leading us out the door of his study.

"You girls will look beautiful," he said as he squeezed my shoulder. "I'll have to double the guard so no one carries either of you away the first night."

"Father!" Amber laughed.

I smiled uncertainly. The duke still had his arm on me though he had let go of Amber.

"Let's go, Sofia. I want to make sure the stables will be ready for all the carriages."

I turned to the duke, his hand sliding down my back as I pulled away to face him. "Your Grace," I curtsied before Amber pulled me out of the room.

The day before the ball, Amber wanted each of us to retire to our rooms for rest so we would look fresh. I could not waste my time that way. I quickly snuck into the garden and then walked to the cemetery to place fresh flowers on James's grave.

Guiltily, I asked for forgiveness for not coming every day. I told him of all that had been happening as quickly as I could, as if he could hear me. Then I apologized and said I had to see Cedric too, as I had not been able to see him as often.

I ran back to the castle, hoping no one would see me acting so childish, but the fresh air and exercise was exhilarating. Cedric was in the lab, seemingly flustered, when he saw me.

"Can you stay a while?" he asked, running from table to table.

'Yes. I'm yours."

"Good. There will be a lot of people overdoing it tonight, so we need cures for indigestion and overdrinking." He walked me through the steps for the indigestion powder, warning me that too much salt could have the opposite effect so to carefully measure that. Then I put a small spoon of that powder in what seemed like a thousand glass phials, while Cedric worked on the potion to help with the nasty headaches people seemed to get after drinking too much.

"The pain and suffering people bring on themselves does not seem worth it."

"Eh." Was all he replied.

Glancing at him, I saw he was carefully pouring a purplish liquid into small flasks. The smiled which crept onto my face made me blush as I remembered the day we kissed. I felt the urge to run my fingers through his hair, and I wanted to be in his arms again.

He quickly looked up, then down, then back up at me, still holding the large jar of liquid. "What?"

I laughed and looked away. "Nothing." But when I peeked at him, I saw him smiling. As I was done, I meandered over to his table and watched him finish filling the phials. "Can I help with anything else?"

"This was the biggest task I had for today. You should probably rest before the ball tomorrow."

I groaned. "That's what Amber said."

"You think she is wrong?" He capped the last phial.

"I don't know. I've never been to a ball."

He chuckled and came around the table, taking off his robe which desperately needed washing. "It's a lot of work, which you are coming to understand, but that doesn't mean the work stops once all the plans are made."

"Will you be there?"

"Only as an employee."

"So….you entertain."

"Yes."

"You won't dance with me?"

"It would not be proper." He dropped his robe on the floor and held out his hands. "At least not at the ball." I took his hands and moved toward his chest. Our lips found each other's again, and the feeling was electric. Then his hands were on each side of my head, gently cradling me. "I've missed you so much."

We kissed long, and hard, and unlike before, that was all we did until we just held each other. "I need you to go," he finally said and he must have felt me tense because he followed up with, "for now, or I won't be able to stop holding and kissing you." His voice was thick, and deeper than usual. I will see you tomorrow, ok? I've…got work to do." He pushed me away.

"Will you need help in the morning?"

"No," his voice was strained now and he turned away slightly. "You will be too busy, trust me. But I will see you later, at the ball, and then, the next day here."

I nodded, swallowing, trying to push down the hurt and not feel the chill that had come to me as soon as his arms were gone. "I can't wait until the ball is over."

"Me neither." He smiled at me which made me feel slightly better as I walked out the door.

"See you later, Cedric."


	9. Chapter 9

The day of the first ball was busy. Guests began arriving mid-afternoon. I floated between the stables to make sure horses and carriages were being seen to, and then the guest rooms to make sure everyone who would be spending the night was comfortable.

I lost track of time with all the excitement and it was Amber who found me and reminded me that we needed to bathe and dress. Amber's gown was a light blue silk, so light blue that it appeared silver sometimes. Her golden hair was swept up on top of her head with little ringlets dangling from a bun that was surrounded by star shaped hair clips which glittered like diamonds.

My dress contained different hues of violet and purples, still light in color, but plainer than Amber's. I was satisfied to have my auburn hair plaited and woven in a pattern on the back of my head. Staring into the mirror we both could not help but smile at each other. I knew it was Amber's ball, but, it was also mine. I had worked for this day, and I planned to enjoy it.

Baileywick arrived to escort us to Duke Roland, who stood with us as we greeted our guests upon entrance to the great hall. Tables had been placed and decorated around the edges of the room leaving space for the musicians in one corner, and dancing in the middle. In another corner, a fountain had been placed, and servants held glasses under the streams of wine that poured out.

"How…" I started to ask, and Amber shrugged and stated "Cedric" before moving on to greet the next guest.

Although Amber had briefed me on everyone who planned to attend, I found it extremely hard to place faces to their names. I had to look for distinguishable traits, and then after so many people, I forgot most of those. "There's Lord Hugo," Amber lightly touched my arm. He was one of the eligible bachelors that Amber had droned on about. He was very handsome and he had a nice smile as he came closer. We curtsied to him and he kissed our hands, thanking us for the invitation and then he moved on, after winking at Amber. I saw her blush modestly, then turn her attention from him and to the next guest.

Finally, the reception was over and supper was about to begin. I sat to the left of Duke Roland at the high table, with Amber on his right. On my other side was Lady Carolyn, a cousin of the duke, and old enough to be my grandmother. She ignored me for the most part before the food was served, and I was fine with that.

Duke Roland stood, startling me from my reverie. "I wanted to thank you all for attending tonight. It is a special time when friends and family can come together to celebrate a coming of age for one's daughter." I could not see Amber smile from where I sat, but I was sure she was in her element. "So, let us eat and dance and enjoy each other's company." He raised his glass for a toast and everyone followed suit.

The servants began with the first entrée and the sound of everyone speaking all over the room took me aback. It had been so quiet when the duke spoke. "You did excellent work, Sofia," he smiled down at me.

"Amber was a very good teacher, your Grace." The compliment still elicited a smile, however.

"I want you to enjoy yourself tonight as well."

"Yes, your Grace." My eyes roamed the hall for a man in sorcerer's robes. He said he would see me but I could not find him. I had to ask him how he made that fountain work. It would have to wait. The second course of the meal was being served, and Lady Carolyn was commenting on the food.

"Who chose the menu, dear?"

"Amber, my Lady."

"Delightful." She turned toward the person on the other side of her and conversed with them. Even around so many people, I could still feel completely alone.

The duke leaned over to me. "The first dance is for me and Amber, but I'd like to dance with you next."

 _What do I say?_ "I'd like that, your grace." He smiled and I felt him pat my knee under the table.

My stomach churned. For the first time, I wished Mother was there. I did not know why, but I felt like I needed my mother. My throat grew thick and I had to blink back tears because thinking of Mother reminded me of James. And then I could not even swallow when I thought of him. He should have been here with us.

The duke removed his hand from my knee and spoke to a duke sitting on the other side of Amber. They laughed about something. I felt petrified, and searched the room again for Cedric. Finally, I saw him at a far table, his eyes on me. I smiled and he returned it. My mood lightened a bit.

Before I knew it, supper was over and the musicians paused as the duke and his daughter made their way to the floor. I watched, mesmerized as they danced. Slowly, other couples joined them. Amber was perfect. She was exactly the kind of person who would be the perfect wife, the perfect hostess, the perfect ruler. I could understand her bitterness about Michael. She had spent all these years preparing to be a duchess and then suddenly one baby boy changed everything.

Then the dance was over and Amber was swooped away and the duke was in front of me, offering me his hand. I had little practice at dancing, but Duke Roland was a good leader and I followed him easily enough. His hand on my back pulled me to him enough that I had to look up at his face or stare at his chest.

"You dance quite well, Sofia."

"Thank you."

"You also look beautiful. More beautiful than your mother, even."

I thanked him again but looked down frowning.

"I did not mean to bring disturbing memories to you. Forgive me, Sofia."

Forcing a smile, I said as lightly as possible, "There's nothing to forgive, your Grace."

He spun me around as the dance called for it. "I look forward to you being happy here."

"I am happy." A vision of Cedric drifted into my thoughts.

"I'm glad."

As the dance ended, I curtsied, and made my way back to my seat as the Duke approached someone else. I scanned the crowd for Cedric. He was speaking with some other people, who seemed to be consulting him for some reason. They were older, so I assumed it was for health. Those who knew that Cedric had helped to prolong James's life often asked Cedric for help prolonging their own, or curing their ailments. I knew of a few times that other sorcerers had come to visit Cedric and watch his processes. Word of Cedric may have spread farther than I thought.

I had not been seated long before I was asked to dance by a man, older than me, but younger than Cedric. After he led me to the floor he introduced himself as Ian, the son of Duke Clain, a neighboring duchy to the south. Although he was polite, he pressed me for details on Amber, her likes and dislikes, her personality, and even asked how she was handling the loss of her birthright.

To say the least, the last question put me off, but he quickly apologized and began to talk about the other people at the ball. He had me laughing by the end as he pointed out the guests and told me what animals they reminded him of. I was a little sad when the music ended and he returned me to my seat, but a servant brought more wine, and it was chilled and delicious.

I was asked to dance a few more times, and then my last dance was again with Duke Roland. I had more wine in me, and I thought the same was true for him, for his steps were not nearly as sure as before. We laughed and he bent down and kissed my cheek. "You should get some sleep, Sofia. It is late, and there will still be much to do tomorrow."

I acquiesced and he walked me to the side of the room, where I could slip out the door and be gone from the noise and the crowd. Once in my room, I opened the window to let the night breeze in. The air was fresh and wafted over my face as I stood with my eyes closed and breathed. Finally, I decided it would be worthwhile to get out my dress and into a nightgown before I passed out on the bed. All considered, this had been a pleasant night.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Thank you for the reviews! And yes, I rated this M because things will get too dark for a T rating.

The duke was correct. There was much to do the day after the ball. Not only was I tired, and wanting to just spend a quiet morning in the lab with Cedric, I felt the faint tinges of a headache from the wine I had imbibed the night before. I had rarely had anything of the sort, and though I drank in moderation, I wondered if I needed one of the healing potions.

We still had guests to entertain, and though breakfast was held as more of a buffet than a definite mealtime, Amber and I were intended to be there to welcome everyone as they came and went. Lord Ian arrived soon after Amber and me, and he made sure to find a seat next to her, though he winked my way. I could not help but smile and blush. He was very good looking, even the morning after a party.

The servants scurried around, looking tired but dressed in their best. I knew they were up late cleaning, and then early to see off our guests. The Duke came to breakfast at his usual time, sitting at the head of the table. He thanked everyone again and then kept looking around to take note of who was there. I met his eyes and he smiled, though I was not sure if it was a true smile from where I sat down table. Nonetheless, his smile was returned before I began to answer a question from my other side.

Midafternoon was when our last guests left the castle grounds. By that time, everyone was exhausted, and many people, servants and noble alike, disappeared for our rooms. I napped for a time, then woke and quietly made my way to Cedric's laboratory.

He did not answer when I knocked, but I knew sometimes he would be in his bedroom, so I entered anyway. He was not in the lab. Hesitantly I walked around the room, taking in every detail. There always seemed to be clutter, but in an organized fashion. Not knowing exactly what to do with myself, I grabbed a leather-bound book from Cedric's desk, sat in his chair and opened it.

It was a book about magic. I did not understand all of it, some of the words were so foreign, but I was intrigued. It listed spells, why they would be used, how they worked, and possible side effects. In the back of the book, I saw one could look up a person's condition, then it would tell you the best spells to use. "That's genius," I murmured.

"Isn't it?"

I jumped, slamming the book on the desk as if trying to hide what I was doing, in plain sight.

Cedric just laughed.

"You scared me! I didn't hear you come in!" I stood from his chair.

"Sit," he kept laughing. "You should have seen your face." His face had a broad grin. And it was handsome.

He pulled up a stool next to me in the chair. "So, tell me what was genius."

"Well, in the front of the book, spells are listed, and then in the back you can look up by condition."

Cedric nodded. "It helps to locate information quickly."

"I didn't get to see you last night," I said quietly, pouting at him as I changed the subject.

"Sofia! Don't lie. You saw me."

"From across the room!"

"But you saw me."

I huffed. "If you are going to keep picking at me, I'm going to leave."

"No, you are not." He glanced out the window. "Soon everyone will be back to work, and the quiet will be over and you'll have to leave anyway, so let's make the most of this time."

He stood, pulled me up from his chair, and then next thing I knew, he was in the chair with me on his lap. "Hey," I laughed as he wrapped his arms around me.

"Are you comfortable?"

"I guess."

"You guess?"

I slipped an arm behind his neck. "That is better." My lips found his.

The kisses were sweet but eventually I rested my head against his and we just sat there together. Breaking the silence, I said, "Duke Roland says he will find me a husband once Amber is settled." Cedric tensed. "Do you think I can stall him?"

"Why would you want to? I'm sure he could find you a suitable... _suitor_." The last word was nearly spat.

"I don't want him choosing for me. I-" I could not put my feelings into the right words. "Maybe… sometimes I feel like…" Cedric waited for me. "Sometimes I'm afraid. I know, I've always been afraid of the duke. He's got power and he's not always kind…"

"Has he hurt you?"

"No. No. I just feel like…something isn't right."

"Don't ignore your gut instincts, Sofia."

"But he's the duke. He's always been intimidating to me. I'm probably just overthinking things." I snuggled into Cedric further. "He could drive me away from the castle, and I would never see you again. I don't have any other friends." Cedric knew that I was forbidden to see or communicate with my childhood friends once Mother and I moved into the castle. For Mother, it had not been a problem. For me, it was devastating. It was likely why James, Cedric and I had become close. We each had a need for each other.

"He won't drive you away, and if he does, I'll leave as well."

Kissing his cheek, I glanced at him to see if he was serious. "You can't lose your employment over me, Cedric."

"I can find another."

I raised my eyebrow. There were few occupations more prestigious for a sorcerer than to work for nobility. They often were given a home, meals, room to work and study and research. He squeezed me and found my lips again. "It's nearing supper. You should go or I might keep you." Still, his arms did not release me.

"What if I don't want to go?" Our noses touched.

"You can't be late for supper."

"I know." I unlaced his fingers, then removed his arms from my waist, giving him gentle kisses. "I will see you tomorrow morning."

Cedric just nodded and I slid from his lap. When I glanced back at him, he was not looking at me, but was staring out the window, his face in a serious frown.

Amber was joyous the next few days as invitations for other balls began to arrive. I thought she would immediately respond with our acceptance to each, but she clicked her tongue at me when I asked. "Sofia, some invitations are more important than others."

I understood when an invitation arrived from the royal palace. This invitation was accepted immediately and Amber made it clear that this ball would be the highest priority for the rest of the year.

"There are no eligible princes," I told her.

She laughed. "Don't be so daft. Anyone who matters will be there. And we were invited, so we matter."

I shrugged off her comment. Once she accepted that invitation, we sat down to sort through the others. Amber was to meet with the duke the next day for his permission and ideas on the rest. "You will be there too. You need the practice for when Father finds you a husband next year."

"Do you think he'll wait until next year?" I asked, a little hope blooming.

"Of course. This is _my_ year, and its only so long."

I could not stop the smile from appearing on my face. More time for me to…well, I was not sure what I would do, but at least I would not have to do all this.

Travelling to other parties, I found, was much less hectic, though there were still preparations. Lord Hugo's ball was the next that we would attend, and Amber was making sure our clothing was packed correctly and that every accessory we could ever need would be on hand. Duke Roland was to accompany us this time, as we would be travelling a couple days to and from the duchy.

Before we left, I made sure to stop by and see Lord Michael. He was growing so fast and as I had been busy, it seemed he was bigger every time I got away to see him. Then, knowing I was running behind, I hurried to the lab, opened the door, and surprised Cedric with a kiss.

I pulled away and started to leave. "Wait, where are you going?" he reached out to grab my arms.

"I'm late. I have to leave. I just couldn't leave without seeing you for a second."

"Give me one more second." He pulled me into his arms and kissed me, then leaned his forehead against mine. "Don't drink too much."

I laughed. "Yes, sir."

"And no dancing."

"I cannot promise that."

"And don't accept any marriage proposals."

"Amber has already made it clear this is _her_ year."

Cedric smiled. "Come back to _me_."

"We'll be back in a few days." I kissed him quickly and left.


	11. Chapter 11

Lord Hugo's ball was fun. Except for when Amber was dancing, she pulled me with her as we talked to different groups of people. I had briefly met a few of her friends before, but was never allowed to spend time with them. Now I was, and though I was shy, they did not ask me to leave, and even Vivian took my arm when they went to get more wine.

I danced with Hugo, and again with Ian, who asked fewer questions about Amber, but still made me laugh. I was asked to dance by a man who could have been my grandfather, but he said that he was an old friend of the duke. Duke Roland danced with me three times throughout the evening. His reasoning was that he would not be attending all the balls, so he had to dance with me when possible.

"Are you enjoying yourself, my dear?" he asked as he spun me around.

"Yes, your Grace."

He frowned a little. "When we are alone like this, I want you to call me Roland."

I felt my eyes get big. "But we are not alone, this ballroom is full."

"But no one can hear us right now," Roland pulled me closer, smiling.

"Alright. Roland." I felt like calling him by his given name was going too far, but when I said his name, his smile met his eyes. I could not help but smile back.

"Thank you, Sofia." The song ended and he walked me back over to a couple of Amber's friends who were not dancing. He bowed, I curtsied.

"He's still dreamy," said one of Amber's friends. "I don't care how old he is."

I looked at her, then back at the duke, Roland, and looked at him. "I guess so."

"Of course you wouldn't see it," the girl giggled. "You see him every day." The other girls laughed too.

Roland was handsome, I knew that, but Cedric was the one to whom I felt drawn. But I could not tell these girls that.

Amber, Ian, Hugo and Vivian joined us then. "I'm dying of thirst," Amber said. Ian waived a server to us, and then a second because everyone wanted a new glass of wine. Remembering Cedric's warning, I merely sipped at mine. _What if the sorcerer here has not made potions for the morning after?_ It had been three days since I had last seen Cedric, and would be a couple more before I saw him again. I could not wait.

"Why are you smiling, Sofia?" Amber asked.

"She just finished dancing with Duke Dreamy."

Amber frowned at her friend. "You know I hate when you call him that."

"I was just wondering if I'm drinking too much." I tried to interject. I did not want them to know I was thinking of a sorcerer and his kisses, nor did I want them to believe I was thinking about Duke Roland.

"Don't worry, Sofia," laughed Ian, "Hugo can carry you up to your room if you are getting a little drunk."

I blushed and Hugo shook his head. "I have not had that much."

Ian waved another server over. "Then we must remedy that."

"Lord Ian," Amber exclaimed.

Ian took one glass from the server, downed it himself, smiled at Amber and then winked at me. I shook my head, trying to not laugh, and looked away.

The night ended too soon and as Amber and I climbed into bed in our shared room, we could not help but giggle and talk like friends. She told me how Hugo had been caught courting two different girls the year before, and though she did not mind dancing with him, or leading him on a bit, he was not on her list of eligible bachelors anymore.

"I can't wait to go to the royal palace," she whined, fatigue in her voice. "I haven't been since I was a child, and even then, it was not for a royal ball."

"What was it like? The royal palace?"

"Huge! The decorations were so beautiful. The architecture so grand. You know the king is my uncle?"

"Yes. I am just surprised you have not been more often."

I could almost hear Amber frown. "That's because the king does not like Father."

"But why not invite you?" _And why not invite James when he was alive?_

"It's complicated, Sofia. It's late. We should sleep."

"Good night, Amber."

"Good night."

* * *

Roland arrived at our room to escort us to breakfast. With each of us on an arm, we were announced as we entered the dining room. He sat me between himself and another man that I barely remembered seeing the night before. Sir Gral was his name, a younger son and old friend of the duke's. They talked over me a bit before including me in their conversation. Amber was closer to the people that were our age, and I felt a bit like I was being cut off from them on purpose.

"Sofia is a godsend," I heard Roland say to Gral. "She nursed my son for years. I truly think he would have been gone sooner if not for her."

"I believe you," Gral replied after drinking strong tea. "I would not want to leave a pretty face like that either."

Roland and Gral bellowed with laughter while I blushed furiously. _What could I say? What should I say?_

"Truly though, Roland. I am sorry for your loss. Your wife and son in such a short time."

"We cannot change fate." There was his nonchalance again.

Gral agreed. They began to talk about finances and agriculture and I drowned them out again. I was embarrassed by what Gral had said, but a little angry that Roland had laughed with him. _And about James! His son._ My appetite was lost, but I forced a piece of hard-boiled egg into my mouth. My want of returning home grew as I looked around the table and felt that I did not belong among these people. I was born a peasant, I had lived as a servant for so long, and now I was expected to act like I truly belonged in the duke's family.

 _But where would I go?_ I had no skills, no money, not even a full education. And there was no family or friends waiting for me outside the castle walls. A depression began to settle in me though I tried to fight it. I was alone and dependent on others and that frightened me more than anything.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: I found that some of the documents I uploaded changed so I've gone through and made some corrections in FanFiction. Hopefully this makes the story easier to read.

I wasted no time seeking out Cedric when we arrived home. He did not even hear me knock on his door, and upon entry, I saw he was so involved in reading and making notes that I decided to take revenge. As quietly as possible, I snuck closer to him, then behind him, and then pursed my lips and blew his hair.

He jumped up and turned around so fast I nearly was knocked to the floor by his chair.

"Sofia!"

I laughed loud and long.

"How? I didn't hear you come in."

"I know!"

"You can't do that to a person!"

"Really?"

He quickly shut his notes inside the book and turned to me, opening his arms. I went into them happily. "I missed you."

"I missed you too. I've got plenty of work for you to do."

Pulling away I frowned at him. "You only missed me because you need help?"

His face softened and his lips met mine. "Of course not." We kissed again. "Did you have fun?"

I shrugged.

"What happened?"

"Nothing happened. I just really missed you. I wanted to come home."

"You will have to get used to it. Lady Amber is going to keep you busy the next several months."

I nodded. "Cedric?"

"Yes."

"Will you teach me how to use magic?"

"I can probably teach you some things. Like making potions. Why?"

"I just realized while I was gone that I don't really have a purpose."

His forehead creased. "A purpose?"

"It's… never mind."

"You are Lady Sofia, step- daughter of Duke Roland. Your purpose is to be his daughter and someday get married and…" he trailed off.

"He asked me to call him Roland." Cedric's forehead crinkled even more. "When we are alone," I added. Cedric looked away.

"Well, he is not your _true_ father." We stood there for a few minutes, me still in his arms. "I will begin to teach you how to make potions and use them. We will see how that goes."

"Thank you, Cedric."

There were two more weeks before the next ball hosted by Lord and Lady Dunhaven. They lived in our duchy so we would return home after. Then, two weeks after that we would travel to the palace. The center of the kingdom was much farther away. It would take nearly five days to go by coach. Because of the long way, more servants and guards were coming with us, as well as Cedric. He said he knew a few sorcerers who would be in the palace, and needed to share his research with them.

We also would be staying longer at the palace, giving Amber time to reacquaint herself with her mother's family.

My mornings were spent poring over potion books with Cedric, then dinner with Amber, and lessons on how to act around the king and queen. I had assumed that it would be the same as with Roland, but Amber insisted that everything had to be done perfectly. She criticized my curtsies and made me practice over and over. She led me in dances, and we even covered table manners.

I still did not see much of a distinction but I played along. She had already said she had not been at the palace since she was a child. _But I have never been at all._

We went over our dresses a million times. By the time we were ready to leave, I felt like my skin was chafed as we had changed clothing so many times. I was afraid my dress would not look new anymore, by the time I met the royal family. Amber's ball gown was a deep green colour, whereas mine was a pale yellow. It made my hair look more brown than auburn, but it looked good all the same.

Soon enough, the Dunhaven's party was in the past and we were setting out for the royal palace. We spent the nights in Roland's friends' homes along the way. The last two homes also had family members who also accepted King Stephen's invitation, so our travel party grew.

Amber invited two sisters, Johnna and Jane to sit with us in our carriage. Johnna, the eldest, was nearly twenty and still unmarried. Jane was Amber's age and looking for a husband. I was not sure why Johnna was unattached. She was very pretty, light brown skin and dark black hair, but as we got to speaking more without so many people around I saw that she was very intelligent. Intimidatingly intelligent. With one look it was as if she could see your innermost thoughts. I got the feeling that not many men would like a woman like that. She was very nice, and while Jane and Amber became fast friends, it seemed the Johnna and I became comfortable with each other.

We arrived at the palace in the middle of the afternoon. The stewards efficiently moved us to our rooms to freshen up as servant brought our trunks and began hanging our clothing. Amber poked me in the ribs a couple times as I began to dawdle and fall behind. The palace was ornate, and immense. I thought for sure it could not be bigger than our home, but it was.

"You'll have time to gawk later, Sofia." Amber murmured.

At the door to our room, Amber asked Johnna and I if we would be willing to switch. Amber and Jane would share and Johnna and I could share. Johnna and I looked at each other and shrugged. We did not have a choice at that moment. Jane and Amber had already decided.

The rooms each had two canopied beds in them, and there was a shared sitting room in between. We informed the servants of the switch and then Johnna and I sat down to have tea in the sitting room. "Perhaps later we can walk in the garden," Johnna said before biting into a biscuit.

"That would be nice. I would love to see the garden."

We could hear Amber and Jane going through their gowns in the next room. "I'm so glad to be out of that carriage." Johnna relaxed back into the sofa and looked at me. "It's a pity that they only let men ride horses on trips like these."

"I don't even know how to ride."

"Truly? The daughter of a duke does not know how to ride?"

"I was not always the daughter of a duke," I reminded her.

"But you are now. You must learn. What do you do all day?"

My hand stopped, midway between bringing my tea cup to my lips, and holding it on the saucer. _Could I tell her what I do? Would she think less of me? Or the duke?_

"Oh," Johnna said. "You've been given other work now that Lord James is gone."

"How did you know?"

Her eyebrow raised. "You told me."

"I didn't…"

"Your face said it all, Sophia. It is fine, I'm not judging you. We all have to keep busy." A smug look came over her face. "Otherwise all we'd have to talk about is gowns and shoes and such."

I smiled. "I have been helping Amber, and then I try to check in on my brother Michael each day. And when I'm able, I help our resident sorcerer."

"Do you have magic?"

"No. At least I don't believe so, but I help him in the lab, just with little things," I felt myself blush, "and he's starting to teach me about potions."

"Good for you. The potions and such. I can't imagine what you must do for your sister. She's more out of control than mine."

I laughed, and it felt good.


	13. Chapter 13

Supper was grand. Johnna and I arrived, arm in arm, and were announced as we entered. The ball would be the next night, as we had arrived a day early. "Just do as I do," Johnna patted my arm. Servants pulled out chairs for us and we sat, our hands demurely in our laps as they poured us mulled cider. My gaze looked down the impossibly long table, at the napkins, the silver, the candelabra, the flowers; just everything looked perfect.

Johnna laughed at me. As we had walked through the garden's earlier I had confided in her about not fitting in with the Duke Roland and Amber. She waved her hand and said, "Nonsense. If his grace wanted to be rid of you, he would have already done it."

"But what about after Amber is married? That is why I have been trying to learn from Ce- our sorcerer. So perhaps I could find employment if I needed, whether Duke Roland promises to find me a husband or not."

Johnna had nodded. "It is good to have a back-up plan." We walked a few paces before she asked, "Do you really want the duke to find you a husband?"

"No." The word came out quiet but also in a desperate tone.

"Even if it means you will be provided with a home?"

I took a deep breath. "I haven't thought of it that way. I just…I'm too young." Johnna laughed.

"What is your excuse?" I teased and then thought better of it, but she did not seem to take it badly.

"I just haven't found a man worthy enough of holding my interest."

"So your father gave you a choice?"

She tilted her head. "Yes. But, the few that dared to ask, were not very bright, shall we say. I don't want to be tied to someone for the rest of my life that cannot hold their end in an intelligent conversation. I could care less about looks. I want to know the size of the man's library, and if he's read everything in it."

At that point I could not help but laugh out loud and Johnna did as well. A noble couple strolled past us then, the woman giving us a look that said we were misbehaving, and I covered my face but could not stop the smile. The rest of our walk was pleasant, and we took our time readying for supper.

I made sure my jaw was not on the floor as more of the nobility entered in their finery. Johnna was on my left, while a man, whom introduced himself as Carl, sat on my left. He quickly began a conversation with those near him, so Johnna and I were able to still talk. Then, the king and queen were announced. We were all helped from our chairs to stand and bow or curtsy, then everyone took their seats as soon as King Stephan sat.

The king was so far from where I sat, that I could not get a very good look at him. His hair seemed darker than Amber's, and quite like her mother's portrait that I had once seen. Queen Isobel was closer to my seat as she sat at the opposite end of the king. She was older, I knew she was a grandmother already, but she was very poised as she regarded her end of the table. Two of the princes were announced and they joined the table as well.

Once the food was set before the king, and tasted by the royal taster, and the royal taster did not immediately die, the king declared supper would begin. "The king really has a food taster?" I whispered to Johnna.

She nodded. "You would too if you were in his shoes."

My eyes still wide, I watched as servants served the food to us. I heard laughter and looked to Carl. "You've never been here before, eh, Lady Sofia?"

"No, sir." A few others near us chuckled and gave me looks of sympathy.

"You are Roland's daughter, are you not?" asked a beautiful woman across from us. She reminded me of Mother, but was probably a few years older.

"Yes."

"Lovely. I'm Evelyn. It is about time Roland came back to court. Even if only to bring his children to see their family." Several looks shot back and forth between people sitting near us.

"Oh, I'm…" I felt Johnna's hand squeeze my arm and she said something about tasting the cider. Understanding the cue I finished. "I am happy to be here visiting." Johnna had told me to act like Roland's daughter and people would forget that I was not related.

"I heard about your brother, dear," another woman chimed in. "You have my condolences."

"Thank you."

"And right in the prime of his life," another man agreed.

My brow creased as everyone around us commiserated. _Did people not know how ill he was his whole life?_

"So, Evelyn," giggled a woman a few seats further down, "you are widow. Roland is a widower, again. Will you speak with him?"

Evelyn rolled her eyes. "Not on that subject." Several people laughed. I looked at Evelyn again. Her lips were turned up in a small smile, but she did not glance my way again. Listening in on another conversation she began to speak with others.

"Welcome to the palace," Johnna raised her glass toward me. I clinked mine against hers and we drank the cider. The meal was divine. Each guest was given their own deliciously baked, tiny hen, and there was soup, stew, greens, pastries, and fruit at the end. "How do they cook this many hens at once?" I asked Johnna. "They must have gigantic ovens."

She smiled. "Magic."

"Magic?"

"Of course. No one has ovens this big, not even King Stephan." She took a bite of her bird. "You should ask your sorcerer to cook your supper one night." My skin must have gone bright red because suddenly her eyebrow was raised, and her smile deepened. She did not say a word though. But the thought of Cedric making supper for me, and for him, was interesting.

"With a beautiful face like that you'll find your husband here in no time," said an older woman, who then looked at Johnna, and looked away with pity.

"I'm not…" Johnna put her hand on my arm again and exclaimed how I must try a pastry, and then she apologized to the woman for interrupting.

"Thank you." It was all I could say to the woman and to Johnna for saving me from talking too much. She had said that most of these people only cared about scandal. And I was of age to marry, so why not go with everyone's perception of me?

After supper, the women and men separated into different areas of the castle for about an hour. After that, those who had not retired, which was most of the guests, were ushered into a room with large piano, a string quartet and a group of singers. The music was pretty, but strange to me. I was much more used to hearing the lively music played by servants and peasants on much less auspicious instruments. Even the music at the last few balls had been different. Johnna, however, seemed to like the music. When I glanced at her, her head was slightly tilted to one side, her eyes were closed, but her index finger was moving as if she was conducting a concert.

It was after this that Roland found me. "Sofia," he put his hand on my shoulder. "And Johnna?"

She curtsied, "Your Grace."

"It has been hours since I've seen you, my dear. Amber has not hidden herself so well."

"I've been with Johnna all day, your Grace. We've walked in the garden, had supper…"

"That is wonderful. I'm glad you've made a friend. Let me walk you ladies to your rooms."

On the way, I explained that Amber and Jane, had decided to share so that left me and Johnna together. "I apologize for my daughter's selfishness," Roland said to Johnna.

"No apology need, your Grace. Sofia and I are getting on wonderfully. It's rather a relief to not be constantly at my sister's side."

"Good, good."

"Here we are." I pointed at the door.

"Excellent. I am just down this hall as well. I will collect you for breakfast in the morning, Sofia. You are welcome to come as well, Lady Johnna."

"Thank you, your Grace. Good night." She went into our room and left me with the duke.

"Have you been having a good time, Sofia?" Roland looked concerned.

"Yes, it's been wonderful. I have learned so much."

"Be careful, dear. You cannot trust most of the people in this castle." He saw my frown. "Johnna is probably fine, but others, those who are at court more often will take an innocent girl like you and do their best to ruin you."

"But how do I know who?"

He cupped my cheek with his hand. "Just stay away from most people. And their talk. You may hear salacious rumors, but my dear, they are unfounded."

"Rumours about what?"

A group of people returning to their rooms passed us.

Roland took his hand from my face and put it on my shoulder. "If you have any trouble, just find me, or Cedric. He's here as well. Good night, Sofia."

"Good night, your Grace." He leaned in, kissed me on the forehead, then turned and went to his room.


	14. Chapter 14

As odd as Roland had been before leaving me at my room, I thought I would never fall asleep, but I climbed into bed and after talking to Johnna for a short time, I forgot everything and fell into a dreamless sleep.

In the morning, Roland surprised us all by having breakfast brought to our sitting room. Amber was not pleased, as she had planned to dine with everyone in the dining hall, but Roland put his foot down. He said that Jane and Johnna were welcome to do as they wished, but we would eat with him. Johnna chose to stay with us. Jane, an apologetic look on her face, left, and Amber pouted after her eyes shot Roland a menacing look.

Servants brought us a light meal, of milk, juice, eggs and breads. Roland kept the subjects light as Amber was still frowning, and he seemed unsure of what to speak of in front of Johnna. I told him about the gardens, the statues and the landscaping, and the labyrinth Johnna and I had found, but did not have time to explore.

That seemed to trigger interest in Amber. She asked where she could find the labyrinth. "We can show you after we are finished," Johnna said, motioning to herself and me.

"I don't think I care for you ladies to go into the labyrinth," Roland said carefully. "One could get lost in there for hours."

"Have you been in there?" Amber asked snidely.

"As a matter of fact, I have," he returned with a warning tone. "It is no place for unchaperoned girls."

"But if we went together, we would not need chaperones." Roland glared at his daughter. "And certainly Johnna is old enough to qualify as a woman."

I glanced at Johnna. Amber meant that comment as a barb, but Johnna smiled graciously all the same. "I would not want to ire his Grace, Lady Amber."

"Thank you, Lady Johnna. The matter is settled. No labyrinth." Amber sulked in her chair. "It seems to me that I came all this way to find a husband for my daughter, but perhaps she needs to be sent to the nursery instead."

I had to cover my mouth to hide a laugh, and ended up making a coughing noise.

"May I be excused?" Amber stood.

"Go." Roland waved his hand at her, angry. "Be back here for dinner." Amber stormed into her room and Roland turned to us. "I apologize for her behavior."

I merely nodded and Johnna raised an eyebrow. "Thank you, but no apology is needed. I must ask though, your Grace, if Sofia and I were to find a suitable, male companion, could we investigate the labyrinth?"

Roland almost said no, but stopped himself. "I suppose that would not be unreasonable. But I would prefer it to be someone who knows the way. It is very easy to lose oneself in there."

I smiled. "Thank you, your Grace."

"Perhaps tomorrow," replied Johnna, after all the fuss of the ball is over.

"That would be better," agreed Roland, looking a little more relieved before finishing his tea. "What are your plans today?"

"I want to introduce Sofia to the palace library."

"That is a good idea. I will escort you there, if you don't mind." Roland wiped his mouth with a napkin then threw it next to his plate.

Our servants helped us from our chairs and we exited the room. The library was on the other side of the palace and it took several minutes to reach it as we had to stop and say hello to those whom we passed. I could not help but notice some of the looks thrown at us, especially from those near Roland's age. Johnna either did not notice, or she played it off gracefully. The duke had his shoulders squared more than usual, and I could feel the tension.

We arrived at the library, however, and Roland left us with a small smile. Once inside, I was amazed. Like everything else about the palace, it was over and above any other library I had ever seen. "I thought you would like it." Johnna laughed. "Come this way." I followed her lead to the far wall. Little pocket rooms opened along that wall, with tables and special books and items inside each one. "This one is for botany and agriculture," she motioned toward one that we passed, "and this one is for magic. It contains some of the oldest and rarest manuscripts known."

We stepped inside and I saw a few sorcerers at a long table, taking notes and reading. Cedric was among them. He looked up as we entered and smiled, then stood and came toward us. "Lady Sofia," he whispered.

"Cedric." I wanted to throw my arms around him, and I almost did, but stopped myself in time. I motioned to my friend, "This is Lady Johnna. Johnna, this is Cedric, the sorcerer from my home."

Johnna, a sparkle in her eye, let Cedric kiss the back of her hand. Laughingly, she winked at me. "I've heard quite a bit about you, Sir Cedric."

"Just Cedric is fine, my lady." He looked a little worried.

"Might we have a word just outside?" Johnna stepped out of the small room as if neither Cedric or I would say no. And we followed. She turned and looked at us, her eyes searching. I could not help but blush. "I have to admit," Johnna smiled, "I manipulated this little chance meeting."

"I don't understand," I was beginning to worry.

Johnna laughed. "Cedric, are you familiar with the labyrinth in the gardens?"

"Yes, my lady. Quite well, actually."

"Well," Johnna glanced at me then back at Cedric, "Duke Roland has forbidden Sofia from entering the labyrinth, even with me as a companion, however, he agreed that if we were to find a suitable male escort, especially one who knows his way, that Sofia would be allowed to enjoy the maze."

"You want me to escort you ladies through the labyrinth?"

"Not today," Johnna waved. "Tomorrow, perhaps early afternoon."

Cedric looked at me, his smile coming back. "I will be glad to show you both through the labyrinth. It was designed with magic, you know."

"It was?" I asked.

"I'll tell you more about it tomorrow," he took my hand and kissed it as well. "I will meet you at the entrance an hour before tea time."

"Thank you, Cedric," Johnna beamed. "And I hope you forgive my mischievousness."

"I shall have to think upon that, Lady Johnna." His face looked serious but his eyes were shining. "It is not every day I am manipulated so."

Johnna and I laughed. "Thank you, Cedric." I gave him a small curtsy. I followed Johnna away from that room and to a staircase but paused before climbing to the next level. Glancing back, he was still standing there, watching me. I flushed, smiled and he smile too. Then he shook his head and disappeared into the little room again.

"There is a copy of nearly every book known to man in this library." I reached the top of the stairs and Johnna started to show me how each section was decided and placed.

"What a system!"

"Indeed. But without it, one would never find a thing in this room!"

We walked around the second floor. "Are you going to borrow a book?"

"Not today, there won't be time. But perhaps in tomorrow or the next day. Jane and I do not have as far to travel home." She paused, looking out the window. "Would you like to explore the castle before dinner?"

"I'd love to."

I was back to the sitting room for dinner. Johnna went to eat with her family, and Amber deliberately missed coming to the sitting room so it was just Roland and me. I could tell he was frustrated so I tread lightly. He dismissed the servants so we were alone sitting on the settee, the table slightly between us.

"Are you enjoying the palace, Sofia?"

"Yes, your Gr- Roland." This made him smile a little. "Johnna and I went exploring this morning, after the library."

"We must invite Johnna to come visit when we are home."

"I would like that. Perhaps she could teach me to ride."

"You don't know how to ride?" Roland looked horrified.

"No."

"Then that must be remedied." We ate in silence for a few minutes. "Most everyone will be resting this afternoon. The ball will go very late into the night. I'd like you to stay here until I can escort you to the ballroom."

I nodded.

"Have you, has anyone been unkind to you here, Sofia?"

"Not at all." I was surprised.

"If they are, I want you to tell me immediately."

"Your- I mean, Roland?"

"Hmm?"

"Is something wrong? You are tense and not like yourself." His face hardened further and I lowered my eyes. "Forgive me, I should not pry."

He took my hands in one of his, and lifted my chin. "Sofia. You are too intelligent for your own good. It is nothing my dear. Amber's mother was King Stephan's younger sister and Stephan was never fond of me. He blames me for her death. It does not stop people from talking though, making up stories and such."

His fingers left my chin and slid up my cheek, then to my hair and ear and the back of my head. Roland's eyes were on my lips and I wondered if he was going to kiss me. I drew in a sharp breath and Roland seemed to come to himself and let go of me. "You are very beautiful, Sofia. I can't wait to see you this evening."

"Thank you." I felt hot, flushed, and wished we were not alone.

As if on cue, Amber and Jane walked in. She gave a small curtsy to her father but ignored his glare and the two went to their room. Johnna arrived shortly after. "Go rest, Sofia." Roland stood. "I'll be here to escort you, and Amber, this evening."

I simply nodded, glad he was leaving.

.


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: Thank you for the reviews!

There were more eyes upon us than I liked when Roland ushered Amber and I into the great hall. The king and queen sat at the far end of the room, which was quite a way from us, but we stoically walked toward them. We were to present ourselves to them and my stomach was aflutter. I realized I held onto Roland's arm too tightly, and tried to relax my grip.

As we approached, the king and queen smiled at Amber. Both she and I curtsied, and Roland bowed deeply, but the king and queen stood. King Stephan held his arms out to Amber. "Niece." With a large smile on her face, she embraced him, and then her aunt. If I had not been so nervous standing directly in front of royalty, I would have felt envy. Even if something happened to Roland, Amber still had family, and they at least acted like they cared about her.

The queen was dressed more formally than she had been at dinner the night before, and her graying hair was piled high on her head, with little jewels placed here and there to compliment her tiara. Her dress was a deep blue, bringing color to her complexion. Compared to myself, I felt a little underdressed though my dress was far finer than any other I had worn, and it showed off too much of my assets for my comfort, but I knew it was beautiful.

"You will visit with us in the coming days," King Stephan said to her.

"Yes, your majesty." I had never seen Amber so happy. The queen hugged her again.

"Roland." The king glanced at the duke, his whole demeanor changing. Then the king's eyes landed on me. "Who is this?"

"My second wife's daughter, Sofia. She is here as a companion to Amber."

The king regarded me and I dropped my gaze. "Welcome, Lady Sofia."

"I am pleased to meet you, your majesty." I could barely breathe.

The king nodded and looked past us to others who were waiting to present themselves. Roland held out his arms for each of us, but only I took his arm. Amber rebuffed him, and went on her own to the one side of the hall that contained tables full of food and couches for sitting. I saw Roland grimace slightly but he led me that way also. "You should eat, Sofia. Eventually, the food will be reduced and dancing will begin."

"Yes, your grace."

The food consisted of cuts of meats, sausages, sauces, fruits, vegetables, and all kinds of deserts. Cider and wine were in ample supply. Servants filled a plate for you and then carried it to where you wanted to sit. Everything looked delicious and I wanted to try it all, but I also did not want to look greedy, or spill anything on my dress.

After my plate was full, I scanned the area to find Amber so I could sit with her. I found her, sitting with Lord Ian and Lady Jane and a few others. "This way-" I started to direct the servant but Roland caught my arm. "Let's go over here, Sofia." He led me away from everyone, to a quiet table surrounded by two settees and a couple armchairs.

I turned to look back at Amber laughing with her friends one more time, but then Roland was guiding me to the settee. The servants placed our plates in front of us and drinks were poured. "So, you've met the king," Roland smiled before popping a sausage into his mouth.

"Yes." I followed suit.

He finished chewing. "Not all that intimidating I hope."

"Quite the contrary. I was terrified."

Roland laughed. "At the end of the day, he's just a man."

I swallowed. _Why is Roland being so callous?_ "Perhaps if I knew him better."

Roland frowned. "There is no reason for you to know him better."

I nodded; Roland was correct.

"Your first dance will be with me."

The duke was beginning to irritate me. Granted, I had not been asked to dance yet, but the way he stated what I was going to do rankled me. _And the way he brought me over here, away from everyone else._ Still the chairs and tables near us were not yet taken, nor could we see everyone or everything from where we sat.

"How late do royal balls end?"

"Generally there are people still making a ruckus at dawn, but you don't need to know any of that. The drink tires most people out after midnight." He sipped his wine. "I'll make sure both you and Amber are tucked into bed well before dawn."

I laughed, picturing him tucking us into bed in my head.

"Do I amuse you?"

Telling him what I had thought brought a small smile to his face. "Perhaps I will need to tuck you in."

I flushed. "What would Johnna think?"

He laughed finally. "Speaking of Johnna, where is your friend?"

 _Probably wondering where I am._ "I've no idea, but I'm sure we will find each other."

"She's a good girl. Too bad she has not found anyone to settle down with."

"Is it so necessary for a woman to marry?"

He regarded me before he answered. "How would a woman be able to support herself? You cannot expect a woman's father or brothers to support them forever. That's not the way the world works."

I nodded because I could not think of a clever retort, or at least not one that would not anger Roland. "There you are," I heard Johnna and she came toward us, giving the duke a small curtsy. "It's a wonder you can even see back here in this dark corner, your Grace."

She sounded like she was teasing, but her face looked serious. "Lady Johnna," Roland rose. "Have you eaten?"

"Of course," she sat in the chair on the other side of him, "but it was so good I feel as if I should return to the banquet tables." She smiled at me as if she read my thoughts. "I just might wait a while so the drink makes everyone forget I ate, then go back for more. Did you try the chocolate-covered berries?" A servant came with fresh drinks for each of us.

"They were delicious," I agreed.

"Lady Johnna," Roland changed the subject. "I'd like for you to come visit us soon at home. Sofia will send the invitation when we arrive home. I'm sure Jane and Amber would like to see each other again as well before they are married."

"I appreciate the offer, Duke Roland. I would love to come visit."

"I told his Grace that perhaps you can teach me to ride." Johnna raised an eyebrow.

"I think it best that we get started on that immediately upon returning. Then, when Johnna visits you can ride together."

"That sounds wonderful."

We heard the music change suddenly from dining accompaniment to dancing.

"And so it begins," Johnna rolled her eyes. I giggled.

"We will wait this one out," said Roland, "but the next one we shall dance." I nodded. "And will you do me the honor of dancing with me for the third song, Lady Johnna?"

"Gladly," she smiled smugly. "Too often I'm stuck dancing with everyone's grandfather at these functions." She drank cider while Roland and I laughed. "It's true!"

"I find it refreshing that you feel I'm younger than all the grandfathers here."

"You are. You don't even look your age, Duke Roland. Everyone says so."

"Lady Johnna, I never thought you a gossip."

"It isn't gossip when I'm saying it to your face."

Roland laughed. "I guess you have me there."

The music began to decrescendo. Roland rose and offered me his hand. "If you'll excuse us."

"Of course. I'll be over by my sister."

"She is a tart one," Roland smiled as he led me to the open dance floor. The vibrant colors of dresses and suits and hair was stunning. The chandeliers full of candles and crystals cast radiant light over everyone, including us as we took our places.

"You like her?" I hoped he was pleased.

"I think she is a fine friend for you. A little nonconforming, but a good person."

We danced and I was glad Amber had forced me to learn some new steps. Roland must have seen the frustration in me as I tried to stay in formation because he told me to relax and that I was doing fine. It was fast-paced and fun. It seemed too soon that the dance was ending and Roland was leaving me near Amber's cohorts and leading Johnna to the floor.

I watched them, smiling. Johnna was indeed more relaxed than I and looked so graceful with Roland.

"Sofia, was it?"

I turned and looked at Lady Evelyn addressing me. "Yes."

She turned to watch Roland and Johnna. "They are not courting, are they?"

"Oh, no."

We both watched for a few moments before she spoke again. "You are not his daughter by blood, I take it?"

"No. Duke Roland married my mother when I was ten years old."

"You do not call him _father_?"

My back stiffened. "He has not…asked me to call him _father_." My answer sounded so pathetic.

"Interesting." My stomach churned. "Is he finding you a husband?"

"No, my lady."

"But you are old enough?"

"Yes. But he said this was Amber's year. She's slightly older than me."

"Well, that makes sense." Her tone was sarcastic but then became questioning again. "Unless he already has a husband in mind for you?"

I looked at her. "What do you mean?"

"Nothing dear. Oh, look, here they come."

Roland and Johnna approached and once Roland saw me with Lady Evelyn his smile was washed from his face.

"Lady Evelyn." He gave a curt bow.

"Duke Roland. Are you going to dance with me?" she simpered.

"Of course." He held out his arm and sent me a look that I could not read.

"What was that about?" Johnna slipped her arm through mine.

"I'm not sure."

"Come, I need more cider, and from the looks of it, you do too."


	16. Chapter 16

Cedric found me sitting with Johnna and happily surprised me by asking me to dance. "You are allowed to dance here?"

"Sorcerers have a more special position at the royal palace than they do in some duchys." I saw Johnna nod from the corner of my eye.

"Then yes, I'd love to dance with you. Excuse me, Johnna." I looked at her and she smiled, her eyes laughing as if she knew a secret.

Cedric was dressed, not in long robes, but in regular formal attire. "Can you dance?" I whispered.

"Of course," he scoffed. It felt good to be upon his arm.

"Don't smile too much," he whispered. "People might get the wrong idea." He turned me so I was facing him and I felt his hand on my lower back.

"I've missed you so much, Cedric."

"I can't stop thinking about you. Have you been having fun? I see you've made a friend."

"It has been ok here. Johnna is great. I can't wait for you to take us through the labyrinth tomorrow."

"I am looking forward to it as well."

We turned with the music. "Will this be our only dance together?"

"Not if I can help it." He pulled me a little closer, just as Roland had done, but with Cedric it was comforting. "You frowned. Is something wrong?"

"No. I just… I'm paranoid."

"Of what?"

"I'm not sure."

"Sofia, if you feel you are in danger, come find me. I don't care what people might say."

"I'm not in danger, Cedric. Really, I'm not. I just don't understand people. Or trust them very much." I looked at his lips hungrily. "Except you and Johnna."

"I want to kiss you," he breathed in a low voice.

"I want you to kiss me." My voice was raspy. "But I don't think this is the time or the place."

"Tomorrow then."

"With Johnna right there?" I laughed.

"Why not?" he smiled, spinning me around. "It would be easy to loser her in the labyrinth."

"Cedric!" I stopped myself from playfully slapping him.

"I'll be a perfect gentleman," he smiled down at me. Unfortunately, the music was ending. "I don't want to let you go."

"Can you sit with us?"

"For a while." He led me back to where Johnna sat, then sat in a chair near us.

Johnna, frowning, was listening to some ladies talking near her, but they quickly walked away as Cedric and I sat, "well he's always been after the young ones. And living with him she's accessible," was the last I heard from them.

"Is everything well?" I asked her.

She put on a smile but I could tell she was irritated. "Oh, you know all the old women here. Talking about things that are not their business. I shouldn't have even listened."

I smiled nervously. "I asked Cedric to sit with us for moment."

"Wonderful!" Her smile was genuine this time. The three of us talked for nearly an hour before Lord Ian came and asked me to dance. I graciously excused myself from Cedric, making him promise me that he would dance with me again.

Sweeping me out onto the floor, Ian proceeded to make me laugh. "I didn't think you were going to be here, Lord Ian."

"I wasn't, but my friend Gale's brother was unable to come, so Gale extended the invitation to me. I rode hard to get here in time."

"And here you are."

"I have a question for you, Sofia, and I hope you can give me an answer."

"I will try."

"Do you think Amber would marry me?"

My mouth fell open in surprise.

"I take that as a no?" He was clearly disappointed.

"No! I mean, no that is not a no. I mean…" I laughed. "I was not expecting that question."

"So, do you think she would?"

We turned and I glanced around to see if I could spy Amber anywhere. She was not in sight. Facing him again, I answered the best I could. "Lord Ian, it has been a few days since she has confided in me, but, I think you are still on her list of eligible bachelors."

"She has a list?" He was incredulous.

I laughed. "She's very organized."

"Has she crossed anyone off the list?"

Thinking of Hugo and some others, I answered, "Yes, a few."

"Good grief how long is this list?"

I could not stop giggling. "It was rather long at the beginning. She had all of you ranked." His eyes nearly popped out. "Don't worry, you were in the top level."

"Has anyone asked for her hand yet?"

"Not that I know of. But she's been spending her time here with Jane. I have hardly spoken to her."

Ian took a deep breath. "Then I must ask right away."

"Good luck."

The song ended with him bowing and me curtsying, and as we walked off the floor, I saw Cedric walking Johnna back to our seats. Once Johnna was seated, Cedric pulled me to the dance floor again.

"Lord Ian is going to ask for Amber's hand," I whispered to the sorcerer.

"Really?"

"Yes, and soon too."

"Interesting."

"Why?"

"The duchy he will inherit is smaller than Duke Roland's, however it borders us, and if Amber were to inherit, it would be quite a large area."

"But Michael will inherit."

Cedric nodded and looked away. "Johnna is very fond of you."

"I'm fond of her." He smiled and pulled me closer again. "I'm fonder of you though." _Why did I just say that?_ "I'm…I'm sorry…I-"

"I love you, Sofia." He said it quietly so the couples around us could not hear, but I was afraid they would hear my heart racing.

"You do?" I was exhilarated and breathless at the same time.

"I was going to tell you later… at a better time and place… but I… you look so beautiful. I couldn't wait anymore."

I could not hide my smile. The same feelings for Cedric had been growing in me but I had not been able to name them. "I love you too, Cedric."

"Damn it, I should have waited," he groaned.

"Why?"

"Because I want to kiss you, and it would not be proper to do that right here," he growled. "Damn it!"

I laughed. "We could go hide somewhere."

Cedric looked around. "Too many servants and we would not be the only ones _hiding_ in the shadows for a quick kiss."

Peering to the outskirts of the hall I searched or any signs of indiscretions being played out. "Are you serious?"

"Oh, Sofia, I love how innocent you are."

"Well, I don't!"

I did not even notice the song ending but suddenly Roland was next to us, asking for me to dance with him again. Cedric bowed to Roland, lightly kissed my hand, and then moved away. I suddenly felt cold, even with Roland's hand trailing down to the small of my back.

"You look to be enjoying yourself." Roland's statement held no mirth.

"I may have had too much cider. However, after this dance, I will need another drink."

Roland relaxed. "Just do not have too much, dear. Bad things can happen."

"I won't overdo it, I promise, your Grace."

His frown deepened. "Have you seen my daughter?"

"Not since we arrived." We spun around and I saw Lady Evelyn watching us. She was surrounded by other women who were all talking at her, while she simply watched. "Is Lady Evelyn an old friend?"

Roland shrugged. "Of sorts."

"She's very beautiful."

"Not as beautiful as you." He finally smiled. I blushed unwillingly. "I'm glad this blasted thing is nearly over so I can return you to your room."

"Is it that late?"

"It is nearing ten."

"But you won't force me to leave before midnight, will you?" I did not want to be shut back in my room, with or without Johnna. _This may be the best night of my life! Cedric loves me!_

"You are hiding something."

"What?"

"I can tell you are hiding something from me. Has someone said anything to you?"

 _Think!_ I knew my face was still red. "I cannot tell you who, because it's not my place, but, I think…" I giggled, and Roland looked annoyed, "I think someone will be asking for Amber's hand very soon."

Roland visibly relaxed and his smile came back. "Is that it? Who is going to ask?"

"It's not my place to tell, your Grace. But, it will be soon. You won't have to wait long."

"I thought you were going to tell me you were propositioned."

I laughed. "Would that be so bad?"

His forehead crinkled. "I think you have had a bit too much to drink." He pulled me closer. Too close, and I immediately pulled back. "Sofia," he said with a warning tone.

"I…I'm sorry, your Grace," I said looking at his chest.

"I think this needs to be your last dance."

"I feel very well, your Grace. Please don't make me leave. I'll drink water the rest of the night."

"No. I will escort you to your room. Do not argue with me, Sofia." His voice was hard, but his face was harder.

I swallowed a lump in my throat, and held back tears that stung my eyes.

The song ended quickly and Roland tucked my arm in his as he walked me to an exit. We passed many people in the halls, and nearly all stopped and stared. I held my head up, and bit my lower lip. Finally, we arrived at my room and Roland followed me inside.

I pulled my arm from his, but then he grabbed my wrist and forced me back to stand right in front of him. "Your Grace?" I asked, terrified.

"I told you to call me by my name," he growled, and then his mouth was on mine before I could apologize. My instincts made me pull back but he had moved one hand to the back of my head and the other arm was wrapped around my back, and I did not have the strength to push him away.

His tongue entered my mouth when I tried to say something, and I felt the tears fall from my eyes. Finally, I gave up. I had no idea what to do.

He was the one who broke us apart, resting his forehead against mine. "Sofia," he moaned, pressing my body to him. "Why are you crying?"

"I don't…don't want you to kiss me," I stammered before beginning to sob.

He moved my head to his chest and cradled me. "It's your first kiss. I understand. You'll grow to like it." One hand roamed over my back, while the other rubbed the nape of my neck. "Look at me, darling." I did not want to, but he was the duke, and then his lips were upon my cheeks, and all over my face before finding my mouth again.

Suddenly, I felt the bed behind my legs and realized he had maneuvered us there. He pushed me onto the mattress, still kissing me, and lying beside me. His hands wandered to my hip and stomach, and then slowly up to just below my breasts.

"No!" I yelled and pushed against him with all my strength.

He backed off but squeezed my upper arm with his hand. "What is wrong with you, Sofia?"

"I don't know what you are doing! You are scaring me!"

"I'm showing you how much I care about you."

"But you are…you are…" he squeezed my arm hard and I yelped. "You married my Mother!"

"I am not your father." His eyes glinted.

"But.."

"Stop being an idiot," he growled. "I have never been your father and I will not start now." His voice softened a little and he lowered his mouth to my neck. "You are very special, you know." Even though I did not like it, his breath on my neck tickled. "I want to show you how special you truly are."

"Duke Roland!" I cried and pushed at him again. I was unsuccessful but he moved away on his own though he still had me pinned to the bed.

"I will leave you," he growled, "but you are to stay in this room the rest of the night and I want you to think about your future and how it might turn out if you do not accept me."

He pushed himself off me, which caused more pain to my arms, but I blinked back the tears as he stood on his feet.

"You have nothing without me, Sofia. You would do well to remember that." He turned and left the room, not quite slamming the door, but shutting it loudly.

I stood and then crumpled sobbing to the floor, drew my knees up to my chest and buried my face in my crossed arms.


	17. Chapter 17

I had cleaned myself up, and dressed for bed before Johnna returned to our room. She immediately knew something was wrong, I could not hide anything from her, but I begged her to let me tell her later as I merely wanted to sleep.

"Just answer me this," she said. "Is it Cedric? I assumed you both liked each other. Did he hurt you?"

"I love Cedric," I whispered. "It is not him. I just, can't talk about it right now. I have no words."

"You will tell me later. I cannot stand to see you so upset."

I nodded, fighting the tears from starting to fall again. After swallowing I whispered, "Good night, Johnna. Thank you for being my friend."

"Good night, Sofia." I buried my head under a pillow and closed my eyes.

* * *

Breakfast was served in our sitting room in the morning. Johnna and I rose early but with Jane and Amber in the next room, we could not talk in confidence, and still, I was not ready. Jane came to sit with us moments before Amber, who came from the hall door, not the bedroom.

"Sofia, where is Father?"

My eyes grew big. "I don't know."

"His maid said his bed was not slept in last night."

I was just as surprised as everyone but could only shrug my shoulders.

"Errrr!" she planted herself in a chair. "I _must_ talk to him immediately!"

I halfway hoped King Stephan had Roland removed from the palace but that was not likely. "Is it something I can help with?"

Amber looked over at me coldly. "You? Ha!" She began to dish herself some breakfast. "Is there any wine?"

Jane handed her a decanter of breakfast wine.

"Are you feeling better, Sofia?" Amber asked, finally being nice.

"Better?"

"Father said you felt quite ill last night. He said you've been drinking too much." She stopped buttering a roll and pointed the knife at me. "You need to limit yourself, dear. I don't need you embarrassing me. Especially not now."

"Has someone asked you?" Jane smiled.

Amber could not keep this secret, but she tried anyway. "Perhaps. And this is why I need to talk to my Father!" She groaned and bit into the roll.

"He'll turn up," Johnna smiled. "He was with Lady Evelyn quite late last night."

"She's a loose woman from what I hear," Jane remarked.

"Jane," Johnna chided.

"She is," agreed Amber. "She married an old man for money, and even before he died she had too many male friends."

"She had no choice in whom she married," Johnna contested. "She was betrothed to Sir Edmund at a very young age. She may have gained money, but he gained land."

"Whatever." Amber sat straight. "I just realized, I don't need Father at all. I'm meeting with my aunt and uncle this afternoon. They will give me what I need." A satisfied look flooded her face. "Oh, I cannot wait!"

"I think I want to go back to bed," Jane stretched.

"Do. Many people will be sleeping in or napping this morning." Johnna finished her tea. "As for me, I think I'll spend some time in the library."

"Boring," quipped Jane. "How about you Sofia? What will you do today?"

"I haven't given it much thought." I did not want to tell them that Cedric would be meeting Johnna and I to show us the labyrinth.

"You can join me in the library," Johnna pressed, though I have some writing to do, so I will not be able to talk for a time."

"I may take you up on that after a while, however, like Jane I might lie back down for a bit." It was a lie and it tasted horrible in my mouth. I wanted to try and find Cedric. _But could I tell him?_

"You look ill, Sofia," Jane said with some concern.

"I think I'll go lie down. Excuse me." I could not make eye contact with anyone and went straight to bed, not even changing out of my dress.

I must have fallen asleep again, for when I woke, the other three were gone. My stomach told me dinner would be soon, but the need to find Cedric was more important.

I left the room to find an empty hall. Heading toward the stairs I heard people laughing. Why, I was not sure, but I hid myself behind a tapestry a peaked around the edge. A door opened, and Roland glanced into the hall, before stepping out. An arm reached out for him, and he turned back around, pulling Lady Evelyn to him for a kiss. I noted he was still wearing the same clothes as the night before. My stomach twisted. They whispered a few words before she returned to her room, and he hurried the opposite way from me, toward his.

My breathing ceased until he was gone, then I ran for the stairs. I figured Cedric would not be in his room at this time of the morning, so I began to head for the library. Unfortunately, I could not remember the way. I looked for a servant or anyone who could direct me, but the first people I ran into were men, near Roland's age, and they smirked at me.

Double-guessing myself on whether to ask them for help, I stopped in my tracks, thinking it might be best to run away.

"Are you lost, little one?" asked the shorter of the men.

"I…I'm looking for the library."

They laughed. "You mean you aren't searching for your duke?"

"If he hasn't been with you, who has he been with?"

"I will find it myself, thank you sirs," and I moved to go around them, but the tall one caught my arm.

"I can see why he keeps you."

"She's very young."

"Please take let me go." The panic was starting to rise in me.

The man pulled me closer. "If Roland releases you soon, will you be my mistress next?"

My jaw dropped. "What?"

They were still laughing and the other man reached out and touched my hair. "She's so young it will be a while before Roland moves on to another."

I pushed the man that held me. "What are you talking about? He's my step-father!"

The man let me go but the other one caught me. "You can call us step-fathers too, if you like." I tried to pull away from that man as well.

"You…you are both disgusting," my voice was becoming shrill. "Let me go!" A servant came around the corner then, but averted her eyes and kept walking. "Help me!" I yelled at her. She did not turn back.

"Give me a kiss, and promise you'll leave Roland for me, and I'll let you go," the short man laughed.

I slapped him, hard, so hard, my hand immediately began to hurt, but he let go and I ran the way the servant had gone. The tall man was bellowing with laughter but it became more faint as I ran. Finally, I recognized where I was in the castle, and I went straight to my room. I locked the door once more and sat, shaking.

* * *

Johnna was the one who found me. "You didn't come to the dining room, Sofia, so I asked that something be sent up for you. Tea won't be for a few more hours and I know you must be famished. Sofia, what happened?" She put her arm around me and I began to sob. The words still would not come. "You said it was not Cedric, so… is it the duke?"

She saw me nod, and pulled me into a close hug. "Oh, Sofia, take your time."

I cried for a few more minutes, and then I told her about what had happened the night before, and then about the men who had accosted me. She looked very angry and I apologized and then she became even angrier. "Sofia! Do not apologize. This is not your fault! Don't you dare apologize!"

She stood up and started pacing the room and gripping her skirt in her fists. "Damn him!" That phrase was said a few times.

"Does everyone think I'm Roland's whore?" I blurted.

Johnna looked as if she was going to reassure me but then bit her own lip. "I have heard talk, but I didn't realize it was this bad." Gasping, my hands covered my face. "Sofia, it's really the duke that is looked down upon here. He's… not well liked by many. I've been told that though he married the king's youngest, and favorite, sister, Duke Roland was quite promiscuous, even during their courtship, and likely during their marriage."

"I do not love him."

"Of course you don't."

"What am I going to do?"

She was silent. The question did not have an answer and we both knew it. "You really had no idea that the duke was like this? Your mother never said anything?"

"Johnna," I swallowed. "When people say that I was a nurse to James, it is true. Except for Mother's wedding celebration, I was never invited to meals. Every meal I had was either in my room or with James. I rarely left his side until Michael was born. It was only James, Cedric and me. In the last five years, I could probably count how many times I saw Mother on both hands." I looked down at my hands. "And I was fine with that. James and Cedric were my world, and all I wanted was for James to get well."

"Oh, my lord."

"I miss James."

"Did he know about his father?"

Shrugging, I looked back up to her. "His father never came to see him. Never asked after him. So, I doubt it. Amber was all that mattered… until Michael."

"Wow, your family is a mess."

I laughed, but only a little.

She sat next to me and held my hand while I was too tired to think, and I could see she was imagining every possible scenario and outcome. I did not realize that I had drifted off to sleep, my head on her shoulder, until she woke me and said it was time to meet Cedric outside the labyrinth. Glancing in the mirror I was horrified to see that my eyes were still red and puffy, my nose was red and the rest of me was pale.

"I look horrible."

"The walk and fresh air will do you some good. Come on," she tucked my arm in hers, and then we made our way to the gardens.

Cedric was waiting for us at the entrance to the labyrinth and my breath caught when I saw him. When we came nearer though, he immediately knew something was not right. He looked around to see who might be in the area before taking my hand. "Sofia, what is it?"

"Let's not do this here, Cedric," said Johnna as tears threatened at the back of my eyes. "Will you show us the labyrinth now?"

"Of course." He waved us through the entrance. The maze was constructed of different types of stone, sometimes sandstone, sometimes stacked stones, sometimes brick, and then once in a while there was a tall hedge of dense bushes that seemed to run for hundreds of feet. "To the right, ladies."

"I know the point of this is to come out at a designated place," Johnna smiled, but might there be someplace even more secluded and private in here?"

"I'll let you in on a little-known secret," Cedric returned the smile. "The labyrinth was built with magic."

"But that is not a secret," I said. "You already told us."

"But the really secret part is that the walls move. There is always an endpoint, but the maze is never the same, even for people who have finished it before." He went to the wall, placed his hand on it, whispered a word, and an opening appeared. Cedric went through, beckoned us, and as soon as we entered, the wall sealed up behind us.

I gazed around. We were surrounded by four walls, with no breaks, and in the center, was a fountain surrounded by benches and flowers and small bushes. "It's a garden!"

"And no one will be able to enter and disturb us," Cedric turned to me. "Now, tell me what happened."

I choked up. Looking at Johnna, she shrugged and made it clear that I would have to decide, and say. Then I looked at Cedric again. I remembered him telling me he loved and I was afraid that whatever wonderful thing we had would change.

But I told him anyway. He reacted much like Johnna, but did not speak. She held me while I cried and Cedric stormed to a far corner.

"You are scaring her!" Johnna accused.

"I'm going to kill him."

"You are not. Calm down and let's think rationally. That's what Sofia needs. She needs a plan."

Cedric turned and ran his hand through his hair, frustrated, then came and sat next to me. He stuck his hand inside his robe and pulled out a small, felt bag. "Sofia." I looked at him and saw a mix of emotions all over his face. "I, I'm sorry. I wish I had been able to give this to you earlier. I wish I could have stopped this before it started."

"What is it?"

He turned the bag upside down and something fell into his hand. "I did not have the information I needed at home to make this, but I found it here. I just finished it this morning." He straightened out the item and I saw that it was a necklace with a deep purple pendent, shaped like a natural crystal. "It's an amulet for protection." He looked at it and then back to me. "Please forgive me for not having the resources to make it before now."

"It's…beautiful. How does it protect someone?"

"It only works if the person who gives it to you truly loves you. And I do, you know."

"You still do? After this?"

"Yes! Of course!" He grabbed my hand. "We may need some help from Johnna, but we are going to figure this out. But this amulet, it should give you more strength, and I believe it helps deter people from coming near, if you feel fear, except for the one you love. It's an old spell, not one that is often made or even known. I read a reference about something like this in a book at home, and you said you were feeling paranoid, so I thought I would research this when I was at the royal library."

"You loved me back then?"

"I didn't know it was a requirement back then, but, yes, I guess I did. But not as much as I do now."

"Well," Johnna rolled her eyes, "are you going to put it on her or not?"

For once, Cedric's fingers were fumbling as he unclasped it. I turned my back to him and made sure my hair was out of the way, and then felt him move the necklace around my neck. It tickled a little when he was trying to clasp it. Johnna laughed at us and I could not help but smile.

"There. It's clasped."

I looked down but it was hard to see.

"Here." Cedric whispered something to the water in the fountain, and it stilled, making a perfect mirror.

"It's gorgeous," I breathed.

"You are gorgeous."

I turned back to him, throwing my arms around him. He hugged me tight, and after a minute, our lips found each other for a chaste kiss.

"Now," said Johnna, "if you two are done for a moment, we need a plan. It's apparent that Sofia is still going to be pursued by the duke."

Cedric grimaced. "And he is my employer."

"Let's walk the labyrinth and go discuss our potential solutions."


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: Thank you for the reviews! It means a lot to me!

* * *

Johnna, Cedric, and I proceeded to follow the trail of the labyrinth, and though I should have been able to enjoy the journey, I could not. My future was more serious. I could not stop thinking about Roland's threat, about how I had nothing without him.

We discussed me running away while we were away from home, but I had no idea how to survive on my own, even if I had somewhere to go. Johnna wanted me to stay with her at her home until something could be decided, but I reminded her that Roland would say no, because I was to be Amber's companion for a while yet. Cedric was ready to take me to his parent's home, but his disappearance at the same time as mine would be suspect.

Finally, we decided that Johnna would not leave my side the rest of the time we were guests at the palace, and then when we parted, Cedric would stay as near as possible, while he arranged for a way to get me away from Roland, and he would join me later. Once this route was chosen, I felt immensely better. We came to the exit of the labyrinth and though I wished our time in there could have lasted longer, it was well past time for tea, and I was feeling hungry.

Just outside the exit were six of the king's guards. They looked at us and we paused before continuing. "Lady Sofia?" one asked.

"I am Sofia."

"Come with us."

"Why should she go with you?" Johnna butted in. "Where are you taking her?"

"King Stephen has ordered her presence. We will take her from here." Two of them reached out for me.

"Do you have to manhandle her? She'll go peacefully," Cedric tried to move in front of me.

"Stand down."

"It's ok, Sir Cedric," I said quickly. I glanced at Johnna too. "I will go see the king." The soldiers marched in a formation of two by six, except for me in the middle. I heard Cedric and Johnna whispering behind us, so I knew I was not alone.

The route the soldiers took through the garden and into the castle was short. We climbed a back stairway to the second floor and stopped outside a door. Two guards stood outside the door, one knocked and then stepped inside. "You may enter," that guard said to me. I heard Johnna and Cedric step forward but the remaining guards stopped them and told them they had to leave.

I turned and nodded at them. I had no idea what this was about, but I was sure I would not need Johnna and Cedric. _Perhaps the king wants to meet Amber's sister._

I entered the room and heard the door shut behind me. King Stephan sat in an elegant chair, and I gave him a deep curtsy.

"Rise."

I rose and looked around. A man sat next to the king, and he looked familiar. Then I realized where I had seen him. He had been one of the men that I had run into that morning. _Is he the one I slapped?_

"Your majesty, this is Sofia."

"This is the one?" the king looked at the man next to him.

"Yes, Father."

The king's eyes swung back at me. "Do you deny that you struck one of my son's this morning?"

I gasped. "I…I…"

"Your majesty," Roland said, "Sofia would never hurt anyone. She is much too-"

"Shut your mouth, Roland. I'm asking your mistress if she dared to lay a hand on the royal prince this morning."

I looked at the man who was apparently the prince, and he smirked at me."

"Your majesty, forgive me, I did not know and-"

"You will be punished for this."

"Twenty lashes?" asked the prince.

The king paused, staring at me. "She is quite young and I doubt she could handle twenty lashes. However, she is not the only guilty party." His eyes swung to Roland and I could see the enmity between them. "How dare you have the gall to bring your new slut to the childhood home of _my sister!_ "

"I'm not-"

"Quiet!" the king and Roland both hissed at me. "Roland, you are banished from the royal palace and grounds henceforth and you will take your whore with you. I will have your servants pack your things and deliver them to you."

"Let me collect me daughter and we will-"

"Lady Amber will finish her stay here with her family. I have taken it upon myself, with her permission, to accept a marriage proposal."

"To who?" Roland bellowed. "I am her father, not you."

" _I am the king!_ " The room was silent as they stared at each other, and the prince smirked at me, and then the king yelled, "Guards!"

He instructed the guards to escort Roland and I immediately, not stopping until we were outside the walls. Roland grabbed my upper arm, making me cry out in pain, and just like I was marched to the king's room, we were marched through the castle, in front of many, many people, and out the front door and out to the city gate.

"How could you do this to us!" Roland raged as soon as we were outside the palace walls. He yanked my arm and I cried out again. I was already bruised; however he did not let go. "I ought to sell you to the first brothel we find. Why in the hell would you strike the prince?"

"He was hurting me!" Roland looked at me. "And I didn't know he was a prince. I was scared and he and the other man would not let me go."

For a split second, I thought I saw compassion on Roland's face, but it was quickly replaced with ire. "Come on."

He led me into the city. The further we were from the castle, the more common people were dressed, and the more dilapidated homes and businesses were.

"Where are we going?"

"We are going to find an inn."

"But we've passed several."

"I have little coin on me at the moment, my dear, and besides, those are the inns the king would expect me to stay at."

"He's going to look for you?"

"It's possible."

I swallowed. We were entering a part of the city that was even more desperate than I had experienced as a child. Roland and I stood out with our fine clothing. Children came up to us, begging for a coin or bread, or anything. Small groups of adults, both men and women, were eying us maliciously. As much as I did not want to be near Roland, I moved closer to him.

We stopped in front of a three-story building that had a board hanging outside, with two faded, painted tulips. "Here," he said. He opened the door and went in first. The smell had me immediately putting my hand over my face. There were many men in the common room, and a few women, wearing very little clothing. I averted my eyes as Roland led me to the bar.

"What are you doing here?" The person behind the bar asked.

"I need a room for the night. Maybe two nights."

"Two rooms," I said quietly.

Roland sighed. "Two rooms."

"We aren't exactly your kind of inn."

"I thought you'd be happy for a bit of coin," Roland scowled. "It's all right, there are other inns." He started to turn us toward the door, but the man said to wait.

I have a couple rooms for ya. He called for someone and a minute later a woman came through a door from the back, swearing and yelling back at the man.

"Give them a couple rooms." He glanced at Roland. "You gotta pay up front, though."

Roland took a small purse from a pocket and picked out some coins. "This includes board as well." He held the coins until the innkeeper nodded.

"But not drinks. Drinks are extra."

Roland nodded. He paid the man, and the woman led us to a set of rickety wood stairs that creaked and groaned with even just my weight. She led us to a couple rooms at the end of the hall on the second floor. Each had a small pallet in it.

"What about linens?"

"That's costs extra." The lady smiled. "Most people who stay here don't care much for linens and have someone to keep them warm at night."

My face turned red and I hid it behind Roland. "Will this do?" He must have handed her a coin. "And I want them to be clean!" He called as she hurried back down the hall.

"Sofia, you get the furthest room. I'll send a message for our things to be brought here. I don't want you to leave this room without me beside you, all right?"

I nodded, half-wishing I had not said anything about having two rooms. "Is there a lock?"

"I doubt it. Just expect that people will go through your things here. If you have anything valuable, wear it."

"Do we have to stay here?"

He pushed me into what would be my room. "You are the reason we are here! _You!_ What the hell were you thinking, Sofia! You are lucky your backside isn't torn in strips right now, or worse. I told you King Stephan is a madman."

I did not remember Roland saying that exactly, but he kept yelling. "We would have been fine if you would have just kept your head down. Do you know what this means? I've lost the little bit of favor I had with the king, and everyone else." He stepped toward me and I backed up until the wall met me. "This is all your fault!" He lips were barely moving as he hissed at me. "I should have sacrificed you to him."

"Your grace." I begged putting my hands up to keep him away from me. "I didn't know."

"Keep your mouth shut, you idiot." Then his lips were on my again, one hand gripping the back of my head while I pounded my fists against his chest. An idea came to me then. I opened my mouth, and though his tongue came into mine, I bit down hard, on his tongue and part of his lip.

My eyes had been closed so I never saw his hand hit me, but my head swung to the side violently just before I fell to the floor. "You bastard," he spat. My focus was not great, but I thought I saw blood run down his chin. "Don't you leave this room."

He slammed the door and left me in a daze on the floor.


	19. Chapter 19

When the woman came back to the room with linens, she saw me on the floor. I had noticed how dark it was, as the room had no windows, and though I was still shaken, I had enough wherewithal to ask for a candle.

"That's costs extra," she smiled.

"I don't have any money."

She laughed. "Then you better makes nice with your man."

Her speech was getting on my nerves. She dropped a sheet and blanket on the pallet. "I hopes you like stew cuz that's all you get tonight."

I nodded and waited for her to leave, which she did. Crawling over to the pallet, I noticed tears in the ticking, the mouldy straw, and fleas. I grabbed the sheet and blanket and lay them on the floor. I used to sleep on a dirt floor when mother and I lived with another family for a while. I figured the wood would not be so bad.

I crawled back to the wall and sat again. _What are Cedric and Johnna thinking now? They have no idea where I am. How long will we be here? Should I run now?_ Remembering the people who stared at us in this part of the city frightened me _. This is probably about the safest place right now_.

My stomach rumbled and I wished I had tried harder to eat earlier in the day. I wished for a bottle of the wine or cider from the ball the night before. _Was that really only last night?_ It was beginning to feel like days had passed since I had been the happiest in my life to the most scared.

The door opened suddenly, and the light that came in blinded me. "Get up." Roland stood there until I met him at the door. "Why is it so dark in here?"

"No window and a candle costs extra."

"Damn. Well, you won't be doing anything but sleeping in here anyway."

He led me down the hall toward the stairs. "When will we leave?"

"I don't know. I sent a message to Amber. I don't want her to stay at the palace any longer than we originally planned."

We carefully descended the stairs and found a table in the common room. One of the women wearing basically a skirt and a corset brought bowls of food to the table with a loaf of bread. "Do you have wine?" Roland asked her.

She laughed. "I'll let you make me whine and moan later, milord."

"As tempting as that is," he replied sarcastically, "what do you have to drink?"

"Ale. That's it."

"Then two mugs of ale."

She turned and sauntered away.

I noticed there were no utensils, so I broke off a piece of bread and dipped it into the stew. "How are we supposed to eat this?" Roland yelled.

"You drink from the bowl, your Grace, and you use the bread…"

"You would know this, wouldn't you?" I looked away from his eyes. "I'm sorry, Sofia. I should not be taking out my anger on you. And call me Roland." He reached out and stroked my face. I winced because it was bruised. "Does that hurt?"

I shook my head no. He knew I was lying.

Roland watched how I ate and followed suit. The stew was quite good but I knew better than to ask what was in it, and I prayed Roland would not ask either. The ale was strong, but it was all they had. He ordered us each a second mug when the woman took our bowls.

Just then, Roland's guards and a couple servants walked in the door. They bowed to Roland, and it seemed each of them looked at me and then looked again as if they could see the bruise on my face, and then they each made a point to not look at me. "Did my daughter send a message?"

"Lady Amber said she would leave at the previously planned time, as she has a wedding to plan."

Roland nodded, but I saw his jaw tense. "And you have our items?"

"All but Lady Sofia's best dresses," the guard paused. "Lady Amber stated she would have those packed with her own so they aren't… ruined."

"Good, good."

"Will we be staying here, your Grace?"

"Are you allowed back into the castle?"

"We were not told otherwise."

"Then go back. Enjoy yourselves. Keep your eye on my daughter. I will send a messenger if I decide to depart earlier than planned."

"And Lady Sofia? She does not need protection?" The guards still did not look at me.

"No, she's fine. In fact, Sofia, show them where to place our luggage."

I nodded and led the servants and a couple guards up the stairs, which groaned with the weight of our trunks. I opened the doors and instructed them with which things went where. "My lady," said one guard, "where is your lamp or candle?"

"It's an extra cost. I have no money and the duke doesn't want to…" I trailed off. One of the servants opened my trunk and pulled out an envelope and handed it to me.

"Please read it my lady, and let me know if you'll send a response."

I had to take it closer to a candle sconce on the hallway wall, and I opened it. I did not recognize the handwriting, but Johnna had signed it. _Sofia, please let me know where you are and if you are well. We will come for you immediately._ It took me a moment to understand the writing. I had no formal education but had learned some reading from other children when I was young, and then James taught me what he could, however, even his education had been cut short as Roland did not want to waste money on a child who would not live long. Johnna's handwriting was so beautiful, and even if I'd had the tools to write back, I would have been embarrassed. My penmanship was horrible.

"Can you give Lady Johnna a verbal message?"

"Yes, miss."

"Please tell her that I am fine, and that there's no need to worry. But, you can tell her where I am. But that I am fine."

The guards and servants with me all looked at me like they knew I was lying. For the first time in hours, a tear slipped from my eyes. "Please, just go. And give her my best." I handed the note back to the servant, wiped my face and headed for the stairs.

"My lady," one of the guards stopped me. "Get yourself some light." He pressed a couple coins into my hand.

"Oh, I can't accept-"

"I won't take them back."

"Thank you," I whispered, and another tear fell.

"Now now," said the servant that handed me the note in the first place. "We need to leave. This part of town is not safe for anyone at night."

I nodded, cleared my throat and wiped my face again. "Thank you."

They followed me back down to the table where Roland sat with the other guards, laughing and drinking. They stood as I neared the table. "Sofia," Roland waved at me. "Go back to your room. One of you can escort her."

"Good night, your grace," I gave a small curtsy and let the guard who gave me coins escort me back upstairs. As we made our way, he got one of the girl's attention and asked them to bring light up to my room.

"You are too kind." I told him in the upstairs hall.

"We watched you care the duke's son for five years," he grumbled, "and the man won't even get you a candle in this dump?"

I could not speak. The lump in my throat was too large.

"Once you get the light, Lady Sofia, move your trunk against the door so it will be harder for someone to force their way in."

Nodding, I grabbed his hand and squeezed. "Thank you!" I whispered.

"Good night, Lady Sofia." He bowed and shut my door on the way out. After a small lamp was brought and I slipped the woman a coin, I did as the guard had suggested, and slid the trunk against the door.


	20. Chapter 20

I wish I could say I had slept fitfully, but it would not have been true. When I did drift off, I woke to moans and laughter coming from Roland's room. In fact, it sounded like Roland had not one, but two women in his room.

Groaning, I put my hands over my ears. The blanket and sheet were under me, as well as my nightgown. I slept in my dress and under my cloak. It was comfortable enough. I was in no position to ask for anything more.

After that, other noises throughout the building seemed amplified. I heard mice and the wind and people outside and snoring and kitchen noises. Counting and deep breathing did not seem to help. My face and arms ached, where Roland had hit or grasped me. I should have been grateful that I was not whipped, but perhaps that would have been better than being where I was now. Then again, even if I had gotten the lashes, Roland and I would still have been thrown out.

 _Everyone thinks I'm his mistress!_ Groaning again, I wondered how to dispel that rumor. Or if it even could be dispelled. It was true, he had kissed me, and I shivered, not wanting to think about anything, _but why didn't he put a stop to what people were saying? He didn't even correct the king!_

The only reason I knew the sun was rising was because I heard more noise in the kitchen and I smelled food. Stomach churning, I wished for water to clean with, but still changed into a fresh dress, the plainest I could find in my trunk.

Roland snored next door, and I contemplated sneaking out of my room and getting some breakfast, but finally decided to wait for him to wake, even if it took hours. Facing his wrath was not high on my list, nor did I want anything worse to happen, no matter how much I wanted breakfast.

A knock on the door stirred me from my reverie. "Who is it?"

"My lady, it's Elliot, the guard from last night. If you are hungry, I could walk you down for breakfast."

"How do I know it's you?" I pressed my ear against the door.

"I gave you a silver and two coppers last night."

I figured if the guard was not who he said, I could scream for Roland. Pushing the trunk slightly away, I cracked the door open. It was him, the guard from before. Opening the door enough, I slipped out. "Sir Elliot?"

"Just… Elliot. My only title is guard."

"Why are you here?"

"I will tell you over breakfast. I don't think his Grace will be waking anytime soon."

I nodded and waved for him to go first. When we began to descend the stairs, I grimaced. "These scare me."

"Good thing your room isn't on the top level."

We were the only two in the common room so we sat ourselves at a table. "Thank you, for bringing me down here. I am quite hungry, and I… I was not sure I would even get breakfast."

Elliot smiled. "I'm glad to be of assistance, and while we are alone, I have a message for you." Reaching into his coat he pulled out another envelope, then slid it across the table.

Opening it immediately, I saw two notes inside. The first, again from Johnna. _Sofia, I've been told by the servants that you are quite well, and I am extremely pleased. If I can get away, I will call upon you. Yours, Johnna._ Rereading it, I wondered if she was trying to say something different, in case the message was intercepted, or found. _Did the servants tell her I was well? I did tell them to say so._

The second note was from Cedric and quite long.

 _Sofia, my love. Do not fear, this message has a spell upon it so only you will be able to read it. The guards told Lady Johnna and I where you are. I am furious and wanted to come immediately but Johnna and Elliot stopped me for fear it would make things worse with Roland. I have paid Elliot to stay as your guard, even though he is in the duke's employ. I believe he is trustworthy enough for that task._

 _The rumors in the palace are mad. I have tried to squelch them, but I do not think I'll be able to unless I ply everyone in the kingdom with memory-erasing potion. And do not worry, I do not believe them. Duke Roland has asked me to watch Lady Amber until it is time for us to leave. It is only two more days but I fear that is too long. Our plans will still proceed with a little tuning as I've already made the inquiries needed._

 _I cannot promise I will not come to see you. I told Johnna that. Sofia, stay in your room, and don't go anywhere without Elliot. I love you, and I will see you soon._

 _Cedric_

I did not realize a tear had slipped down my cheek until it landed on the parchment. I folded the notes and put them in my skirt pocket.

"I can take a message back to them."

I cleared my throat. "I need time to think of something to say." Smiling at Elliot, I said, "Perhaps later."

The woman who had a cost for everything came in to the room then. "You'll be wanting breakfast, I take it?" she asked from across the room. We nodded and she went back to the kitchen. A moment later she returned with two reheated bowls of last night's stew and fresh bread. "Waste not, want not."

"Could we have some ale?"

"You got money?"

"I do." Elliot fished out a coin and dropped it in her hand. "That should be enough for two mugs each."

"I'll be back."

We began to eat, and she brought all four mugs of ale at once. Elliot rolled his eyes when the woman turned around, and I could not help but giggle. "Of all the inns in the city…" he did not finish his sentence and glanced over his shoulder to make sure Roland was not around.

"If you could let Johnna know that I received her message and that I'm fine and look forward to traveling with her in a couple days, I would be ever so grateful."

"You don't want to write that down?"

"Uh, no. I don't have anything to write with, and I dare not ask the woman," my head bent toward the kitchen, "how much it would cost for some ink and parchment." Elliot laughed and we continued to dine.

With it just being us in the common room, the noise of Roland descending the steps alerted us to his presence. Elliot rose and bowed. Roland nodded, then grabbed his head. "Ah, thank you, Elliot…for…" he waved his hand toward the table, "this."

"I shall ask for some stew for you," he moved to call after the woman.

"No!" Roland said too sternly. "I mean, no thank you. I can't eat. But an ale would be nice."

Elliot left to find the woman and Roland sat beside me, cradling his head in his hands.

"Are you well?"

"Keep your voice down," he hissed.

I did not think I had spoken too loudly, but then I realized Roland had likely drunk too much the night before. "Cedric has a cure for this," I whispered.

"Cedric is not here, Sofia."

Deciding to not speak to him was my best choice. Elliot returned with an ale and Roland drank it greedily. Roland's presence dampened the mood, as I did not want to ire him any further with my speaking. The three of us were silent until the front door opened and several guards escorting a woman came it.

It was Lady Evelyn, and she covered her nose and mouth against the smell of the place, just as I had when I first entered _. I must have gotten used to it. Oh no, do I smell like this place now?_

"Roland!" She spied us and came over. Both Roland and Elliot stood to greet her, and I followed suit, but Roland's hand came down on my shoulder, pushing me back into my seat.

"You came to slum around with us, my lady?"

"I would expect this of someone like her," Evelyn's eyes darted to me, "but you Roland? There are better inns in this town."

The innkeeper and the woman came out and Lady Evelyn waved them away. "We require nothing but a moment of this man's time. Please give us privacy." They went back to the kitchen. Evelyn's hands twitched and her guards moved to the other side of the room. Elliot moved to join them. I tried to move, but Roland was still partially leaning on my shoulder.

"What do you want Evelyn?"

"I thought you were going to _fix_ things."

"Well, I thought long and hard about it, and decided it wasn't worth it."

"Why didn't you just let the king punish her?"

"I would have, but he decided to punish me instead."

I swallowed. Roland would have let them beat me? Evelyn smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. "Perhaps if your little virgin would have realized it was a prince showing her affections she would have left you for a higher status."

"You would like that outcome, wouldn't you?"

"This is not over, Roland."

"It is for now. I likely won't be back here anytime soon."

"He knows where you are."

"Did you tell him?"

The guards talk just as much as the servants." Her eyebrow raised. "Or perhaps your little virgin has been communicating with someone?"

"Stop calling her that." Roland was annoyed. My face burned. I did have a note from Johnna in my pocket, and hopefully a blank looking note from Cedric if his spell worked.

"What do you want me to call her?" She reached out to touch my face which was still bruised. "Is this your handiwork? You haven't lost your touch, have you?"

Roland growled. "Get out, Evelyn."

She laughed. "Trust me, I'm not here for my own entertainment." Glancing between the two of us she laughed again, "or maybe I am." She waved for the guards and grew more serious. "This is the only warning I will give you, Roland, and only because we have been _friends_ for so long." With that, she and her guards left the inn.

"Elliot," Roland barked. "I have some messages for you to take to the palace, but take Sofia to her room first." Elliot nodded, and soon I found myself sitting on my makeshift bed, in a shadowy room once again.

I had no idea how much time had passed but I was guessing it was about an hour before Roland tried to come into my room. The trunk stopped his progress as he pushed the door open. "Sofia!"

Jumping up, I apologized and moved the trunk further. Roland looked around, squinted his eyes when he saw the lamp, and barked, "Get packed. We are leaving."

"Right now? Where are we going?"

"Home. Men will be up in just a moment for your things. Meet me downstairs."

"Is Elliot here?"

"I sent him to the castle." He looked at me with his forehead creased. "Why?"

"I… I just thought I would need an escort downstairs."

"There's no one else here but us." He walked out of my room and I had barely enough time to throw the clothes and cloak I had used for bedding into my trunk when two men came in. I followed them downstairs and waited by Roland as he watched his luggage brought down and loaded into a carriage waiting right outside the door.

"I thought we were waiting for-"

"Sometimes plans change, Sofia." Once the trunks were loaded, Roland held out his arm and we walked to the carriage. He helped me in, and instead of sitting across from me, he sat beside me on the cushioned bench.

"Does Elliot know?"

"What is this with Elliot? Are you sweet on him?" I shook my head. "You better not be." He put his hand on my knee and squeezed painfully.

"Are you ready, sir?" asked the driver out the window.

"Yes." Roland did not even glance at him.

"Will we return the way we came?"

"No. We'll be staying in inns along the way. We might even make better time without having to be entertained each night."

I nodded. His hand was still on my knee and my mouth and throat were dry. Roland stayed awake until we were out of the city completely, but soon enough he was asleep and snoring on my shoulder. Sometime after that, his head was in my lap as he tried to stretch.

As we were facing the back of the carriage I kept checking out the windows to see if anyone was following. I daydreamed about Cedric riding alongside the carriage, and me jumping out and into his arms and then we would run away. But that was just a daydream, and after I woke from a nap, I saw that Roland's head was still in my lap, he was looking up at me with a smile, and my fingers were threaded through Roland's hair.


	21. Chapter 21

The carriage Roland hired was getting us home more quickly, but we did have to change horses more often. The third evening was upon us and we would be stopping for the night soon. We were finally back in Roland's duchy, but we would not arrive at the castle until the next day.

Roland's thumb stroked the back of my hand as he held it in his and I watched his thumb move back and forth. He had told me that he sent messages to Amber and Cedric that he was hiring a coach and we would be going home early. Elliot was not aware of what Roland's messages contained, so we were gone before anyone knew. And after we woke from our naps the first day in the carriage, and he told me this, he began to kiss me again, but much more gently.

He apologized for hurting me, and promised he would protect me and what could I say to that? I had nowhere to go, and he was being nice. The first two nights, we stayed at small town inns which were much better than where we had been in the royal city. The beds were comfortable, the food was delicious, and the people were courteous. Last night, there had been music and dancing, and Roland had pulled me out to the floor and showed me he could dance like common people.

He had too much to drink again, and did not want to leave me alone in my room, but I finally tricked him. I followed him into his room, got him to lay down, and he was asleep instantly. Then I tiptoed out and went to bed in my own room. Guilt washed over me because of Roland's kisses. I did not mind them as much when they were gentle, but Cedric's kisses, those made me feel alive, and breathless at the same time. And I wanted Cedric's arms around me, not Roland's.

"Baileywick will not be expecting us," Roland mused. "It will be good to shock the old man." I smiled at him. Baileywick did not like me and the feeling was mutual.

The carriage slowed and Roland peered out the window. "Here is the village." He sat back and squeezed my hand. It was not long before we were outside the inn. Roland climbed out, then helped me down. I took his arm and we walked inside.

The duke asked for two rooms but the innkeeper informed us that there was only one room left. I immediately tensed on his arm. "We do have a room with some other women. Perhaps they will share with the young lady."

"No, she'll stay with me."

"I can-"

"It will be fine, dear," he patted my hand.

I was beginning to panic. The innkeeper showed us to the room, and the coachmen began to bring our luggage. The room was small but clean and fresh smelling and had a window. I walked over to the window, to look out instead of at the bed. Once the luggage was settled and Roland and I were alone I turned to him. "I don't want to sleep in the same bed."

"Why?" He moved over to me by the window.

"I…uh…I'm…we aren't married."

He leaned in for a kiss and wrapped his arms around me.

I pulled away. "You said you wouldn't hurt me."

"Am I hurting you now?"

"No." He kissed me again, lightly, but longer. I felt like my body was beginning to betray me.

"I'll ask for a pallet, or I'll sleep on the floor." He kissed my forehead.

"I can sleep on the floor."

"You will take the bed. Now, come on, let's go see what they have for supper." His lips found mine again and I leaned in, immediately feeling guilty for doing so. We pulled away and went to the common room. Every table was at least partially occupied so we shared with a group of people who were laughing and shouting over each other.

Roland could share in their conversation easily but I could not. The town was having their annual fair, and most the people were performers or vendors, and many knew each other as they had met at other fairs, or had come to this one before. I watched and smiled or nodded when Roland would try to include me, however, I mainly listened.

Roland again got a bit lost in his drink, but as this inn had cider flowing, I too drank a bit much. I had to stop myself though, knowing that Roland was going to be a handful. There had been a boar hunt, so we dined on roasted meat, and the meal was better than anything I had had at the palace or since then. Finally, various people began to play music, and the musicians spilled out into the road where they were joined by others from the other inn and the residents. The street filled with people dancing and singing.

Pulled out the door by Roland, his hands found my hips and pulled me close, drawing me into a dance. The music was lively and the songs seemed to be fast and I found myself dancing with several people before I realized I could not see Roland through the crowd. There was not much time to think about it because I was pulled into someone else's arms to dance.

"Are you looking for someone?" he asked me. He was very good looking, but his smile was more like a leer.

"Yes, I was."

"Well, you've found me."

I laughed a little and he pulled me flush against him. "No," I said, pushing away.

"What's the problem?" He looked mad, and pulled me to him again.

"I don't want to be this close," I pushed away again but he held me tight.

"You are very pretty. Anyone ever tell you that?"

"I don't care what you think!" I was becoming scared, and he was pulling me away from the crowd, where it was darker. He did not say a word but I felt a wall at my back, and his lips and teeth on my neck. "Stop!" I was going to scream for help but his forearm pressed against my throat as he ripped my dress off my shoulder with his hands.

Then he screamed and fell to his knees. For a moment, I was paralyzed as I drew air into my lungs. I saw him, his hands over his eyes as he knelt screaming unintelligibly on the ground. Realization dawned on me, there was light in this previously darkened area, and it was coming from my amulet, which was now visible because of my torn dress.

Covering it with my hands, and taking some deep breaths to calm my nerves, I wondered what had happened to the man. Then again, I did not care, so I turned and ran, searching through the crowd for Roland. There were so many people, and it was still dim out there, I did not think I was going to find him.

Turning toward the inn, just wanting to be away from everyone and everything, I bumped into a couple in an embrace much more suited for a private room. "Watch it, kid!" The woman yelled at me, after pulling her face off the other person. It was Roland. Our eyes met and he smiled at me. "Sofia."

I gasped, glared at him and ran for the inn. There were still many people to dodge to get to the stairs, but soon I was in the room and locking the door behind me. Then I sat on the bed feeling numb. _Things will be better tomorrow. I'll be home._ I strangled a cry and then blurt out loud, "Who am I kidding? It's not my home and it will still be nearly a week before Cedric is there!" _And why would Cedric even want me anyway? I let Roland kiss me and hold my hand and now…_ My hand went to the tear in my dress. I began to shake as I realized I needed to change into my nightgown. Inspecting the dress, I saw that it could not be saved.

Looking in the mirror, I saw scrapes and bruises where that man had started to bite me. My amulet still glowed just a little, and when I put my hand upon it, my shaking stopped. Leaving the lamp burning, I crawled into bed, and waited for Roland to come knocking, but I soon fell asleep.


	22. Chapter 22

Roland did not return to the room that night. When I woke, I dressed quickly and waited for the coachmen to knock on the door to collect our luggage. I went with them outside, and then I asked if one of them would sit with me for breakfast. The older man went back into the inn with me, and I ate quickly.

Few people were up and moving around at this time, but I overheard some quiet conversations about the previous night and the goings-on of people. It chilled me to hear that one man had been found to be out of his head earlier, and they were trying to find anyone who knew him. I shivered.

"Are you well, Miss?"

"I'm fine. May I sit in the carriage and wait with you for his- Roland to arrive?"

"Of course."

"Thank you."

It was nearing noon when Roland stumbled from the inn across the street and toward the inn I had slept at. It was one of the coachman who caught Roland's attention and waved him toward the carriage. When he entered, I put my hand over my mouth and nose. He reeked of drink and perfume and sweat. He sat next to me, but I quickly moved to the other bench.

Roland did not say a word but lay down, and almost immediately began to snore.

* * *

The duke's castle finally came into view and I was more relieved than anything. Roland had to be roused and had a bad headache. The coachmen helped me out and I instructed where everything should go. Baileywick hurried out, quite stunned, and I asked him to make sure the coachmen were paid, had a place to sleep and food to eat. Then I left a hungover Roland in Baileywick's care.

On the way to my room I asked for a bath to be prepared, then I hurried to the nursery. Michael was sleeping when I crept in, but it looked like he had grown since I had been gone. I smoothed his fine hair and rubbed my finger against his cheek. He rooted, causing me to smile.

I left and returned to my room, happy that the bath was being prepared. After the bath, feeling so much better, I felt a little guilty for leaving Roland so suddenly. I went to Cedric's laboratory, looking for the potion he kept on hand. Finding it, I hurried to Roland's suite. Baileywick answered a moment after I knocked, and I ignored his glare.

"His Grace is busy," he tried to catch my arm as I slipped past him into the room.

"Who is it?" Roland moaned. He was sitting behind his desk, holding his head in his hands.

"I brought you this, your Grace." I handed the potion to him.

"What is it?" He took it, unstopped the phial, and smelled.

"It's Cedric's cure for...overindulgence."

Roland tossed it back and his coloring improved almost immediately. "Thank goodness. Is Cedric here?"

"No, your Grace." Baileywick moved to stand beside me. "He and Amber are probably on their way home now."

"That's right. Thank you, Sofia. I…I will speak with you later."

I curtsied and turned to go, ignoring the old man that was looking between us.

Servants brought supper to my room that evening, before I could go down to the dining room. They said that his Grace would not be having a formal supper, as he needed to catch up on work. It was a relief to hear that. Although I had wanted Roland to feel better, I also felt like I should have let him suffer for leaving me alone the night before, and, I shuddered, for what could have happened if my amulet had not protected me.

After supper, I found myself in the laboratory again. Behind the odor of the powders and substances Cedric used, there was a trace of his scent. It still was not enough. Quietly moving through the lab, I ended with my hand on the doorknob to Cedric's private room. It was locked, and that upset me more than I thought it would. I wanted nothing more than to smell his pillow, or his clothing.

Turning, I sighed and looked to see if there was anything I could do for him. Finally, I sat in his chair and sorted through his books, looking for an easy one to read. After a few minutes, I decided I was too restless to read, but I did not want to leave. I wanted Cedric to come home immediately.

Eventually, I made my way back to Michael's room. The nurse was there, and she left me alone with him, as if she could not wait to get away. Michael was sitting up on the floor, picking up wooden blocks and waving them around. His smile was adorable when I sat down and began to play with him. "I didn't know you could sit, Michael. You are growing so fast."

I stayed with him until the nurse returned, which was annoyingly late. I was still fatigued from the trip and wanted to go to bed myself. I decided that maybe it would not be a bad idea to talk to Roland about getting Michael new caregivers, but then I thought I might end up with the job, so maybe I should keep my mouth shut.

Finally, I lay in my own bed, and fell asleep almost immediately.

* * *

I spent the early morning sitting beside James's monument. I talked aloud to him some, but sat there and pondered everything quietly most of the time. I had brought flowers to both his and Mother's graves and noticed that no one had put anything there for a while. It was comforting to sit with James, even if I knew he was not there to tease me or discuss things.

The day was beautiful, the white puffy clouds floating in the sky helped block the strong sun. I did not want to stay inside the stuffy castle, so I went to the nursery and asked to take Michael for a stroll. I lay him in the pram and the nurse helped me get it down the stairs before she hurried away. As I walked through the gardens I let Michael make little baby noises and had to stop a few times to hide my face and then open my hands and say "Boo!" His giggle was contagious.

Finding a grassy spot among the flowers, I lifted my baby brother out of the pram and we sat in the grass for a bit. I showed him the different types of flowers and named them, and told him the colors. He grasped bits of grass in his fists and pulled. I pulled some too and threw the grass at him. He giggled some more, then made throwing motions toward me.

I heard voices and quieted, wondering if it was the gardeners, but then I distinctly heard Roland say, "I don't think he knows anything substantial, otherwise he would never have let me leave."

"There is still much he could do to you from a distance." _It's Baileywick._ I peered up over the top of a bush that partially hid Michael and me. He giggled again and I was afraid we would be found and accused of eavesdropping. _Or at least I would._

"He can do what he wants. There are enough of us that it would never last."

"I think, your Grace, that you are forgetting how many of _them_ are not happy with you as well."

"Because they know I'm right!"

"It's been nearly a hundred years. Some of them may not feel they need to pursue this avenue any longer. Everyone who was there is dead."

"Because the old king killed them. Or this king."

"Or old age," Baileywick's voice held the understanding of age. "How is the girl to be punished?"

"Sofia? For striking the prince?" Roland laughed boisterously. "She should be rewarded, not punished."

"The king will expect to hear of some punishment."

Their voices were becoming more distant, but I heard Roland say, "I've something in mind for her." Then I could not hear them.

I realized that I had forgotten Michael altogether and that my fists were clenching the skirt of my dress. _Punishment? After all I've gone through in the past week? The past year?_ I took a few deep breaths, peeked around to make sure Roland was gone, and then put Michael back in the pram. I carried him up the stairs to the nursery, leaving the pram at the bottom of the stairs, and then went to my room to wait for lunch, my thoughts wondering where I could run to, and how I could manage without money of my own.


	23. Chapter 23

A/N: Hi everyone. Sorry for the delay. We had some health issues in the family and I had to deal with those for a while. Enjoy!

* * *

Roland still had not approached me, including about a punishment, before Amber and Cedric returned. I could barely hide the excitement as I waited for the noise of the carriages coming to the castle. When they were finally in view, I nearly flew down the stairs to the front door, only to find Roland sending a servant for me.

He squeezed my shoulder with his hand and I thought I saw excitement in his eyes, but he hid it well. I could not keep the smile from my face when my eye's met Cedric's as he sat upon his horse. It took all I had not to run to him, or even wave. His smile was more guarded, but of course Roland was also looking in that direction.

When Amber's carriage stopped, Roland went forward to help her. She smiled at him coldly, but accepted his arm. I could not hear what they said to each other over the noise of the horses and other voices, but whatever it was, Roland's mirth disappeared and Amber's chin raised. As Roland led her to the front steps he told me to be in the dining room for supper.

I nodded and looked for Cedric. He was gone.

I hurried to the laboratory, knocking in case Cedric was there, but no one answered. Entering, I saw that the room was just as lonely as it had been for days, so I sat in the desk chair and waited. Voices echoed down the hall and realizing that Cedric was likely not bringing his luggage alone, I quickly dove under the desk and waited.

Two others had indeed carried a trunk for Cedric. "Thank you," Cedric told them and I heard the door shut. Now I felt like an idiot. Here I was, hiding, and what would I say when I came climbing out from under the desk. "Sofia?" My breath stopped. "You can come out, now."

My face flushed, I climbed to my feet. "How did you know I was in here?"

Cedric laughed. "I didn't, but I figured you either were, or you recently had been. I could smell you."

"You can smell me?"

"Yes. And that's a very good thing. Especially for a person who makes potions. Sometimes things are visibly similar, but the smell," he pointed to his nose, "lets me know what is correct."

I did not even listen to the last part of the sentence; I flew across the room, crushing myself into his chest. "Cedric," I said his name over and over as I buried my face into his neck.

"Sofia, what happened? Johnna and I received your messages, but Elliot and one of the servants said you were hurt."

"I have to get away from here, Cedric."

"Do you still have the amulet?"

I swallowed and pulled away to look up at him. "Yes, but, I…I don't know if…I'm not sure… Are you sure it works?"

"Do you have time to talk?"

"I have to be at supper tonight, but otherwise yes."

Cedric pushed me to sit in the desk chair, then pulled another over to sit next to me. "Let's start at the beginning."

I told him about the meeting with the king and the prince and that led to Roland and me leaving the palace. I was ashamed to say anything about Roland hitting me, but I figured Elliot had already told Cedric about the bruise on my face which was imperceptible now. At that point I could no longer look Cedric in the eye. I was ashamed of the kisses I had shared with Roland, though I did not tell Cedric about that, but I had to tell him about the stranger who accosted me in the street during the village fair, and what had potentially happened to him.

"So, you are saying that when this man hurt you, the amulet did something to him, but when Roland struck you, nothing happened?"

"I think so."

"Were you not afraid of Roland?"

"I…I think at that point I was more afraid of where we were than the duke himself. And I wasn't expecting him to hit me."

"Sofia, look at me."

I peeked at him cautiously. "I don't know why the amulet worked that way. I know the information I found was scant, but it appears I need to do more research. However, it saved you once so I want you to keep wearing it." I nodded in agreement. "Also, I heard from my family. We are working on a plan to get you away from here, and I'm making inquiries into other positions, so we can be together."

"Truly? Your family will help?"

"Of course. I knew they would, but with the duke involved, there are some extra precautions to take."

"I just remembered something." I told Cedric about overhearing Roland and Baileywick talking about punishment for me.

Cedric laughed. "Just another reason to remove you from this household."

"What kind of punishment do you think Roland would give me?"

Cedric shrugged. "Let's not worry about that right now." He stood and pulled me back into his arms. "Kiss me." I acquiesced and our lips met. "I haven't been able to stop thinking about you," his hands held my waist firmly.

"Cedric," I sighed into his neck. "No matter what happens, you are the only one I love."

"You sound defeatist, Sofia. We will be together. I promise it." His lips found the ticklish spot on my neck, and I stifled a loud laugh.

"It must be nearing supper." The shortness of my breath was apparent and Cedric continued to move his lips along my jaw. "I…I should go."

"Will you be here to assist me in the morning?"

"That is my plan." Our lips met again.

"Good."

We stood there a few more moments, with our arms around each other, breathing in each other's scent. "Can we just run away now?" I whispered.

"We can, but it would not be wise. But I promise it will be soon."

Pulling away from him was like leaving a warm bed when the coals in the fireplace had gone cold. "I love you." I hurried out the door before I changed my mind and stayed in his arms.

* * *

Roland and Amber were already seated when I arrived at the dining room. I dipped in a quick curtsy and hurried to the chair a servant was holding for me. The food was served immediately. While my plate was being filled, I looked at all the empty seats down the long table and thought back to the dining room in the palace.

"Amber has some news for us, Sofia." Roland smiled wanly.

"Oh?" I looked at her.

"Lord Ian proposed," Amber smiled coyly. "I accepted, of course."

I beamed. "Congratulations! I knew he liked you!" Amber's smile became more pleasant. "Does this mean you will be cancelling the other balls?"

"Absolutely not! In fact, we'll be throwing another, to officially announce our engagement."

"How soon?" In the back of my thoughts I was wondering when Cedric would be able to get me out of here.

"The end of the season. We will need to give everyone time to prepare."

"Will it be here, or at Ian's home?" Roland asked cautiously.

Amber raised her chin, but concentrated on cutting her veal. "We have not decided yet. Uncle offered to let us do it in the palace," I saw Roland's jaw tighten, "but Ian would rather do it in his home. I've been thinking of doing it here."

"But you'll be living with Ian." Roland pointed out.

"I would never have thought you would be one to pinch pennies when it came to your heir, your grace."

"Amber, you are not my heir."

It was as if daggers came from her eyes. Her next words were uttered with her lips barely moving. "Need I remind you that your duchy is in the land of my Uncle, the king, and that he has the final say in these things?"

My grip on the fork in front of me was fierce as my eyes went back and forth between Roland and Amber.

"Perhaps I need to remind you, _daughter_ , that this duchy was _given_ to our family by _thee_ royal family in perpetuity." It felt as if they were speaking of something else without saying it out loud and I was slightly confused.

"Nevertheless," Amber went on, "I am the eldest and only child that is not baseborn. When you and Ian's father are gone, we will unite the land and create one duchy. We have King Stephen's blessing."

"Michael will be duke after me."

"Oh, is he still alive?"

I gulped and Roland slammed his fist on the table, making both Amber and I jump. "Enough! You are still my daughter and under my roof. You will not disrespect me or your brother!"

Anywhere but this room was where I wanted to be, but then I saw Amber smile, and heard her murmer, "Yes, your grace."

My appetite was gone, but I picked at my food to make it look like I was eating.

"We have some news to share with you, as well," Roland carried on as if the previous conversation had never happened. Both Amber and I paused, looking at him curiously. "Sofia and I are to be married."

The fork fell from my hand, just as my lower jaw fell. Amber gasped, looking between us, but then she began to laugh. "Oh, you almost had me there. That is hilarious."

"I am not saying this to amuse you."

"You won't get me to believe it, don't bother," Amber laughed. "Look at Sofia. You could have at least clued her in to keep her face straight."

Roland reached over and took my hand but I pulled away immediately, which set Amber laughing even harder. "Amber, compose yourself. Sofia," he held his hand out still. I looked at it and back up to him. "Give me your hand."

"No." I barely breathed the word out, but when it came out the room was silent and my rejection was loud.

"Sofia."

"You aren't serious!" Amber stood. "You really think you can marry her? Your… your…daughter?"

"She is not my daughter, nor have I ever claimed to treat her as a step-daughter. We have grown fond of each other these past weeks-"

"You mean the rumours are true?" Amber shouted

"Sit down and stay quiet."

"May I be excused?" I felt faint, but neither of them heard me ask the question.

Amber turned on me. "You are a harlot! You've been sleeping with my father? Since when?" Roland tried to break in on her tirade about me being just like my mother, but it was to no avail.

"I won't have her around me. I should have stayed. I should have listened to my uncle!"

"Amber…" I hoped if she could listen to me, she would help me.

"You will not address me as your equal!"

"Amber-" said Roland and she turned on him.

"And you are disgusting! You…you…" she could not finish her words and she turned and stormed out of the dining room.

We were silent a moment, which was fine because I was still reeling inside.

"She will come to the idea soon." Roland went on eating. "And in time, when both you and she have children she will understand better."

"I don't understand."

He looked at me. "What don't you understand? You want to keep a roof over your head and I need a wife. Would you like me to get down on one knee?" I shook my head. "See? Your affections were enough to let me know." _My affections?_ "Your food is becoming cold. Finish eating." He stood, then bent over me and kissed me on the forehead. "I will speak with you later."

He walked out before I could ask when 'later' was. _Tonight?_ I needed to talk to Cedric now.


	24. Chapter 24

I spent the evening in my room, waiting in case Roland intended to speak with me, rather than running to find Cedric to tell him the latest development. Being found in the laboratory at night could have been difficult to explain, and Roland may have forbid me to continue working with Cedric. He would probably put a stop to my work anyway, if he was serious about marriage.

The nausea and worry kept me from sleeping very much. When sleep came, the dreams were full of Roland, not Cedric, and harsh words and death. I screamed once, sitting straight up, sweating profusely while my heart pounded and I clutched my sheets. There had been too much death in this castle. Both Roland's wives, James. A sense of foreboding fell upon me, but I could not tell what it meant.

Ready earlier than usual, I was in the laboratory before Cedric appeared from his room. We both glanced at each other cautiously.

"I see you slept as well as I did," he remarked.

Nodding, I turned to him. "Roland told Amber that we are to be married. That, Roland and I are to be married," I stuttered.

"I know." He saw my confusion. "The servants hear most things in this house."

I could not stop wringing my hands, until I pressed them against my stomach to quell the new wave of nausea.

"Do you want to marry him?"

"What?"

"You would be a duchess. You would not have to worry about a home or money or-"

"Do you want me to marry him?" I stifled a sob, terrified that Cedric would say yes.

"No."

"Then… help me." I sounded so pathetic. Cedric did not say anything, and neither did I. We stood there looking at each other, and even with him close I felt so alone. Shaking my head, I turned to go. "Never mind. I will-"

"Sofia," Cedric was at my side. "Ask Roland for Johnna to visit. When she is here, you'll leave. Johnna and I have it planned." He took my hands in his.

"But what if Roland wants to marry before Johnna can come? He didn't even ask me, he just stated it like… like he was going to go for a ride."

"He will hold off on the marriage if you make it clear that you must have Johnna in attendance."

I nodded. "But I want to leave now. Today."

"It will be safer when you can have an escort. Ask for Johnna to visit. Let me know when she will, and I will arrange your travels immediately."

"And until then? Must I act like I approve of this?"

"Unfortunately, I think that is the safest. If he knew of my feelings for you, I would be unemployed and you might be married before the sun sets."

I shivered and Cedric pulled me into his arms. "If I leave now, I won't be missed until later today."

"But how far will you get?"

I squeezed my eyes shut as my head lay on his chest. Cedric had no faith in my ability to survive, but did I?

"Besides," Cedric went on, "you would not be able to find a position anywhere near here. No one would hire anyone that the duke is searching for. And he has _friends_ in many places." Cedric's hand rubbed up and down my back. His voice became rougher. "I should get to work." He let go only a little. "You can help if you want."

I nodded and pulled back, wiping a stray tear that had escaped.

Cedric asked me to unload the trunk. Opening it, I was surprised. Across the top lay Cedric's dress fancy clothing, but underneath was books of all shapes and sizes, a few scrolls, and writing utensils. "And here I thought you packed like Amber," I mused. He heard me and laughed.

The trunk was just emptied and I was wiping my hands on an apron when there was a knock at the door. Cedric called for the person to enter, and a servant came in to let me know Roland had requested I meet him in his study.

Bidding Cedric goodbye, I trepiditiously made my way to the study. Baileywick was not there as usual so I let myself in after knocking. Roland sat behind his desk, his eyes scanning a document. Finally, he looked up and addressed me.

"Where were you, Sofia?"

"I was helping Cedric in the laboratory."

"Hmm." He glanced at the document again and set it down. "You needn't do that anymore."

"It's not a bother-"

"You will not continue. You have no need of employment." He stood and came over to me. "Do you have a riding habit?"

"No."

"Borrow one of Amber's and meet me at the stable in an hour. It is time to start your riding lessons."

"Will you be teaching me?"

Roland laughed. "No, but I want to make sure Kurt finds you a suitable horse for learning. I can't have my future wife in any danger." He turned us toward the door.

"May I invite Johnna for a visit?"

"Of course. It will be good for you to see her. Write to her and ask her to come at her leisure."

"Thank you, your- uh, Roland." Before he opened the door, he brushed my lips with his. "I'll meet you in an hour."

* * *

The first lesson was more about taking care of the horse than actual riding. A mare named Lissa was chosen for me. Her coloring was beautiful, sometimes grey, sometimes sable, with a braided mane and tail. Roland left me in Kurt's care, and he instructed me on brushing Lissa and feeding her and such. I had no idea that so much work went into riding, though I was sure that the stablemen would do most of the hard work.

After, I returned to the castle to wash for lunch. Baileywick found me and asked me to take the meal with Roland in his study, so I went. I thought Amber might join us but after a few minutes, I realized it would be Roland and me alone.

"You will not have to help Amber with the balls for the rest of the season, but you and I will be attending a few of them. I won't have you going to any without me."

"Is it because-"

"It is because I don't care for you to be alone," he said rather brusquely. We were quiet a moment.

"Michael has grown. Have you been to see him?" I hoped Roland had stopped in to see his son.

"No. There's no reason for me to see him now. He's healthy?" On this subject it seemed Roland cared.

"Yes, I think so. He's trying to talk, and he can sit up on his own now and scoots around on his hands and his knees."

Roland smiled and I realized I was smiling. "You will make a good mother."

"I can't be his mother." My smile disappeared.

"But you will be a good mother to our children, and a good stand-in for Michael." Roland stood, walked over to my chair and pulled me up out of it. His lips met my forehead, then his cheek slid along mine. "I can't wait to marry you, Sofia." I felt his hands on my waist, moving upward.

"Roland," I pushed away.

"I need you." His lips were on mine, almost devouring me. One arm snaked around my back while his other hand found my breast.

"Roland," I said more earnestly, though not entirely hating the physical feelings he was invoking.

"Say it, Sofia."

"I need time, Roland."

He paused but continued. "That's not what you were supposed to say," he whispered as his lips nipped at my earlobe.

"What was I to say?" my breath caught.

"That you want me too." A moan escaped me as he began to suck on my neck just below the ear.

He pushed me so my behind was against the edge of the desk. I felt my skirt being lifted and that brought me to my senses. "No." I pushed against him, hard. "No, Roland, I need… I need time."

He scowled down at me. "Time for what?"

"Time to…" I could not think fast enough, "time to get used to this idea and I mean, you… I am still young. Don't I even get a say?"

Roland laughed and took my face in his hands before kissing me again. I thought I would have to stall him again but he stepped away. "I apologize, Sofia. You are so mature and level-headed; I forget that you are young. And it's true, I'm used to getting my way without having to woo a lady. You deserve to be courted." He kissed me again. "But I will not court you long, my dear. And the way you kiss me, I don't think I will need to." Our lips met again, gently. "Shall we finish our meal?"

"I don't think I can eat." I was still trying to catch my breath.

His grin was devilish until we were interrupted by a knock on the door. "Enter."

I flushed. He still had me pinned against the desk, in a vulnerable and compromising position. Baileywick opened the door and strode in with envelopes in hand. If he had any opinion on what he saw, his face showed nothing, but when Roland moved to take the post and I was free, I saw the glare Baileywick sent me. Smoothing my skirt, I moved to leave.

"I did not excuse you, Sofia." Roland had not even looked up, but was on the other side of the desk, breaking wax seals.

I stood in place, and tried to look anywhere but at the two men in the room.

"Lord Ian will be here tomorrow." Roland dropped that note on the desk and lifted another, which took longer to read. "Send a note back to Blackthorn. Tell him I agree." He dropped that letter also, and looked up. "Sofia will be sending a letter to Lady Johnna, inviting her to stay at her leisure."

"She may give the letter to me when it is ready and I will post it, your Grace."

"Thank you, Baileywick."

"Shall I send for the servants to clear the dishes?"

"Yes. Also, step in here for a moment." Roland led Baileywick into the adjoining room. I heard their voices and took the time alone to look around the room I had rarely been in. There were portraits and landscapes on the walls, as well as a large mirror. My fingers trailed across the edge of the desk, as I walked around, and then my eyes landed on the second letter Roland had been reading.

The script was not as fine as Johnna's but small and tight. _It is time we moved. The discontent will not increase further. Others are waiting upon our decision._ The door opened and Roland and Baileywick reappeared. I studied the portrait behind Roland's desk. "Keep me apprised," Roland said, and Baileywick bowed before showing himself out the door.

"Is this your father?" I asked, not truly caring.

"Yes." His arms encircled me from behind. I knew I should ask something about the portrait, but I was wondering what the lines I read from the letter meant. Roland rested his chin upon my head. "I suppose I should let you go so you can invite Johnna to come see us."

"Yes." I wanted to close my eyes and pretend it was Cedric's arms around me, but Roland felt different, and smelled different.

Roland released me, walked me to the door and reminded me to be at supper that night. I nodded and quickly went to my room. The first thing I did was wash my face; I was still flushed, and then I sat for a few moments, fighting the rising guilt because Roland's kisses and caresses felt good, better than they should have, but the man I loved was elsewhere in the castle. _How could he ever forgive me?_ I hated myself.


	25. Chapter 25

I wrote one letter to Johnna, just to choose the words I wanted to say. Then, I wrote several letters to Johnna, trying to perfect my penmanship so it did not look like I had zero formal training. Still, when I compared my perfected letter to the notes Johnna sent me, I wondered if she would be able to read what I wrote at all. I grumbled, then carefully folded the parchment into an envelope for Baileywick to seal. I figured both he and Roland would read it, which was fine. The letter contained nothing more than my wish to have her visit and asking for her response.

Finding Baileywick was an adventure which left me wandering the castle fruitlessly. In the end, I decided he would be near at suppertime, whence I would give him the envelope.

I took Michael for a stroll in the garden, hoping I might catch Cedric there, but he was probably working on his backlog in the lab. The day was nice and I did not want to go back inside, so I lifted Michael from the pram and carried him to Mother's grave. There was not much to speak of, but I told Michael that our mother's body was there, and what she looked like, and how excited she was when Roland asked her to marry him.

Then Michael and I sat next to James's grave. Michael waved the old flowers around like a wand and I played with him a while, hiding my face and then moving my hands to surprise him. I was quickly tired of the game, but it seemed Michael could play it for hours. His smile and giggle was infectious.

Eventually, he began to fuss and I was not sure if he was hungry or tired so with him on my hip we headed back to the castle.

The pram was not where I had left it.

I rolled my eyes, already tired of carrying my brother who seemed to grow daily. Taking the shortest route through the gardens, I ran into several guards who immediately surrounded us. One of them said something about taking us to the duke.

Within moments, Roland, Amber, and several servants and more guards were meeting us in front of the castle doors. "Sofia! Where have you been?" Roland demanded. Michael's nurse peeled him from my arms in a rough way and Michael began to shriek.

"We went for a stroll."

"No one knew where either of you were." Roland was angry.

"I told the nurse."

"What did you do to Michael to make him cry so?" Amber asked innocently.

"I did nothing! He did not want to go to the nurse. We merely went for a walk."

Roland dismissed the guards and rounded on me. "The nurse said you were gone a long time and when she went to look for you, she found the pram, _empty_."

He towered over me but I could not back down. "I took him to see our mother, and James."

"You did what?" His words were clipped and Amber laughed behind him.

"The pram doesn't work in the grass, so I left it on the garden path, and then we walked to the cemetery."

"No more." Roland took my arm a bit roughly and we moved toward Amber, Baileywick and the entrance. "I forbid you to go to the cemetery."

"But why?"

"Quiet!"

Biting my tongue to not say something that would get me in more trouble, I waited until we were in a private sitting room. "You cannot forbid me from visiting my mother's or James's grave."

"Sofia, do not argue with me. It is not safe outside these castle walls."

"For you?"

"For _you._ "

"Because of the king? Because he wants to punish me?"

"What?" Roland asked.

"It is true, Father. Uncle would like her to be punished for her crimes." We turned to see that Amber had snuck inside. "However, Uncle is sure you will not punish your lover. But now… with my baby brother's life in her hands, maybe you will see the situation more clearly?"

"I would _never_ hurt Michael!"

"James died." Amber shrugged at the implication.

I gasped. "How could you-"

"Enough!" Roland roared. "Amber, you will go to your room until supper." He waited until she slipped out the door before he turned back to me.

"Yes, Sofia, you made a mistake when you attacked the prince. Yes, the king wishes he had punished you more thoroughly. And yes, the king does not care for me, so both I and my lands could be under attack at any moment, and that includes anyone I shelter. The cemetery is too far. You will not go there again."

Tears sprang from my eyes. "But-"

"Do not disobey me, Sofia. And you are not to take your brother outside the castle walls again. It would be bad enough to lose one of you, but both of you?"

"Roland-"

"Do not test me, Sofia." He moved to leave but before exiting said, "you too may spend the rest of the afternoon in your room until supper." Then he was gone and I was trying to get my anger and tears under control before passing through the halls to my room.

* * *

Supper had been much quieter that evening. Amber was excited that Ian would be joining us the next day, and I had nothing to say to either her or Roland. I had given my letter for Johnna to Baileywick who immediately gave it to Roland who read it and handed it back to the servant, approving. Amber pouted because she knew Jane would not be able to come. Jane had accepted a proposal also and was in the throes of planning her own wedding.

Breakfast the next day was easier to endure as Amber was still in her room and Roland read through some papers at the table. I was used to being ignored; it was a familiar comfort.

I had already dressed for my riding lesson and was a few minutes early to help Kurt with Lissa. She seemed to be responding well to me as I pet her nose. Kurt and Lissa worked with me for a couple hours before we were all exhausted, and I excused myself to the castle after brushing her down.

It was after lunch that Lord Ian arrived. There was a row in the halls, forcing me to peak my head out and I saw servants with luggage and guards. With all the fuss, and nowhere I needed to be for hours, I sneaked away to the laboratory.

Cedric was reading and taking notes while glass jars with varying colored liquids cooked. He did not notice me until I stepped next to his desk, and then he jumped, startled, and we both laughed. Scooting his chair back he pulled me down onto his lap.

"You are late for work today," he teased. "I'll reprimand you this one time, but the next occurrence will have stiffer penalties." Suddenly his face burned red.

Sliding my arm around the back of his neck, I whispered, "I'm not afraid of the penalties." Then seriously I told him Roland said I was not to work in the lab anymore. "A duchess does not work."

"He is right," Cedric agreed though I could see he thought it distasteful.

"I've written to Johnna. And Lord Ian is here now. There was so much luggage it looks like he's moving in for a while."

Cedric shrugged.

"Am I interrupting?"

"No. I was doing some research on amulets similar to yours, trying to see if I can find a pattern for how they work. Just to make sure this one," he put his hand on my chest, above my clothing, but farther down as the amulet could not be seen, "is working correctly."

Cedric began to move his hand away but I stopped him. My mouth was suddenly dry as we looked at each other. _How could I tell him that if Roland was taking liberties with me, touching me, holding me, kissing me, that Cedric, the man I actually loved could not?_

"Sofia," he said softly. "It's.." I waited for him to find the words and his hand slipped away. "I can't do that to you." He pushed me off his lap and stood up, walking away.

"Do what?"

Cedric spun around. "Do what _he_ does! I won't paw at you like you're some…loose woman. You are more than that!"

"But you tell me to play along? Let him do that?"

"I hate it!"

"Then tell me where to run, which way to go!"

"It's not safe!"

Throwing my hands up in the air I seethed at him. "You say it's not safe for me to be out there, on my own, but what about here? When Roland is holding me, and kissing me and telling me he wants me? You think that is safe?" Cedric's scowl became more pronounced. "He talks about the children we'll have and-"

"Enough!" Cedric shouted at me. His voice was jarring, but not as much as his piercing eyes. I wanted to run out the door but he was in the way.

Then at the same time, we apologized, our eyes not able to meet anymore.

"I should go." Walking around a table I thought I might get to the door without Cedric stopping me but I was wrong.

"Don't fall in love with him, please, Sofia." He lifted my chin so we could see each other's eyes again. "We just need more time. We have a plan."

"But the plan is dependent on so many factors, which could go wrong at any time."

"I'm sure Johnna will come as soon as she can. A couple months at the longest."

"What if-" I sighed. "I should go." He let me walk past him.

"I love you, Sofia."

Pausing, I turned around and stared at him. He was Cedric, the first man I had ever admired, still handsome in a unique way, but I felt troubled. _Do I still love him?_ We had argued and I did not feel as if he understood what I was going through. _And if he loved me, would he not do everything possible to be with me?_

"Sofia?"

I swallowed. "I love you too, Cedric." That seemed to calm the fear in his eyes though not my stomach. "I just need time to think." With that I hurried out the door, nearly slamming it, and rushed back to my room.


	26. Chapter 26

The next week seemed to last forever. I did not go back to Cedric, and he did not seek me. Ian had settled in and unlike before, he was cold toward me, but I noticed he still treated Roland with deference. His parents, the Duke and Duchess of Kerth, Clain and Merrin, arrived three days after Ian, to discuss the wedding and the future. Roland enjoyed being the host, and required me to join the duchess and Amber in their activities. I was ignored by the ladies, but I learned a lot by keeping my ears open.

I gathered that there had been a split in the kingdom many years ago, as Amber's grandfather, King Stephen's father, had been part of a coup in which the old king's family had been murdered. Amber, through Roland, apparently was distantly related to the deposed king as well as the current king. I thought it through and decided that she would be a good match politically, and wondered how it was that Ian was the man who won her hand. Then I got the impression his family had accepted the new royal family, but secretly joined others, like Roland, who wanted to see someone from the old royal family on the throne.

I thought perhaps Amber was the one everyone wanted to be queen but then she and the duchess began to speak of a _cousin_ who was everyone's best hope. My thoughts drifted back to the letter I had read on Roland's desk and my stomach began to ache. _Is this why Roland said we are in danger? Is this why Cedric says it is too dangerous for me to leave by myself?_ I sighed.

"I fear we are boring my future step-mother," Amber laughed. The duchess scoffed and it was my turn to ignore them for the split second they did pay attention to me.

Ten days after my invitation was sent to Johnna, I received her reply. Her handwriting was precise, her script beautiful, and I was jealous. However, she said she would arrive within the month, and I was glad. A smile on my face, I ran to find Roland, who shared in my excitement. Then, more somber because it had been more than a week since I had seen him, I went to share the news with Cedric.

The sorcerer was greatly relieved and said he would begin to make sure details would be ready for Johnna's arrival. It was awkward between us now and I had no idea how to fix it. There was a short rap at the door and then it opened, Ian stepping inside.

"Lord Ian," Cedric smiled. "How may I help you."

"I'm not interrupting?" Ian looked between us. Cedric and I were a good distance apart so there was nothing to be embarrassed about, but I felt myself blush anyway.

"Not at all," Cedric grimaced at the same time I waved the letter from Johnna in the air and mumbled something about just leaving. I slipped through the door and read the letter again as I went to my room, trying to forget how much my chest hurt at seeing Cedric, and not having his arms around me.

* * *

The Duke and Duchess left a couple days later, which freed me from having to be with Amber. I stopped in to play with Michael each day, returned to my riding lessons, and sometimes had a private meal with Roland, when he was available and requested it. I finally found the courage over lunch to ask him about what I had overheard from Amber and Duchess Merrin.

Roland frowned. "They should not have been speaking so openly. I apologize, Sofia, but the less you know right now, the better."

"Is that why you said it is too dangerous for me to go to the cemetery?"

"Yes."

"Could I go if I take some guards?"

"No." He filled his mouth with food.

"Could you take me?"

He chewed and swallowed. "Should I be concerned that you are so infatuated with the dead, Sofia?"

I gasped. "It's my mother and my best friend! They weren't just…some people I barely knew."

"I'll have Baileywick see to fresh flowers being laid on the graves. You are not allowed to go there."

I could not help but pout and Roland laughed. He lay his napkin by his plate and held out his hand to help me up from the chair. "Come with me." I took his arm and we left his study, going through to the adjoining room I had never been in before. It was a sitting room which then led to Roland's bedroom.

My stomach flipflopped wondering why he had brought me here, but also marveling at the ornate furniture. The bed was immense, nearly the size of a house Mother and I lived in with another family when I was little. A copper tub peaked out from behind a partition on a tile floor in one corner. There were shelves filled with books and crowns and swords.

I was about to say, "This is your room?" when Roland's tongue was in my mouth and he was pushing me toward his bed. My immediate reaction was to push away from him but then I relaxed, thinking he would not hurt me. Then Roland's hand went to my neck and he forced me down on the bed. I grabbed his wrist and tried to loosen his grip, but he held my neck tight.

"You will not question my rules again, Sofia," his teeth traveled across my jaw, "but damn if your belligerent pouting doesn't make me lose my control." It was then that I realized his other hand had lifted my skirt and he was pressing himself against me.

"Roland," I managed to choke. He did not release my neck.

"Shut up." He unbuttoned his pants and then began to untie my smallclothes.

It was getting hard to breathe and with one hand I fumbled at slowing him from undressing me. "Please!" The word that came from me did not even sound like a word and my vision was becoming gray at the edges. My heart beat faster as I realized I was going to be strangled to death, and the duke would never know in time. I reached out to pull his hair while his free hand ripped open the bodice of my gown, his lips going toward my breasts.

A scream shattered the room and I thought it was mine but after a few moments, I realized it was not. I sucked air in, painfully. It was like my lungs would not work. Slipping off the bed to the floor, I lay there, listening to screams of pain, while I tried to breathe. Soon there were other voices, yelling, and I felt myself lifted and carried to my room.

After a while, a physician came to look at me. By then, I was breathing, and though I shook badly, I managed to get myself into a nightgown and robe. The physician looked at my neck and when he asked to look elsewhere I protested and said it was only my neck that hurt. His eyes narrowed and he told the servant that the sorcerer would know what to give me to calm my nerves.

When he was gone, I asked the servant if she knew what had happened to Duke Roland. "His face was badly burned, my lady. Whomever attacked you and the duke…they have not been caught." She turned to look away from me. I had no recollection of anyone else being in the room with Roland and me, but then it dawned on me. We had been found in his room, with his pants open, and my dress up and ripped. My hands covered my face in shame.

"I'll see Cedric, my lady, to get you…something for your nerves." She hurried out.

I wanted to stop her. I did not want Cedric to know anything about this, but it was likely too late. He seemed to know everything that happened in the castle. _Oh, Cedric,_ I cried. _Forgive me._

* * *

Roland came to my room minutes before Cedric. He demanded to know what I had done to him. I swallowed and shook my head. His face was burned, badly, the top layer of skin already blistered and peeling. "How is it that I look like this and there is nothing wrong with you?"

"My neck is bruised," I said quietly, still shaking.

The door opened after a short rap, and Cedric entered the fray. "Oh, your neck! Look at me! We were supposed to attend a ball this week-end and now I will have to cancel. Do you understand what this means?"

"I may have something that can help, your Grace," Cedric offered, ignoring me.

Roland looked at him. "Do you?"

"Is it painful?"

"Of course, it is painful! It's a burn! Do you think you can tell me how this happened? How she injured me?"

I folded my arms across my stomach, nauseous.

"If you could tell me the circumstances…" Cedric began.

"The circumstances do not matter. What did you teach her? Is there some powder she could have procured that would do this?"

"There are powders that can do such a thing but not in my laboratory. And I did not teach Lady Sofia magic."

Roland turned back to me. "I ought to throw you in the dungeon until everyone forgets you exist! Attend to me, Cedric."

From the corner of my eye I saw Cedric gaze my way before following Roland out the door. I refused to look at either of them. At the moment, the dungeon sounded inviting. No one to bother me. No way to get into trouble. They could all forget me just as I would forget them. Tears leaked from my eyes.

Rubbing the soreness of my neck, and swallowing through pain in my throat, I sat in a chair next to the window. I could not wait for Johnna to arrive; I had to leave as soon as possible, and I would not inform even Cedric.

* * *

Hours later, as I lay in bed, in horrendous pain, Cedric finally came back. He looked at my neck, his hands feeling cool on my burning skin. "I know it was the amulet, Sofia. What happened?"

"It hurts," I whispered. He nodded and gave me a liquid to drink before rubbing a salve on my skin. The drink brought immediate relief, but also an overwhelming fatigue. He waited a few minutes and I began to drift.

"Sofia," he woke me. "Tell me what happened."

"He was…" I sighed, finally feeling greater relief from the pain. "It was nothing."

"Don't lie to me."

I looked at him hard from my pillow. "I'm very tired."

Brushing my hair back from my face, Cedric came closer. "Everything is set."

"For what?"

"For us to leave."

"I didn't think you were leaving."

"Not at the same time as you, but I will shortly after."

I looked away. "All right."

"Sofia, trust me, ok? Please don't do anything rash."

I wanted him to leave, but I also did not want him to go. One hand cupped my cheek, his other was holding my hand. "Could you lock the door and stay with me for a while?" I whispered.

He nodded, rose and locked my door, then returned to the bed.

"Lay down?" I moved over to make room. Cedric hesitated, but then acquiesced, sliding under the blanket next to me.

We reclined awkwardly, but then I moved his arm so it was around me and I lay my head on his chest, one arm caught between us, and the other on his stomach. I felt him swallow. "If we are caught-"

"I don't care."

He was silent for a few minutes and I could hear his heart beating rapidly. "I do care. He's already threatened to throw you in the dungeon and if I lose my job I can't provide for you even the plan moves forward."

I pushed up from his chest and glared down at him. "I never realized what a coward you were, Cedric. I want you to leave."

He sat up as well. "A coward?"

"Now!"

"You think I'm a coward?"

"Yes, I do. Leave."

"Why? Why do you think I am a coward?"

"Look at me!" My throat was still painful, especially the harsher my voice was but I did not stop. "I could have died! But you want me to keep playing along. I may not be alive long enough for the plan. And all you are worried about is your job. And you have magic! Can't you even use magic for something productive?" He eyes were strained but angry.

Moving to face me directly on the bed he retorted, "You refused to tell me what happened. And as for my job, I don't care about my job. I thought if we waited, I would be able to find something in the future to take care of you. Roland would make it nearly impossible for me to find work elsewhere. And as to using magic, Roland limited the legal use of magic here years ago, and I, admittedly, have become used to doing more research and less actual magic. I'm sorry, Sofia. The past weeks have been torture for me. I love you. I don't want him near you, especially now." He reached out for me again and I pulled away. "I will figure something out, immediately." He ran his hand down my arm and I jerked away from his reach.

Before I knew it, he pushed me back on the bed, his lips crashing onto mine. I was still mad at him, but he tasted so good. I had missed him. He was nothing like Roland. His torso was pressed against mine and I heard him groan slightly. He pulled away and I whimpered. "Do you still love me, Sofia?" His eyes were pleading.

"Yes, Cedric. I love you so much it hurts, but I can't do this anymore. I just can't."

"I won't ask it of you. I have an idea."

"What will you do?"

"If I tell you, you won't be surprised." He kissed me again, then lay next to me.

"Cedric?"

"Mmmm?" His eyes were closed, and his arm was around me.

"I don't want Roland to be my first."

The sorcerer's eyes flew open. "You think he would? You aren't married."

"He tried today." I saw the anger flare in Cedric's eyes as he fought within himself. "Will you…make love to me?"

"Yes, but not tonight."

"Why?" Now I was mad again and thinking again the Cedric was a coward.

"You are injured, and I want it to be special for you. Besides, that will be the last thing the duke thinks of when I… when I…. do some work tomorrow." He saw my brow crinkle and laughed. "I told you that I couldn't tell you what I'm going to do."

His arms pulled me tight and he became my pillow again. "Sleep, Sofia. I'll hold you." It only took a few minutes for slip into dreams in Cedric's arms.


	27. Chapter 27

When I woke, Cedric was gone. It was still early morning, so I assumed he had snuck out before most of the household was awake. My throat was painful again, but I saw that my sorcerer had left another bottle of the pain reliever on my bedside table. I downed the few sips before remembering how tired it had made me the night before, and soon, I was asleep again.

It was Roland who woke me. He sat next to me on the bed, and startled me because for a moment, I had forgotten that Cedric had already left.

"Sofia," he said, moving my hand to his lips. "I'm so sorry for yelling at you. I was in so much pain and had not realized what happened. Forgive me, my love."

 _What can I say?_ "There's nothing to forgive," I whispered.

He smiled and lay down where Cedric had been just a few hours earlier, his other hand cradling my face and turning it to look at him. "Cedric surmised the sun was coming through the bedroom window at just the right time to hit an imperfection in the glass, causing the burn on my face. That is why you were not burned as well. Cedric pointed out the place in the glass. I have glaziers fixing the pane now, and checking other windows." I gave the duke a small smile.

"I'm sorry you were hurt." I waited for him to apologize for what he did to me, but instead he said, "Oh Sofia, I'm sorry I'm in such a hurry to bed you. You have no idea how badly I want you." His lips lowered to mine. _It is kind of an apology._ "I should not even be here now, you are so tempting." His lips ran down to my neck and I cringed. The salve Cedric had used was no longer working.

"What is this?" Roland pulled the top of my nightgown away a little. "You are bruised."

"I know."

"Make sure you cover that with something. I won't have people seeing you with bruises on your neck."

I nodded and his hand moved to my breast, causing a pleasurable moan to escape my lips unconsciously. "I should go," he breathed before kissing me and while trailing his finger around my nipple, though it was above my gown. "Oh Sofia," his tongue entered my mouth and he squeezed my breast. My heart was racing.

"Roland," I panted when his mouth left mine for a minute.

He growled. "Say my name again." He slipped my gown off one shoulder to kiss and nibble on it while his hand kneaded my chest and squeezed my nipple.

"Your," I gasped, "your grace."

"Say my _name_."

"Roland!" I tried to push away, afraid this would not end, but not really wanting to end it, so I did not push hard. "Roland, I want to wait for us to be married."

He growled again and pulled away. "I want you, Sofia. I don't know how long I can wait."

"Johnna will be here soon. Then she can help me prepare."

He growled again and rose from my bed. "I will see you later. Don't forget to cover your neck."

"I won't." I watched him leave, then felt my own breasts. They were swollen, both nipples hard, and the feeling down below kept my heart from slowing. I felt frustrated and I was not sure why. My heart still racing, I ventured a hand down to my private areas and found that I was sopping wet. As my fingers traced over a certain area, I felt a jolt that was extremely pleasurable, but totally foreign to me. Forcing myself from the bed, I called for a bath and waited, trying to calm myself.

* * *

The nurse trusted me, a little, with Michael again and she let me take him to the small courtyard inside the castle, where both he and I could be in the sunshine. We played with a couple of his toys, and he still laughed when I covered my face and then surprised him by still being there. I lay a blanket on the stones and I watched him as he crawled a little, then collapsed on his stomach. The nurse said Michael had been doing this and would be walking soon.

Cheering him on made him smile and when he got to one edge of the blanket, I turned him around so he could crawl back. This tired him though, and he held out his arms so I picked him up and he lay his head on my shoulder as I walked back and forth, humming and singing softly.

Ian's arrival startled me, but Michael did not stir, his breathing even and one fist holding the top of my dress. "Good morning, Lord Ian," I said shyly, expecting him to leave.

"I'm not sure how to address you," Ian cocked his head. "Are you going to be my mother-in-law, or my sister-in-law, or both?"

Rolling my eyes, I looked at him hard. "I will settle for friend or acquaintance. Roland is _not_ my husband and Amber is _not_ my sister."

"But Michael is your brother, and you will be Roland's wife. What will that make you to the baby?"

"Please, Lord Ian. I don't want to talk about this."

"That is fine. Maybe we can talk about you and Cedric."

My mouth fell open. "What do you mean?"

"Come on now, Sofia. A man would have to be blind to not see how you and Cedric looked at each other dancing at the palace. And then I saw you in the laboratory."

"Neither of which means anything." I interjected.

"And early this morning, I saw him leave your room."

I gasped, then knew I had made a mistake. "What… what are you getting at? He was treating my injuries."

"You were injured? You were also burned? And it required Cedric to be in your room until almost dawn?"

My stomach churned. "Just say what you came to say, Ian. I'm not in the mood for games."

Ian smiled. "Nor am I. Let's have a seat." He waved me over to a bench. I sat carefully so as not to wake Michael and was glad there was some shade. Ian sat next to us.

"Roland would be very unhappy to know about you and the sorcerer, wouldn't he?"

"There is nothing to know."

"Sofia, I thought you did not want to play games," he chastised, smiling down at me. "Now, it would be terrible for you, and for Cedric, if Roland found out you two had mutual feelings, so I need you to do something for me."

"Like what?" I whispered, fear creeping into my thoughts.

"You have lunch in Ian's private study, correct?"

"Only when Roland invites me. I can't just walk in there."

"There are communications in his office that I need."

"Communications?"

"Don't be daft, Sofia. You are smarter than others give you credit for. Roland has been in communication with other duchies. I need the letters, all that you can get. I just want to read through them, and then I'll have you replace them."

"Why can't you do this?"

"I am never in his study without him, but he loves you, you could be in there more."

I swallowed. The pain was coming back. "I've only been in there once without him."

"Then be creative. Say you forgot something. Like your scarf." Before I could stop him, he pulled the scarf from around my neck. "Oh." His eyes became a little bigger as I tried to grab the scarf back from him without jostling the baby. "So, you and Cedric are into that?"

"What? No!" I did not really know what he meant but Ian gave me the scarf and with one hand I did my best wrapping it around me again with one hand.

"Roland did that to you?"

"I…I am clumsy and I fell."

"Right." Ian studied me. "You don't even want to marry Roland, do you?"

"No." I looked away to try and hide my tears.

"Then why are you still here?"

"I don't know."

We were quiet for a moment, then Ian went on. "Well, then I guess you'll be retrieving those communications so that I don't tell Roland about you and Cedric, and to protect your little brother."

I looked back at him, my eyes still blurry with wetness. "What do you mean?"

"Right now, I've been the only one stopping Amber from…taking care of your brother. Perhaps if you do as I ask, I won't tell anyone about you and Cedric, and Michael will be safe for a while."

"Amber wants to kill Michael?"

"Oh, I doubt she'd do it herself, but she is quite stubborn." He reached over to stroke Michael's baby-fine hair. "She's not the only one who sees Michael as a roadblock."

Jerking Michael away and standing abruptly woke him and he began to cry. "Do not touch him!" I yelled at Ian, my throat in searing pain again. "Do not come near him again. If anything happens to him I will…" my thoughts raced with what I could do.

Ian stood too, towering over me. "What will you do, Sofia? Tell me what you are going to do?"

I swallowed through the pain. "If you promise to make sure no one hurts him, ever, I will get you what you want."

Ian laughed. "That's not how it goes, Sofia. You will get what I want, and Michael will be ok for a little longer. I can't promise forever. It would be a horrible thing for Roland to think you hurt Michael, because you wanted _your_ children with Roland to come first."

"You are evil."

He laughed again. "Possibly. Do we have an agreement?"

 _What else can I do?_ I could not protect Michael all the time, and I was sure Ian's word would weigh more heavily against mine if he told Roland about Cedric. And if that came out, I definitely could not protect Michael. _And what if Michael was murdered and they made it look like I did it?_ I wished the amulet could protect against this type of fear, but it did nothing. Michael's crying quieted. And if I ran, I would now have to take Michael. An adjustment to the plan began to form in my head.

"Sofia?"

"I don't have a choice, do I?'

"Of course, you do! Say no right now, and I'll walk out of here and do exactly what I told you I would do. Say yes, and I will protect your secret, and Michael, for a bit."

"Fine. Yes. I will get you what you want."

"Good choice. Oh, and don't mention anything to Amber. She's leaving this to me. She's preoccupied with other plans." I nodded. "It has been good to speak with you, Sofia. We will speak again soon."

"How do I let you know when I have the _communications_."

"You won't have to. I'll be watching you."

I huffed. "You don't need to watch me."

He laughed again. "What I don't understand is how neither of the two men who are in love you haven't been watching you better themselves. Tsk tsk." He continued to laugh as he walked out of the courtyard and back into the castle.

I sighed and comforted Michael wishing someone could comfort me.


	28. Chapter 28

A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews. It really does mean a lot. And if something isn't clear, please let me know. This really is a first draft, so I'm sure there are mistakes here and there, for which I do apologize. I don't usually just write and post things as I go, but this has been kind of fun.

* * *

I sent a servant to get me some more pain reliever from Cedric, because if Ian was watching, I did not want him to think I had immediately gone to the sorcerer. The servant returned with a smaller phial of the liquid and a message from Cedric that the potion was very addictive, so he would not give me as much as before. I frowned, angered by the message. He had no idea how badly my throat hurt. But I took the potion and lay down to nap.

A servant woke me in time to dress for supper. With the scarf carefully wrapped around my neck, I made my way downstairs to face Roland, Amber and Ian. Most of the meal was spent with Amber going over details of her wedding plans with her father and fiancé. Roland mainly nodded, unless there was something he thought would be a waste of money. Ian threw out names of people he wanted to invite.

"Have you decided where to have the wedding?" I asked during a quiet moment.

"Do not worry, _Mother_ ," Amber sneered. "Ian has persuaded me to have it in Kerth."

"Amber," Roland warned, and his daughter returned a searing look.

Ian laughed. Amber huffed and went back to her wedding details. Roland squeezed my hand, then let me go. Supper could not end soon enough.

Eventually, Amber and Ian excused themselves, leaving Roland and I alone. "Your grace?" Roland sighed and I corrected myself. "Roland?"

He smiled. "Yes, dear?"

"I…I was wondering if I might… Well, sometimes I get lonely and I was wondering if I might be able to bring a book to your study tomorrow and read while you work?" He frowned. "I promise I would not be in the way. And I'll be quiet."

"I sometimes get visitors throughout the day." I could see him mull it over while my gut churned. "I suppose. But if I ask you to leave, you must do as I say, no questions asked."

"Of course."

"What book are you reading?"

I was not ready for that question. "Nothing at the moment. I was going to look in the library. I used to read with James and have not really done so since-"

"I'll see you after your riding lesson tomorrow then," he cut off my dialogue. I was sure it was because I had mentioned James.

"Thank you, Roland." I reached out and touched his hand. "May I be excused?"

He stood and pulled my chair out for me, then pulled me into his arms. "I might just come spend the night with you, Sofia." He must have felt me stiffen because then his lips were below my ear. "I'll wait. I don't know how, but I'll wait."

* * *

Realization dawned upon me as I sought a book to read the next day that if I was successful with my ploy, especially on the first day, I would have to keep this up, or Roland might become suspect of my actions. Inwardly cursing Ian, I found a book, large enough to hide documents within it, and I slid it from the shelf and under my arm. I had read the book before, it was one James used to teach me, but it did not matter. This was not for my enjoyment.

Roland said to enter after I knocked on his door. He was in the process of writing something, so I settled in a chair and opened the book, waiting for him to possibly leave so I could search his desk. The whole afternoon was a waste. He never left, and eventually, I looked up to see him staring at me. He came over and kissed me, fondled me like he had before, leaving me breathless, and then he ushered me out of the room, making some excuse about a private meeting.

The day after that was more of the same and the two days after that. Ian found me before supper the fourth night and asked about my progress. I explained that I was trying, but had not had a chance. Ian smiled. "You have him wrapped around your finger, Sofia. From the way he's pursuing the servant girls, you must be driving him insane in that office."

"I don't understand."

Ian's right eyebrow raised. "You haven't lost your innocence, have you?" He laughed and I shook my head. "He's fucking the servants, Sofia."

My mouth formed an "O" and my face flushed red, which made Ian laugh more. "Roland doesn't usually take no for an answer, so whatever you have over him, it's working. I'm surprised you haven't been wedded and bedded already, or at least the latter."

"He's…he's been with other women?" I was becoming angry now.

"Don't act all jealous now. I thought you didn't even want him. Of course he's with other women. He's been with them before, and I'm sure he will be after you are married too, but from what the girls tell me, it sounds like he's been _very frustrated_ lately, and much more aggressive." He cocked his head, his eyes going to my neck which was nearly bruise free. "But I guess you bring that out in him."

"You mean he will sleep with other women after we are married?"

"Sofia," he smiled. "I'm sure you'll be sleeping with the sorcerer after Roland tires of you. Don't deny it. The only difference is, Roland can let your sorcerer go. You cannot remove all the female servants." Ian became serious. "I'm getting tired of waiting though. Do what I told you, soon. Very soon."

I swallowed and nodded as he walked away.

The next afternoon, I had a chance. Roland's old friend Sir Gral and Baileywick were in the study with us, and though I tuned out most of the conversation, I did hear something about horses. Sir Gral invited Roland down to the stable to inspect the new Destrier Sir Gral had recently purchased. Roland agreed excitedly, and told me they would be back soon. I smiled and nodded, going back to reading and ignoring them.

Once they were gone, I counted to one hundred in case they would return for something, and then I went to work. All the drawers of Roland's desk were unlocked, but one, and those drawers contained nothing of importance to me. I was sure the locked drawer was the one I needed.

Trying the knife used to break seals did not budge the lock, nor did I find a key in any other drawer. I searched the room for something that might fit into the keyhole and still be able to jar it. I slipped into the adjoining sitting room, and then Roland's bedroom. Shivering at the sight of the bed where he had nearly strangled me to unconsciousness, I purposely looked away and began quickly opening drawers and cupboards. In the nightstand was a long, skinny dagger. I grabbed it, slammed the drawer shut, then ran back to the study.

It was successful. I was able to pry the lock open and pull the drawer out. Documents were filed and I removed bunches of them at a time, perusing them as quickly as I could for information that Ian might want. Toward the back were letters from other individuals. With no time to read them, I spread the rest of the papers out in the drawer so it was not evident that I took a bunch. Shutting the desk I realized there was no way I could lock it, but hoped that Roland would think he had just forgotten to lock it the next time he was in the study.

I stuffed the letters into my book and was about to take the dagger back to Roland's bedroom, but I heard his voice in the hall. Curling up in the chair, I slid the dagger in between the back cover and last page, and flipped back to where I was reading just before the door was opened.

Baileywick had not returned with Gral and Roland, but they were still excitedly discussing horses. I looked up and smiled at them, my heart racing in fear. Roland bent over and kissed me on the forehead before the men moved to the settee and another chair.

"You will be staying for supper?" Roland asked, though it was more a demand.

"I really should be getting back," Gral laughed.

"Nonsense. Lord Ian is here. I'm sure he'd like to hear about the horse as well."

"You are twisting my arm, Roland. Yes, I will stay. This includes spending the night?"

"Unless you want to ride home in the dark, possibly injuring your new prize possession. Of course it means you will stay the night. Sofia, dear, will you inform Baileywick that Gral will need be staying with us?"

"Yes, Roland." I shut the book tight and rose from the chair. "I will see you later, Roland, Sir Gral." Giving a small curtsey, I hurried from the room, hiding the book under my mattress before searching for Baileywick.

* * *

I was not able to find Ian but met both him and Amber as I was on Sir Gral's arm, walking into the dining room. Ian raised his eyebrow and I nodded curtly and looked away. Gral's presence at supper made the atmosphere lighter, as Amber played the perfect hostess and Roland was happy his old friend was staying. Gral was kind to me as well, more kind than any of Roland's other friends or acquaintances had been.

Later that night, after everyone had retired to their rooms, I woke to find Ian standing over my bed.

"Give them to me," he whispered. I slid from the bed, took the book from under my mattress and pulled out the letters.

"You'll give them back to me?"

"Yes," he said. "Tomorrow. Then you can replace them."

"I don't know when I'll be able to."

"You'll figure something out." With that, he was gone. The book was loose in my hand and the dagger fell from it. I replaced the dagger in the book and set it on my table hoping what I had done would buy me a little more time to take Michael, and run away with him. Sitting on the edge of my bed, I felt as if the world was resting upon my shoulders.


	29. Chapter 29

Being hopeful that Ian would return the documents to me the next morning only led to disappointment. He did not. When I arrived at Roland's study shortly after lunch, I found Baileywick and Roland furiously whispering with each other. Roland was a bit pale, and worried, while Baileywick glared at me.

"I apologize," I said, beginning to leave, thinking they were having a discussion which did not involve my presence.

"No, Sofia, come here."

Suddenly I wondered if the looks and the whispers had anything to do with the letters I had purloined. "Is everything ok?" Roland waved me toward the desk and Baileywick stood straighter.

"Sofia, when we left here yesterday, did anyone come in?"

My mind raced as my mouth went dry. "Yes." _Oh, I'm an idiot. I'm not good at lying._

"And?" Roland prompted.

I swallowed nervously. "Well, at least I thought so. I mean, I…I was scared. I knew you weren't here, and I didn't know who it could be and I was alone, so I went to the next room, and then I realized I couldn't protect myself and I didn't know if anyone could hear me." My words just tumbled out fast. "So, I went through your bedroom and I found this," I opened the book and pulled out the dagger, "and I decided that I would confront whomever entered the study, but then when I came back, no one was there." Sighing, I continued. "Then I felt like an idiot because I was probably just hearing things but I did not put this back right away. And it wasn't long before you and Sir Gral came back." Roland stood and moved toward me around the desk which made me back up a step or two. "I'm sorry, Roland. You said I was in danger and you weren't here and I was frightened."

Roland smiled as he came closer. "Give me the dagger, Sofia." I handed it to him and he lay it on the desk behind him. "I told you that you are safe inside the castle."

"But," he cradled my face in his hands, "I… I'm so sorry, Roland. I guess my imagination got away from me."

"So you never saw who was in this office?" Baileywick said from behind Roland.

I looked deep into Roland's eyes. "No. I thought after, that I had been imagining the door knob turning." I looked at Roland's lips. I did not like the worrisome look on his face and it occurred to me that perhaps if I kissed him, his worry would leave. "Do you think someone came in?"

"I am missing some documents." My eyes flew to his again. "Someone broke into my desk and took them. Are you sure you did not see who it was, my dear?"

"No. I'm sorry, I'm so foolish. I should have told you right away, but I thought I was being silly."

"If she did not see anyone," Baileywick moved away from the desk, "perhaps she took them."

My mouth dropped open and the need to defend myself and instill doubt elsewhere. "Did you go to see Sir Gral's horse?" I retorted.

Baileywick sneered at me. "He did not," Roland said.

"Then what if it was Baileywick who came back here and took…whatever it was? The documents?" Now Baileywick was angry. "It doesn't feel good to be accused of something, does it?" I was hoping the red shame clinging to my face would be confused for anger at Roland's man.

"Enough," Roland wiped his face. "I know it was neither of you. But that means that either someone got past the guards and into the castle, or someone is a spy." He started to move back to the desk but I grabbed his arm.

"But that means we aren't safe here."

"It was theft, Sofia, not assault. Would keeping the dagger make you feel better? Would you know how to use it without hurting yourself?"

I considered this, then shook my head. Roland slid his arm around my shoulders and I leaned into him, with Baileywick working hard to remove the scowl from his face. "Were the documents important? Are they related to money?"

Roland shook his head and moved us to sit together on the settee. "They contain names of others who are aligned as I am. King Stephen would pay greatly for this information, and if it found its way into his hands, many people will be in trouble."

"What kind of trouble?"

"At the very least, loss of land and title. More likely we would be tried for treason."

I gasped. Suddenly, I realized that Roland was truly my benefactor, whether I liked him or not. The king was not pleased with me and if something happened to Roland, who knew what would happen to me? _And Michael, what would happen to him? He's just a baby._

Roland drew me closer to him with his arm around my shoulder. "See, now I've frightened you more. I'm sorry, Sofia."

"What would happen to Michael?" I breathed.

Roland shrugged. "Don't think about that." His lips landed on my forehead, then lingered. "You go to your room. I have a lot of work to do today."

"Can I help?"

"How good are you at interrogations?"

Shaking my head, I felt tears well up in my eyes. "You are worried, Roland." I swear I heard Baileywick's eyes roll.

"Go to your room, Sofia. I will see you for supper." Then, our lips met, gently, and I realized that maybe I did have some affection for Roland, even if I had just made one the biggest mistakes of my life. He stood, pulled me up with him, and walked to the door. "Oh, I forgot," Roland paused. "Lady Johnna sent a note. "She could be here any day. It depends on the weather. The messenger said he came through some hard rain."

"Is it safe for her to come?"

"She will be fine," Roland smiled.

"Thank you. I'll be so happy to see her." He opened the door for me and I left, heading straight for my room.

* * *

By supper, Roland looked wan and was angry toward everyone. The meal was somber, with each of us excusing ourselves as quickly as possible. Ian and I avoided each other at the table, and even Amber had little to say.

Before I returned to my room, I paused, wondering if I should confess everything to Cedric, and get his advice, but I felt Ian still held the upper hand. _Cedric will be angry with me,_ I reasoned, so I entered my room and prepared for bed.

It was late in the night again when Ian entered my room. This time I heard the door handle turn, and I hazily thought that I needed to start locking my door.

"You haven't gone to see your beloved sorcerer, lately," was the first thing he said.

"Why should I? My throat no longer hurts."

Ian sat on the end of my bed, laughing quietly. He put his hand inside his jacket and pulled out the stack of documents, then dropped them on the bed between us.

"What are you going to do with the information you took from these?"

"That is nothing for you to worry about."

"You put us all in danger."

"No, my dear, _you_ put yourself, and your brother, and your lovers in danger."

"You lied to me!" I grabbed the documents and climbed from the bed.

"Let me think." He paused as I stoked my fire that had nearly gone out. "No, I did not lie to you." I knelt at the hearth and began to burn the documents.

"What are you doing?" he hissed.

"Getting rid of these."

"You need to put them back."

"I can't!"

"Roland will find them missing." He moved to take what he could from my hand and I threw them all into the fire at once.

"Roland already knows they are missing."

"How did you screw this up?" he tried to reach in to the flames to save what he could but I picked up the poker and poked his arm.

My door opened and we both turned to see Roland enter, in his pajamas and robe.

"Ian? Sofia? What is this?" His eyes narrowed.

Ian stood. "I heard Sofia screaming and came to see the problem. She was having a nightmare."

Slowly, I stood as well. "I was very cold, so I moved to sit closer to the hearth, and Ian was stoking the fire for me." I glanced down at the flames which were still licking the edge of Roland's documents. Moving so Roland could not see into the fire, I asked, "Why are you here?"

"I came to check on you."

"So, you heard her yelling as well," Ian smiled.

"No," Roland said.

I gave Roland a smile. "It must have been that part of you that knew I was frightened and cold, and you came to be with me." This seemed to stroke Roland's ego, and he smiled finally.

Clearing his throat, he bade Ian a good night, motioning to the door, thanking Ian but adding that it was improper for him to be in my room any longer than necessary. Then, once Ian was gone, and Roland and I were alone, I ran to him, throwing my arms around him. "I am cold. Will you hold me?"

Steering me to the bed, he pulled the covers back and we both climbed in. "I will hold you the rest of the night," he sighed into my hair. "I'm sorry for the worry I've caused you, Sofia. I love you."

I tensed. This was the first time he had said he loved me. Shock overcame me, but also a sense of longing for Cedric. _And yet here I am in my bed with someone who is not Cedric._ Roland snored softly and I stretched to look at the fire, hoping each page had burned completely, before I succumbed to a restless sleep.


	30. Chapter 30

Two days later, Johnna arrived. Roland and I met her at the front, and she and I linked arms as we walked inside so I could show her to her room. We had put her a short way down the hall from me. "I can't believe you came!" I smiled when we were alone and she laughed at me.

"Of course, I came. I believe we have some plans to discuss." She saw my smile falter. "What is it?"

"There's just… so much going on. I don't know where to start."

"Perhaps we should invite Cedric for tea and…"

"We can't do that." Her brow furrowed. "What I mean is, here, it's not proper to invite the sorcerer to your room unless you are ill. Roland has different rules than other duchies. I didn't really know that until we travelled to the palace."

"Well then," Johnna smiled. "Perhaps you will give me time to wash and get refreshed, and then, we can summon the sorcerer for a headache remedy." She put her hand to her head and giggled. "I distinctly feel a headache approaching. It should be here in say, half an hour?"

"Would tea help, Lady Johnna?" I played along.

"I think tea would definitely be a good start for a remedy, but if Cedric has something more powerful…"

Moving to the door, I said, "I will have tea brought up, and then if your head hurts, we will send for his help." We both laughed, and I left.

A short time later, before I sent a servant for Cedric, I filled Johnna in on nearly everything that had happened since King Stephen had banished Roland and me. She listened but also asked a lot of questions. "I see you have little problem calling him Roland now. Are you having second thoughts about Cedric?"

I shook my head. "I'm afraid he's having second thoughts about me. And there is more to tell, but it would be easier for me to tell you when Cedric is here, as I have not spoken to him in several days. I've been quite… foolish. And I need to change our plans a bit."

Johnna nodded slowly. "So, is this the right time to tell you the pain in my head is excruciating?"

I hid my smile behind a worried face and called a servant to fetch Cedric and some headache medicine right away. While we waited, Johnna reclined on the settee and tried to look miserable. Cedric arrived promptly, and only after the servant had left did he ask if the potion was truly needed.

Sitting up straight, Johnna motioned for him to sit down. "Is everything ready on your end?"

Cedric nodded and sat. Looking between us, he said, "Sofia's escort is waiting nearby. She can leave anytime."

"I need to make a change." They both looked at me. "I need to take Michael with me."

"Impossible," said Cedric and "Why?" asked Johnna, completely surprised.

"He's in danger."

"I don't think Amber will really hurt him, Sofia."

"I made a mistake, Cedric. Roland said there was danger before but now we are in worse danger."

"I think you better explain," said Johnna.

Telling the story about Ian and the blackmail was hard, but then sharing what I had learned and how I could not leave Michael was harder. "I don't know if Ian meant he wanted Michael out of the way, or if it really was someone else, but if Ian is working with King Stephan then I'm sure the king will want to kill Michael too. He's just a baby," I pleaded.

Johnna sighed, her finger tapping her lips as she thought.

"Why didn't you tell me any of this before?" Cedric asked.

"Because Ian was watching. And I thought if I could do what he asked that would be it. I never realized this was going to cause problems for so many people."

"And this won't be over," Cedric said. "He will keep using you."

"I was going to run away, on my own, but once he threatened Michael I couldn't. And then I was going to take Michael, and run, but things just keeps happening."

"You made sure the letters were completely burned?"

"Yes, once Roland was gone, I checked."

"Once Roland was gone?" I realized I neglected to say that Roland had spent the night. _Well, I didn't neglect to say it, I didn't want Cedric to know._ My face flushed. "He stayed the night with you?"

"I had to get him away from the fireplace, and turn his thoughts from why Ian may have been in my room." Cedric was angry and I saw jealousy etched in every part of his face.

"Is there anyone else who can take Michael? Someone outside the village perhaps?"

I shrugged my shoulders. Cedric was still looking at me. I felt ill.

"Cedric?" asked Johnna.

"What?" he was short with her but she ignored it.

"Do you know of anyone who can take the baby? The plan would not work well if Michael was involved."

"It may not work at all. I'm not allowed to take him outside the castle. I'm lucky I've been given permission to go riding with you, Johnna."

"There is a woman near here that has a son who likely will not live long. I've been treating his illness. He's about the same age as Michael. I suppose I could find a way to do something."

"The sooner, the better," Johnna nodded.

Cedric and I looked at each other. It was as if a myriad of emotions and things we wanted to say to each other were tumbling inside each of us, but there was no way to get out.

"I've been here long enough," Cedric stood. "When your headache returns, Lady Johnna, please call for me. I have things to do."

"Thank you, Sir Cedric," she smiled.

I gave him a weak smile though I wanted to jump up and hug him and tell him I loved him and that everything would be ok. But I could not and he left.

"I think the two of you need to talk." Johnna remarked.

"Yes, we do," I sighed.

"Well, while we are both here, what shall we do?"

"I daresay you will not want to go riding this afternoon as you just arrived, but maybe a walk in the garden before supper?"

"That sounds lovely."

* * *

Supper was more than tolerable, as Johnna was skilled in keeping a conversation going, even with Amber who cared little for anyone whose friendship did not benefit her. Roland was a gracious host, and it seemed he forgot all the worries that the previous days had brought. His smile came easy, his eyes twinkled and I found myself staring at him, thinking of how handsome he was. He caught me looking at him and I looked away, blushing, but still smiling.

"Will you be coming with us next week to the ball at Lord Kevan's home, Johnna?" Amber asked.

"I did bring a ball gown," Johnna smiled. "Is everyone going?"

"We are," Roland nodded. "They are close enough we will come home that night."

"I'd love to go," Johnna sat back in her chair.

"Let's retire to the drawing room," Roland threw down his napkin and stood, helping both Johnna and me from our chairs. The five of us walked to the room together amicably. Johnna sat in a chair while Roland sat next to me on a sofa, taking my hand in his. He leaned over and whispered in my ear, "I saw you looking at me," while Amber and Ian found their seats. I flushed again.

"Tell me about Jane," said Amber. "Is she happy with her choice of fiancé?"

Ian scoffed. "Are you not?"

Amber rolled her eyes, then looked back to Johnna.

"She's very happy," Johnna smiled. "The wedding will be just after the season finishes. Jane has decided on a dark blue gown for the wedding." I knew Johnna added that detail just for Amber.

"She will look divine in dark blue," Amber crooned. "I guess I will have to take that color off my list."

"It's about time you whittle down some of your options." Ian hid a smile behind his glass of wine, but I could not smile with him, my hate for him growing.

"Ian, be quiet!"

"I expect you'll receive an invitation soon." Johnna went on.

Amber was pleased. "And since I will be in the area, I could pop in to see my family in the palace. Won't that be wonderful, Ian?"

My breath caught. Roland noticed and squeezed my hand. If Ian was going to see the king, he could give the king the list of names. I felt nauseous, and put my hand to my head.

"Are you well?" Roland asked.

"I had a terrible headache earlier," Johnna said. "I hope it was not contagious."

"I'm sorry you did not feel well, Johnna." Roland looked concerned.

"Oh, your sorcerer fixed me up quite fast. He had just the right thing."

"Cedric is a great healer. Perhaps you should retire, Sofia, and I'll have Cedric sent to treat you."

I was going to say no, especially as Amber and Ian were watching me carefully, but then decided otherwise. "Perhaps that would be a good idea."

"I will help her to her room and wait with her," Johnna offered. "It has been a long day and I am fatigued myself."

"Thank you, Lady Johnna." We stood and Roland embraced me, then kissed me, in front of everyone. I wanted to push away, but I wanted this. He was good looking and even though things were not always good, I could forgive him for the mistakes he made, but then I remembered what I had done to put us in jeopardy and how he would never forgive me.

I pulled away. "Good night, Roland," I said, red as ever, feeling Amber's eyes boring into me. I did not look at her but I did catch Ian's eyes. He was laughing inwardly. I turned, and left with Johnna.

* * *

Johnna excused herself as soon as Cedric came. She told me that I needed to make things right with him, whether it was choosing to stay with Roland, or choosing to leave and connect with Cedric later.

"Are you really not feeling well?" Cedric asked.

"Yes, but it is nothing that you can treat."

"Then tell me what the problem is."

I paused. "It's everything."

Cedric sat next to me. "Can you tell me about it?"

I studied his face. He was not the handsome that Roland was, but I still thought him attractive. I began to raise my hand wanting to run my fingers through his hair, then paused, then thought, _why not?_ His hair was thick, and felt good in my hand, which then trailed down to his face. I looked at his lips and remembered how they had felt on mine the first time.

When our eyes met, I wanted to cry. His eyes were beautiful, but wounded. We both swallowed, nervous to break the silence, afraid of breaking the contact. I closed my eyes and dove in, pushing my lips onto his. He kissed me back so hard I was sure my lips would bruise, and when we opened our mouths for air our tongues met.

Cedric pulled me onto his lap and began to kiss my neck. Surprisingly, instead of it tickling, I felt a shock running through me that made me moan. He pulled the pins from my hair so that it fell around my shoulders, and then ran his hands through it.

I pushed away from him and climbed off his lap, nearly stumbling.

"Sofia." I ran to the door, locked it, and turned around. Reaching behind me, I pulled the strings to my dress, loosening it, and started to unlace the corset underneath, while I moved back to Cedric. He stood and met me. His arms went around me, and mine went to undo the front of his robe. Our lips met again, slow, but hard, and his hands continued releasing me from my clothing.

When my dress fell down, and I was left standing in a loose corset and small clothes, Cedric stepped back and looked at me. I pulled the sleeve of his robe and it slid off one side and I pulled his shirt out from being tucked in his pants, then raised it and ran my hands over his chest, and then his sides as his lips and teeth found my neck. Moaning, and panting, I found his nipples were hard like mine against my fingertips.

Before I knew it, I was completely naked in my room with Cedric. The look he gave me was full of lust, and he lifted me and carried me to the bed. "If you want me to stop, tell me now, Sofia."

"Cedric," I pulled his shirt over his head. "I want you to know that whatever happens, I _do_ love you, and if I have a choice, it is _you_." He leaned over to kiss me, but his lips were only there a second before they were on my shoulder, and then his thumbs brushed over my nipples, causing me to gasp, another shock reverberating through my body. Then I felt his mouth on my breast, licking and teasing. I could not help but moan and my hips lifted, meeting his. I felt a bulge in the front of his pants and reached down but he caught my wrist, and pinned both my hands above my head, his mouth paying attention to my breasts.

"Cedric," I panted. I felt I needed to say something but thought alluded me. He moved and somehow his knee ended up between my legs. The urge to scoot down and use his knee to relieve the sensation in between my legs was great.

He let go of my wrists as his lips moved farther down, kissing and licking my belly. I put my hands on his shoulders, feeling his muscles, and then the hair on his head as his mouth moved even farther down. My eyes flew open and I hoarsely whispered "Cedric" when his tongue touched the area that my fingers had found several days before.

He did not stop, and I could not have made him. The feelings he produced in my body was overpowering and with one hand I grasped his hair, and my other hand grabbed a pillow to plant over my face, as I felt like screaming, and the outcome of that would be very bad.

His hands reached up to touch my breasts as he tickled me with his tongue and I could not help but thrust my pelvis in his face. "Cedric, what are you doing to me?" I panted. "I feel like-" I could not finish the sentence as a pressure built inside me. It was as if Cedric knew and he changed what he was doing, still pleasurable, but not helping to release whatever was inside me that needed to come out. He pinched my nipples hard and sucked on me hard. It was painful, but enjoyably so.

Then his tongue moved differently again, and I cried out in frustration, his hair still in my fist. "What do you want, Sofia?" he asked.

"I don't know."

He started to trace his tongue along the sides of my opening. I squirmed and he had to hold my hips in place. "Tell me what you want."

"I don't know. I've never had this before." He lightly kissed the inside of my thighs, then bit down hard.

"Sofia, who do you want?"

"You, Cedric. I want you. And I want you to have me," I was pleading now. His tongue went back to that area and moved around, and fast, and I felt an enormous pressure. "Cedric, I think I'm going to explode." He did not listen to me and suddenly, it felt like I did explode. I pressed the pillow over my face and felt my body convulse in ways it never had before. I could barely breathe. Cedric moved, and when I looked up, he was removing the last of his clothing, then climbed on top of me again.

I ran my hands over his chest, sides and back, afraid to touch the very obvious member sticking out from the front of him. "I need you, Sofia," he kissed me, pressing his body against mine. I could taste something on him, and knew it must have been what made me wet.

"Please be gentle?"

"I will." Parting my legs wider, he leaned on one hand while using his other to place his manhood where he had just been licking. Then he took one of my nipples in his mouth and bit down as he thrust into me. I cried out, but Cedric did not move. He kissed my nipple apologetically, then told me to take a deep breath.

"When you are ready, I'll start."

"I'm ready." He did not need more encouragement. He went slow at first, moving in and out of me. It was slightly painful, but it was becoming more pleasurable, and I could tell Cedric was urgent for something.

"I love you, Cedric." He kissed me while thrusting and we both moaned together.

"So…good," he said. I hooked my ankles on his backside and it seemed to give him better access to go deeper into me. I moaned from the pain and pulled him closer.

"Oh, Cedric," my hips began to thrust on their own, and he picked up the pace. He kissed me, and fondled a breast with one hand. "I love you," I whispered.

This went on for a while until suddenly it was as if he became bigger inside me and I could feel a pulsing sensation. His breathing was ragged, and he thrust harder then before, but only a few times. Then he fell forward onto me, supporting most of his weight on his arms but laying his head on my chest, breathing hard.

I ran my fingers through his hair, then reached down to rub his shoulders. "Cedric?" He had not spoken and I was afraid he was hurt. Pulling himself out of me, my sorcerer moved up in the bed, slipped under the blanket and pulled me against him so our bodies were still touching.

"How do you feel?" he asked.

"I don't know if words can describe it."

He chuckled. "You are mine, Sofia. Just remember that. I love you, and I am your first." He kissed my smiling mouth. "I'm staking my claim right now."

I laughed and trailed my hand down his chest. "I suppose I'll let you stake your claim."

"I love you, Sofia. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you."

"Do you think the plan will work?"

He held me close as our heartbeats slowed. "It has to. I'm not giving up on you and me."


	31. Chapter 31

Chaos erupted in the morning. When I woke, Cedric was no longer in my room, which was just as well because the screaming coming from the hall required immediate attention, and not just mine. Tugging on a nightgown, and then a robe, I hurried out my door to find Michael's nurse, screaming unintelligibly.

A male servant grabbed her shoulders and shook her, trying to bring her to her senses but it did nothing. A slap across the face stopped the screaming, but she did not speak. In a panic, I ran past her to the nursery. The door was still open and I flew to the crib. I picked the baby up before really looking but immediately knew something was not right. "Michael!" I screamed. I pulled the knitted hat and blanket off the baby. It was not Michael that I held in my arms, but it was a baby. A dead baby. I looked up in time to see many people pour into the nursery, including Ian and Roland.

"Sofia," was all Roland could say. I looked at him, then down at the dead little boy in my arms, and began to cry. It was not Michael, but the only ones who probably knew that would be me and the nurse. And from what I could hear, she was still hysterical.

"Sofia, no." Roland whispered.

"He's…he's dead," I choked. I sobbed, tears of relief that it was not Michael, but also tears of fright because I did not know where Michael was, and someone else was mourning this child. I clutched the baby to me, afraid to let anyone else see him.

"Send for Cedric," Roland said tightly. Then he turned and left.

I looked at Ian, confusion and worry etched into his face. "How could you!" I yelled, mostly at Ian, but also at the others around him. Servants tried to take the baby from me but I pulled him closer to me, and took him toward my room. Turning around, I shouted at the group of people, many still in their nightclothes, and Amber poking her head from her room. "How could this happen?" I screamed then ran the rest of the way to my room.

It was minutes before Cedric arrived and knocked on my door. He announced himself and I told him he could enter, but only him.

He sat next to me on the settee. I was emotionally exhausted but tears kept streaming down my face. "Who is this?" I whispered, handing Cedric the baby.

"I told you and Johnna there was a woman whose child was on his deathbed. When I went to speak to her about the situation, this child had been dead an hour. At first, she did not like my suggestion, but I explained that Michael's life was in danger, and he needed a family who would keep him safe and raise him as their own. She said she could not bear the thought that another child should be harmed and she agreed to take him, say her son had been cured, and keep him safe."

"Bless her," I cried. Cedric put his arm around me as I sobbed some more. "So, he is safe? Michael is going to be fine?"

"Yes." Cedric kissed my forehead. "Michael is going to be just fine."

The door opened and Ian entered. "Sofia-" he started. He saw me crying into Cedric's shoulder while the sorcerer held the dead child in his other arm.

"I hate you!" I shouted at Ian. "You could have at least given me more than a few days!"

"I didn't do this!"

"Oh really? Then who did?" I wiped my eyes on my sleeve. "Cedric, can you do whatever needs to be done to give Michael a proper funeral?" I stood and Cedric followed suit. "I need to speak with Roland."

"Sofia-" Ian reached for my arm as I walked to the door.

"Stay away from me!" I jerked back.

"This is the third close relative she's lost in a year, my lord. Please leave her alone for a while. She needs time to grieve."

I heard Ian say again that he had nothing to do with this as I hurried to Roland's room, but what Cedric said further, I never knew.

I did not knock, but walked into Roland's sitting room, and then his bedroom only to find another surprise. Roland was on top of someone in his bed, and from the noises being made I could tell it was a woman. I was compelled to walk closer. The woman had dark hair, and bigger breasts than me. Roland's hand was on her throat as he grunted and growled, his face terrifyingly angry. Unlike me, the woman looked like she was enjoying it, until she saw me standing next to the bed. It took several seconds, but then Roland discovered me as well.

I could not speak. I opened my mouth but then closed it again, swallowed and shook my head.

"Sofia," he said, "have a seat in the next room and I'll be out to talk to you in a minute."

I shook my head, backing away. "I hate you too!" The hoarse whisper finally came from my mouth. I ran to my room, passing Johnna, but not stopping to speak with her. In my room, I locked the door, then moved my couch in front of it, and then a chest of drawers.

Sitting on the floor next to my bed I hugged my knees and cried. _How could I be so stupid? Ian told me what he was doing! And I should have known. He never cared for James and he never cared for Michael, so how out of sorts would it be to find him fucking some whore right after he finds out his second son is dead?_ I sobbed, and wondered how I could be so heartbroken when I had just been doing the same thing with Cedric only hours before.

I heard my doorknob rattle. "Open up, Sofia!" It was Roland.

"No!"

"I order you to open the damn door!"

"I'm not going to!"

I heard him say something to someone about finding Baileywick, who I knew held keys to nearly everything in the castle. I scanned the room for more furniture, but everything else, besides the chair and table were too heavy for me to move. Instead, I stayed where I was and let the tears fall. The one good thing out of this mess was that Michael was away and had a possibility of a good life with a real family.

It did not take long for Roland to open my door, and push the furniture out of the way. "You should have knocked on my door," he said.

"What does it matter? I was told you were doing that behind my back, but seeing it…"

"It's hard waiting for you."

"Then the wait is over. I am not going to marry you."

Roland laughed. His standing over me while I sat on the floor was a bit intimidating. "Johnna is here. We will be married this week."

I stood to even the field a little. "No. You have no respect for me and you have no respect for your children."

He grabbed my hair at the back of my head, forcing me to look straight in his face. "I am the duke. You owe me _your_ respect. Especially for everything I have given you. And you will give me more heirs."

"No."

His hand left my hair and the back of his hand met my face. I fell to the floor again from the force. "You can stay here until you show me the respect I am due." He turned toward the door.

"You said you loved me!"

"I do."

"You are a liar!" My door shut and I heard the lock turn from the outside. I still had the key to get out, but at the moment, I was ok with being shut in. At least it was not the dungeon.


	32. Chapter 32

Roland came to my room after supper. He had a servant set a tray on the table and then scurry out before he spoke. "I will allow you to go to the funeral tomorrow morning. You will have the rest of the day to grieve. The day after we will be married."

I did not answer and refused to look at him. He left, locking the door behind him. The smell of the food drew me from where I stood by the window. I had no breakfast or dinner that day and was extremely hungry. It did not take long for me to finish the pithy amount he had granted me, but it was good.

Later, there was a knock at the door and Johnna asked to come in. I fished out the key and unlocked it, letting her in before relocking the door. She wore her robe as if she was ready for bed. "Oh, Sofia," she said when she saw me. Her eyes were on my face, the side Roland had struck.

"I'm all right. It hurts, but," I shrugged. "I'm ready to leave."

"Tomorrow at the funeral." She took off her robe and I saw a bundle of clothing she had tied to herself. She undid the tie and handed the bundle to me. "It's servant garb. You are shorter than me, so it should fit. I tried it on and you could see my ankles quite clearly." We both laughed. "And here," she reached into a pocket, pulling out a tiny paper envelope. "Cedric said that if needed, I will take this. He said it will change me to look like you for a little while. I'm not really sure if it works, but he said to trust him."

I took a deep breath and raised my eyebrows. "Has he tested this on anyone else?"

"I doubt it. Unless he did it to himself." She had a knowing smile. "Make sure you wear your cloak. It was cloudy this evening, so it may rain tomorrow. And my cloak is very similar to yours."

I agreed. "I'm ready to go. I just wish I knew what will happen in the future."

"You and me both."

"You know the baby wasn't really-"

"Shh." She pressed her finger to her lips. "The less that is said here the better. Ian has been lurking about all day."

I frowned. "What if he comes to the funeral?"

"Then we will improvise. I'd help you disappear tonight, but with Ian and the insanity today, everyone is on alert. Tomorrow, you'll be outside and farther away from the castle. I think it will be easier."

I nodded. "I'm so sorry about today. At first I thought Michael was hurt or worse and then I discovered it wasn't him and I knew I had to play along and then I found Roland," I swallowed, "with…"

She put her hand on mine. "It's better you see him do it now than farther down the road. Besides, I can tell you developed some feelings for him, no matter how much of a brute he is." There was anger in eyes. "He is so cruel to you." Her fingers tucked some hair behind my ear on the bruised side of my face.

"Would you marry someone if they promised you security?"

"I'd like to say no, but, then again, my father gives me the security I need. It doesn't mean that I would not like to find someone I could share my life with. In the end, I may have to settle, but I'm going to wait as long as I can."

"Johnna, you can always stay with me." I laughed. "That's not much of an invitation as I don't know where I'm going to end up, and I doubt I'll be living someplace as nice as this the rest of my life."

"I don't care. As long as it's better than that hovel you stayed at in the city. By the time I came to visit with Elliot, you were gone. That place was horrible!"

"It was!" We both shivered thinking of that inn. "Johnna, you been such an incredible friend to me!" I gave her a hug.

She laughed. "When we first met, I could tell you were out of your element. I feel that way too when I am thrust into society, like being Jane's companion this year. I truly despise all the rules and modicum one must keep to be a proper woman. You seemed to be a kindred soul. And then when I saw you and Cedric, I knew for sure."

"Is it that obvious?" I groaned. "Ian said as much. I don't know how Roland and Amber could miss it."

"Amber and Roland only care about themselves. They do not see anything that does not involve them."

"True. That makes sense. She is definitely his daughter. I'm going to miss you, Johnna."

"Do you have a pen and paper?" Nodding, I opened a slim drawer in the side of the table. She leaned forward, taking what she needed and writing quickly on just a small piece of the paper. Then she tore off that section and handed it to me. "I don't usually tell anyone my secret, but I am a writer."

"No wonder your handwriting is so beautiful!"

"I go by the name John Moore, because this world does not seem to be ready to allow women to have a career."

"Does your father know?"

"He does, but no one else in my family knows. Father is one of only a few who have supported me. Anyway, here is my address and if you need to contact me, say you are John Moore. I will know it is you. It is far too risky to use your own name."

"I can't believe you are a writer! What do you write?"

"I've written a few novels, but I've also submitted pieces for periodicals, almanacs and such."

"You are famous!"

Johnna laughed, waving her hand. "Hardly. But I trust you will keep my secret?"

"Of course. And wherever I end up, I must look for your work."

"I'm in the process of writing a new novel, with a character similar to you. I hope that does not disturb you."

"I think it is flattering! But make her smarter. And prettier."

Johnna belly laughed. "I'll see what I can do. I don't want her to be too perfect."

I laughed and then yawned. "I should not be so tired. I've done nothing but sit in here all day."

"After being shocked and starved! It's all right. I should go now myself. Tomorrow will be a long day. Don't forget to hide my address in your beautiful new clothing."

We stood, smiling at each other, and then hugged. "Thank you, Johnna."

"I love you, Sofia, my friend. Don't forget me when you are adventuring out there in the world."

"I'll never forget you!"

We broke apart, our eyes a little glassy. "See you in the morning." Then she left with me locking the door behind her.

BREAK

There was indeed a chill in the air in the morning, and it seemed grey, though not a drop of rain fell, as Johnna and I walked to the cemetery. Ian was there shortly after, and Cedric not long after him.

Michael's nurse was gone. Johnna had whispered to me on the way that everyone was sure she had lost her mind as she kept saying, "He's gone! He's gone!" and also, "It's not him! It's not him." Other servants had related how they knew the nurse was leaving the nursery at night to meet her beau, and that if Michael had become ill and needed immediate attention, she would not have been there.

A few servants were already graveside, and another woman I did not recognize. Cedric stopped to speak with her and a man that stood near her, and I saw them both look in my direction, but then the woman's eyes were back on the casket. _His mother._ I looked at her again, though she was far enough that I could not make out much of the details of her face. Cedric patted her shoulder, shook the man's hand, then stood at a respectable distance from Ian, Johnna and me.

Ian had moved to my side, as Johnna was on my other. He saw the bruise on the side of my face, and frowned after a momentary surprise flooded his face. I hoped he would not speak to me and was relieved when he did not. The funeral was quick. I watched the baby's mother, and her strength made me cry. I felt so horrible for her. Johnna's hand found mine and squeezed.

After, Ian apologized for Amber and Roland not being there. I glared at him. "They won't go to my or your funeral either. Get used to it." Moving away, I put my hand over my mouth. "I think I'm going to be sick."

Johnna looked around. "Over here," she pulled me.

"I can carry her to the castle," Ian offered.

Cedric stepped forward to say something to Ian as Johnna said, "No time; we'll be right back." I kept one hand over my mouth as Johnna pulled me behind a large tree. "Pull your hood up." I did as she said and she took out the packet Cedric had given her. She opened it, took my hand in hers, then threw the powder in her mouth.

She lurched forward suddenly, but I held her tight, and when her eyes met mine it was like I was looking in the mirror. "Johnna?"

"Do I look like you?"

"Yes. Just like me!"

"It won't last long." She hugged me and whispered. "Stay here until we are all gone, then head that way!" she pointed to the north. "And good luck!"

She moved from behind the tree to join Ian and Cedric who were still conversing. I heard Ian ask after Johnna but she, the other me, said that Johnna had gone back to the castle for water, but that she, me, was feeling better now and could walk on her, my, own. Her back straight, she took off, Ian and Cedric following. I wanted Cedric to look back and see me, as I peeked out from behind the tree, but he did not. _It is probably for the best,_ I sighed. Once they were all gone, I hurried in the direction that Johnna had pointed, hoping the plan would work.


	33. Chapter 33

My body hurriedly walked north, while my thoughts were behind in the castle. I could not help but wonder what Cedric and Johnna were going to do or say when it was discovered that I was missing. I hoped it would be hours before anyone noticed. But hope could not guarantee time, so moving faster was up to me.

I did not go far when a woman stepped out in front of me, startling me. She had raven hair and blue piercing eyes and she wore leather pants under her cloak. "Good day," I said, then moved around her. She fell into step with me, both of us walking some ways before speaking.

"I have horses ahead. You can ride?"

"Yes, not well, but I've had some lessons." I paused. "Who are you?"

"A friend. Cedric asked me to meet you. He gave me your description."

"This way," she pointed to our left. I followed her and two horses were tied just ahead. The woman had to help me mount, as the horse was larger than I was used to. _Roland would never have let me ride a horse this size._ It was interesting how my heart both grew heavy with despair and fury at the thought of Roland. In fact, the woman I was with now had the same hair color as that woman in Roland's bed. Shaking my head as if it would clear my thoughts, I tried to focus on where I was going.

"Where will we stop tonight?"

The woman barked a laugh. "We will see how far we get." After a sidelong glance, she said, "You do realize we'll be sleeping outdoors."

"Oh. All right." It was not as if I had never slept outside before. Mother had not always been able to find us a place to live. "The last few years in the castle have spoiled me." The woman did not reply.

We travelled all day, only stopping to let the horses rest. I was sore in places that I did not even know existed until this day. The woman who never told me her name was not someone who cared to talk and I accepted it. It gave me time to think about everything and try to forget Roland and to try and not worry about Michael.

It was after dark when my companion said we should stop because the horses could not see well enough. I was exhausted. She unhooked a bedroll from her horse. I followed her example as my horse also carried necessities for the night. I removed the saddle and asked her if she had a brush for the horses. She handed me hers and I brushed down my mount as he ate.

Just before we lay down to sleep, she passed me some dried meat, beans and water. It was a small amount so I ate quickly and lay back on the bedroll losing consciousness almost immediately.

* * *

Half a day later, we arrived in a town on the largest river I had ever seen. The woman stabled the horses at an inn, then led me toward the docks. "Keep your hood on, and don't make eye contact with anyone," she whispered. "Also, keep your mouth shut." We had not spoken all day; keeping my mouth shut was not going to be a problem and I did not like the tone of her voice. If she noticed the face I made at her, she did not show it.

Following her through crowds of people, was hard. I was jostled here and there, and there was so much to look at I could hardly keep my head down. I could smell the river the closer we came to it. "Inside," she waved me toward an old building that faced large ships. We entered and I paused to let my eyes adjust from the sunlight to the darkness.

The woman grabbed my arm as I was not moving fast enough, and pulled me to a table near the front door. We sat and she ordered us both a drink. She gave me a searing look when I started to ask what we were doing there, and I remembered I was not to speak. Sighing, I studied the table, and then the drink in front of me when it was finally served.

We sat there a while before someone slid onto the bench next to me, and someone else slid onto the bench next to the woman. It was a female on my side, a male on the other. "I apologize for being late," said the woman next to me.

"No matter," my companion said. "What time does the ship leave?"

"A couple hours," said the man. "We have the cabin, but they are still loading freight."

My companion looked at me. "This is where I leave you. They will take you from here."

I swallowed and looked at the man and glanced at the woman beside me. They were definitely older, likely older than Roland. The woman patted my hand. "It is fine, dear. We are Cedric's parents."

Looking more closely, I could see similarities in Cedric's father's facial structure, but his mother was from whom he had received his eyes. "Hello," I whispered and swallowed again. Cedric had told me that I would likely stay with his parents, but not that they would come for me.

Cedric's mom patted my hand. "Perhaps we should board now." Her husband grunted in agreement and the four of us stood.

"Thank you," I whispered to my former companion. She nodded, slipped out the door ahead of us and then melded into the crowd.

"This way, dear," Cedric's mom took my arm. "It is so wonderful to finally meet you," her voice was quiet but warm. Cedric's father stood on my other side, slightly in front of me, making sure we a clear way through the throng. "We will speak more when we are in our cabin." I nodded and tried to keep my head down.

It was likely my nerves, but I felt as if everyone was watching us. My heart beating faster made me feel as if I would soon be in a panic. Taking a deep breath helped very little. "Here we go," Cedric's father waved us toward a wooden ramp. "Hold the rope and go slow, child." I went first, then Cedric's parents. A sailor on the ship reached out and helped me step onto the deck, where I turned and looked back to shore. I felt unsteady, and my fear was still great.

I saw a man, a tall man on the docks, well dressed and commanding and he looked like Roland. "No!" I whispered, my heart freezing, but then then man turned and I saw it was not Roland at all.

"Come dear," Cedric's father put his arm around my shoulder. "We have a small meal prepared. You are hungry, are you not?" He led me to a door near the stern.

"I don't know if I can eat."

"You will. Take your time."

I stumbled a little, still unsteady on my feet, but his support kept me up. Behind the door was a flight of stairs leading down, and the couple took me to their cabin. It was small, holding only two bunks, one above the other, a table that was bolted to the wall, and a bench on each side, bolted to the floor. One window let light in, while a lamp softly swung in one corner of the ceiling.

"We thought you could sleep on top, Sofia," the woman finally said my name. "Go ahead and take off your cloak and sit down while I put the food out."

I slid my hood down and unbuttoned the cloak at my neck. "What in magic's name?" asked Cedric's father as he saw my whole face. His wife turned and looked at me.

"Child, who did that to you?"

My hand went to my face, which was still slightly sore and apparently still visibly bruised. "It's nothing."

"That isn't nothing," Cedric's mother set down what was in her hands and swept me into a hug. "How are you, Sofia?"

I wanted to enjoy the hug, but I was not feeling well and I was scared so I could not do anything but be stiff. "I am fine." It was a rote answer, but how could I tell her the truth about anything?

She let go of me and looked closer, frowning. I dropped my eyes. Cedric had mentioned that both his parents had powerful magic, more powerful than him, and I was afraid his mother could see my thoughts.

"I can see why Cedric loves you," she finally smiled. "You are strong and beautiful."

"What may I call you?" changing the subject from this person I did not know trying to compliment me, which was quite uncomfortable.

"Oh!" she said, "We have not properly introduced ourselves, have we? My name is Winifred and this is Goodwyn but you can call us Mother and Father."

"May I call you by your given names?" Calling them mother and father sounded uncomfortable.

"How about you call me Wini and my husband Wyn? No one calls us by our given names and Wini and Wyn are much easier to remember."

"Thank you, Wini."

She laughed at me. "You are far too proper, Sofia. But I suppose you've been walking on eggshells for quite a while, haven't you?" She turned and finished laying out the small meal. I wondered exactly what Cedric had told them.

The ship tossed and I found myself on the bottom bunk, a small shriek escaping me. Wyn laughed heartily but reached out to pull me up again. "We won't be on the ship long. We should reach our port in the morning."

"Here, Sofia," Wini handed me a teacup. "I hope you don't mind. I added a little something to help with the queasiness. You've never sailed before?" Sipping the tea, I shook my head no. "Ah, then if you feel unwell after this tea, you tell me."

Wyn waved me to one of the benches, while Wini took the other, and he sat perched on the bottom bunk. Wini poured soup from a jug into three bowls and tore apart pieces of bread. Then I heard Wyn whisper some words and suddenly steam rose from the bowls. "Smells delicious," Wini smiled at her husband. Without spoons we drank the soup from the bowl as well as used the bread to sop it up and eat it. Wini was correct; it was delicious.

The warm meal, and possibly the tea, also made me fatigued. I could not help but yawn and once I had started, I could not stop. "Climb up in the bunk, dear, and take a nap."

"I'm going above to watch," Wyn said, leaving the cabin.

I did as Wini said, climbing a small ladder, and then seeing a belt across the bed. "Is this to keep me from rolling out?"

"Yes. There's one down here too. You would think on a river they would not be necessary, but," Wini smiled and shrugged.

"Better safe than sorry," I murmured, sliding under the blanket and then strapping the belt across me. My body still ached a bit from the riding, but with a full belly I was quickly asleep.

* * *

Wini woke me. I thought it was time for supper as my stomach growled but instead she said we had arrived at our port. "I slept the entire time?"

"Yes. You must have needed it. Come on now, eat what I've laid out for you and then we'll pack what is left and be on our way."

Again, I did as she bid and thanked her for the food, and for not waking me if I was truly sleeping. I did feel quite refreshed but a little worried that perhaps the tea contained more than just a treatment for motion sickness.

Wyn knocked on the door and entered after Wini said to. He lifted a bag from the corner, Wini took up her bag that held the dishes and they had me follow them. "Remember to keep your hood up, Sofia," Wini whispered. I was not sure if it was to hide the bruises on my face, or just to hide my face from anyone who might recognize me.

I followed them as we departed the ship and then left the docks and headed into more of a village than a town. "Where are we?"

"We are in Riverside, a village in Kerth."

I pulled my cloak tighter and kept my eyes on the ground in front of me. "Am I going to your home?"

There was a pause. "No. We are taking you to the home of our son, Lachlan. He's our second oldest, and you are welcome to stay there."

"He lives in Kerth?"

"Goodness no," Wini took my arm and walked with me. "We still have a way to go."

"Cedric did not tell me exactly where I was going."

"That is because Cedric does not know dear." I pulled away from her, suddenly afraid. "Don't be frightened. If Cedric were to be questioned, even by another sorcerer, he would not be able to say where you could be found if he did not know. When the time comes, he'll meet you. He told us that the Duke was ruthless and would likely do anything to keep you or find you." I did not answer. "He's the one who struck your face, isn't he?"

I shrugged. "It's nothing."

"You've said that before," she frowned. "Does it hurt? I'm surprised Cedric did not heal it."

"I have not been near Cedric since before it happened. It doesn't hurt much."

"Once we are outside town I will heal it."

"It's all right, really. It helps to remind me of _everything_ I left behind." It was true. Roland had hurt me, not once or twice but several times. And even though I vividly remembered his sometimes-sweet words, and the way he made my body respond to his touch, I had to keep forcing myself to think of him striking me, and strangling me, and him leaving me alone and in danger. I just wished that continually thinking of those things would cancel out my affection that had grown for him. My throat froze and I strained to hold back tears.

"Would it help to talk about it? Not right now, of course with Wyn and all these people about, but…"

"No. No, I mean we could talk about other things, but not that. Will you contact Cedric soon?"

"After you are settled with Lachlan, we will contact him to let him know you are safe and well."

We turned a corner and found an inn. Wynn went inside. "We stabled our horses and carriage here," Wini explained. The rest of the way won't be such hard travel, but it will be long."

Minutes later, the carriage was brought to us. I expected a driver and footman but Wyn climbed in the driver's seat himself. Wini opened the door and we let ourselves into the carriage. "You don't have servants?" I asked then flushed. "I'm sorry. That was rude. I just have not seen anyone drive their own carriage."

Wini laughed. "We have a few servants at home, but Wyn loves animals and he knows we need time to learn about each other. You will be my daughter-in-law someday, won't you?"

I flushed again, and blinked a few times. "I don't know that there has been a proper proposal, but we have talked about being together." I remembered Cedric's words from a few nights ago, deepening the red in my face. _You are mine, Sofia_ , and _I'm staking my claim right now_ , and _I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you_.

Wini laughed. "He has written about you to us several times. I think a proper proposal, as you say, is imminent."

I smiled. "I hope he can come soon."

"He will."

"Will he be able to find work? I guess it's not just him," I corrected. "Will I be able to find work? I can cook and clean."

"Right now, you will be working for Lachlan as a housekeeper. It's a small house, and it's a ruse, but he could use your help. He lives alone and-"

"Is that proper?" I was going to ask if Cedric knew but remembered that he did not know where I was going. "I mean, if he's single and I-"

"Even bachelors need housekeepers, dear. No one will think otherwise."

"Do Cedric and Lachlan get on well?"

Wini bobbed her head and her eyes moved for a moment while she thought. "I would say out of all our children, Lachlan and Cedric are the only ones who get on well with each other." She sighed. "I must explain because if I don't tell you, Lachlan will, and he is often melodramatic." Wini had my full attention. "Once in a while, two sorcerers can have a child that does not have magic. Lachlan is one. He tried to learn so very hard but even with potions, he just was not able. It is the law that those without magic are not allowed to live in the Albumia province, so Lachlan lives outside whereas the rest of his family, those without appointments, live in Albumia."

"I did not know."

"It is also the law," Wini seemed to choose her words wisely, "that if a sorcerer cannot pass all their magic exams, they too are not allowed to live in Albumia, so Cedric, though he can visit, cannot live with us again. And you are like Lachlan, which is why you cannot stay with Wyn and me."

"I never knew there were so many rules. Perhaps I should go my own way?"

"Nonsense. Lachlan will help you and Cedric. And though Cedric will never find as prestigious a position as he has now with Duke Roland, he was always skilled at healing. He would make a fine physician somewhere."

The guilt must have shown on my face. "Oh, Sofia. Do not worry. He loves and will take care of you."

"He's really giving up everything for me? His research and his income?" Wini nodded but my brain was in overdrive. "We have to stop at the next town. You have to send him a message. Tell him not to leave for me. He deserves better. I am not worth this."

"Absolutely not." Wini sat up straight. "Besides, what would you do?"

"I would find employment somewhere, far away."

She narrowed her eyes and looked at me hard. "Do you realize you are the only loyal friend my son Cedric has ever had? He would be crushed to find that you would want to leave him now."

"I don't want to leave him, but I don't want him to ruin his life over me."

"He's already made his decision, dear girl. Now, buck up. You are starting to be as melodramatic as Lachlan." She sucked air in through her teeth then laughed. "Perhaps having you stay with Lachlan might not be such a good idea. When Cedric arrives for you, you will both be in your cups, bellyaching about the world."

I could not help but laugh, though I had not yet met Lachlan. "I could use some good cider or wine right now."

"The inn we stay at tonight will have at least one of those," she laughed with me.


	34. Chapter 34

A/N: Sorry for the crazy ride. Sometimes I don't even know where this story is going when I sit down to write a new chapter. Please continue to R/R!

* * *

It was farther from Roland's castle to Lachlan's house than it had been to get to the palace. Along the way, Wini and Wyn had purchased some new clothing for me, nothing as elegant as what I had worn previously, but also more comfortable than the servants garb Johnna had given me. Cleaner too.

The path to Lachlan's home was hardly discernable when we turned off the main road, but Wyn knew the way. "Will you be staying?" I had asked Wini during one of our many conversations. She said they would stay one night, but then they had to get home themselves.

My stomach twisted with nervousness as we drew up to the two story, stone house. It was bigger than a cottage, but minute compared to the castle. I spied a cow fenced in a pen, and chickens pecked the ground here and there. "Don't be nervous," Wini patted my hand.

"Once again, I find myself thrust upon the kindness of strangers. You and Wyn have been so good to me, and you don't even know me."

"Cedric knows you, and I trust his judgement. And Lachlan will take care of you until Cedric arrives."

Wyn helped us down from the carriage a moment after we stopped, and I looked up at the house. It was pretty, in a wooded area, and isolated. I looked about and realized how much safer I had felt in the castle, with guards nearby.

The front door opened and a man stepped out. I gasped but tried to cover it up. For a moment, I thought Cedric had arrived before us, but as the man came closer, I could tell he was slightly taller, had slightly lighter colored hair, and a less prominent nose. Out of habit, I began to curtsy, then caught myself and knew I looked foolish.

"Lachlan, this is Sofia," Wini beamed, putting her arm around my shoulders. "Sofia, our son Lachlan. He looks a bit like Cedric, does he not?"

"I can see some resemblance." Lachlan half-smiled but Wini pushed me toward the front door before we could speak.

"You will like it here." The front door immediately led to a small parlor with worn furniture and a large fireplace on the end wall. "Here is the kitchen," Wini beckoned me to a door to my left. Popping inside for just a moment, I saw a large fireplace, table and chairs, a counter and washtub and a door to the back of the house. "It's quite large for such a small place." I nodded politely and then she led me back to the parlor and a staircase to the top floor. "There are two rooms here." She pointed down the hall, "That is Lachlan's, and this," she led me to the room above the kitchen, "will be yours." The room contained everything I would need, a bed, a chair, and a small table that held a water pitcher and basin. Lachlan and Wyn brought in my bag with clothing. Wini and I removed the clothing and began to hang the dresses from the pegs on the wall.

"Do you require anything else?" Lachlan asked.

"No, thank you." I smiled at him, but then looked away again. He looked so much like Cedric and yet Cedric was so far away. I wanted him there with me, immediately.

Lachlan and Wyn left. There were two small windows in the room, one looking over the front, the other over the back of the house. "It's so quiet here."

"It is, isn't it? I'm sure that will be quite a change for you." I nodded. "Come, let's see about a meal." We descended the stairs again and found Wyn and Lachlan in the kitchen already.

"What shall we make?" Wini began to rummage through a cupboard.

"I've already got a stew going, Ma." Lachlan grumbled.

"How about bread? And do you have vegetables in your garden yet?" She peeked into her son's oven, finding fresh bread.

"The vegetables are in the stew."

"All right, all right."

"Sit down, Ma. This is _my_ house."

Not sure if I should take that as not being welcome, I peaked at Lachlan. He was not looking at me, but he did have a strained look on his face as he watched his parents. I kept my eyes down.

"Come, Sofia," Wini waved at me, "we will sit in the parlor and wait for our gracious host to bring us drinks."

I heard Lachlan grumble and Wyn laugh before the door closed behind us. We sat on the small couch, and wincing as it creaked from our weight, though I did not think we were so heavy. "What does Lachlan do?"

"Odd jobs, I think. He's a wonderful carpenter." I frowned, looking at his furniture. "Though I think he works for others, not himself." Again, I wondered if she could read my thoughts. "And he has a small farm here to sustain himself."

"Where will you and Wyn sleep tonight?"

Cedric's mother smiled at me. "My dear, Wyn and I are skilled at taking one thing and making it another. This couch, will be a wonderfully, comfortable bed tonight."

I smiled. She did seem to do more than Cedric ever did with magic. Unconsciously, my hand wandered to feel the amulet still hidden under my clothing. _But Roland did not trust magic_ , I reminded myself. I remembered his rage when he thought that Cedric had taught me magic and I had burned him.

"Sofia, what is it?"

Looking over to Wyn, I said, "Nothing. Why?"

"You went somewhere else for a moment. Does magic bother you?"

"No! No, I remembered something and lost track for a second. I apologize."

As Lachlan carried in a tray, Wini patted my hand. "Soon you will have many better memories and fewer bad ones." I nodded with a smile.

"It appears I'm out of tea," Lachlan stated, "but I've got cider."

Wini made a tsking sound, but I said, "That sounds lovely."

Lachlan cracked a half-smile and I had to look away from him again. We spent the evening together as Wyn and Wini did most of the talking. Lachlan answered their questions with short answers, and I tried to take in all the information I could about Cedric's family that I could.

The stew was hearty and after a few cups of cider, I was finally feeling very relaxed. "May I be excused?" I finally asked. "I think I need sleep."

"Of course," Wini said. "Go to bed girl."

"Wait," Lachlan rose as I did. "I will get you a lamp. There isn't one in that room." He hurried to the kitchen then came back with a lamp, already lit.

"Thank you," I briefly met his eyes, then walked to the stairs. "Good night, everyone." Only Wini replied with words. Wyn grumbled and Lachlan said nothing, but I could not look at him again. I wanted to see Cedric.

* * *

Cedric's parents left mid-morning. I waved to them, as they both sat upon the driver's seat, then I returned to the inside of the house nearly running into Lachlan as he was coming to the door. We both apologized to each other and laughed nervously.

"Thank you for letting me stay here for a while," I said, not looking at him directly in the face. "What can I help you with?"

"I don't need a housekeeper." He was blunt. "But if you want to help here and there, you can."

"I need to earn my room and board."

He barked a laugh. "I don't know the entire situation, but I know you don't have magic, and from the look of your hands, you are a lady, not a servant, and either I intimidate you or you hate me because you won't even look me in the eye."

I looked at him then. "No, that's not it at all."

"Really?"

"I mean, yes, I'm intimidated. I have little idea of where I am or what the future holds," Lachlan shook his head as if he did not believe me, "but when I look at you, I see Cedric and I miss him."

"So, it's true? Cedric really found someone who likes him? Have you even met him?" I flushed and he laughed. "Well."

"And I may have nice hands now, but I used to cook and sew and other things. I'm not saying I'm great at it, but I can help."

"I rise before dawn and take care of the animals. If you are up early and want to start breakfast, I won't stop you."

"All right then."

"Just, don't keep looking away. I'm not Cedric. You'll figure it out soon enough."

"I'm sure I will."

* * *

Over the next few weeks, Lachlan and I settled into a routine. I was accustomed to rising early, but not as early as him. By the time he came in from tending to the animals, I was just starting breakfast. Lachlan did not complain. Then he usually disappeared for a few hours to the barn where I assumed he was working. I dusted and cleaned, though the little house was hardly dirty. Once a week I cleaned the laundry, after he showed me where the equipment was outside.

That whole time, we rarely spoke, except at meals and I was beginning to see that he was not like Cedric.

One morning he told me he was going into town and asked me to make a list of items he needed to purchase. He gave me paper and a pen, and I jotted down what we needed then handed it back to him. Lachlan glanced at the paper, then at me and back at the paper.

"I thought you lived in a castle."

"For a little over five years. Not my whole life."

"Who taught you to write?"

I blushed furiously. "My brother, and other children who knew some things before that."

"You were the daughter of a duke and never had a formal education?"

My anger reared. "I was _not_ his daughter and he never treated me as such! I apologize for such poor script. If you can't read my writing, then I will tell you what I wrote and you can write it."

"Would you like to learn to write better?" I had not expected the conversation to turn this way and my surprise must have been evident. "I can show you a few things that might make it easier, otherwise, practice is the key."

"I don't read very well either. I'm sure that has something to do with it."

Lachlan shrugged. "I could teach you some tricks there as well."

Not sure what to say, I shrugged. "If you think I'm teachable."

Lachlan gave his now famous half-smile. "You got this far without formal training. You can learn." He took the pen from me and mumbled, "Just need to add paper and ink to the list." Then he looked back at me. "Besides, as much as Cedric is a bookworm, he's likely to need your help."

I smiled at that. Cedric did like his books. And Johnna was a writer. I was surrounded by literate people. I had to let Lachlan try and teach me.

"I will be back later." I watched from the front door as Lachlan went to the small stable for his horse, then went back inside to think.


	35. Chapter 35

Lachlan returned just before noon, his horse carrying all the goods. He brought them into the house and I put them away. "Ma sent me a letter," he remarked after everything was in its place. He pulled a thick envelope from inside his coat. "She never writes me. I'd bet anything it's for you."

He broke the seal and pulled out several sheets of paper folded together. He set the outer two sheets aside as if it was nothing, but I recognized the writing immediately. "That's from Cedric!" I grabbed for them.

"It's blank," Lachlan looked at me funny.

"No, he wrote it so only I can see it. He's done this before."

"Huh," he looked at the paper more closely. "If you say so. Look, Ma wrote letters to both of us." He pulled a couple more sheets out and handed them to me, while he took a few and sat at the kitchen table.

I picked up the letter from Wini. She wrote cryptically but said a letter from _her son_ was included and hopefully I could read it. Otherwise, she wrote that she and Wyn were doing well, and hoped that Lachlan and I were getting along. Wini apologized for not writing earlier, as she and Wyn had gotten home very quickly, but that there was a talk of war, and the sorcerers had been quite busy. She reminded me to stay indoors if possible, and not to worry, everything would be fine.

Glancing over at Lachlan, I could see he had already finished reading his letter, and a scowl sat on his face. Wini's letter ended with her asking me to write her and let her know how things were with me. Refolding the letter, I put it in my apron pocket, while still holding Cedric's letter in my hand. "Is all well?" I asked Lachlan.

"Yeah, Ma just likes to get into everyone's business."

I chuckled then became serious. "Is it still ok for me to stay here?"

"What?" he looked at me. "Of course! This isn't about you." Pushing the chair back from the table, he stood. "They probably told you about me, eh?"

"A little."

Lachlan moved closer. "Well, it's true. I don't have a magic bone in my body, and because of that, the family that still communicates with me, treats me as if I'm an invalid."

"But your parents love you."

"I know, but they still treat me as if I can't take care of things myself."

"That's why you don't talk to them often." He nodded. "Wini told me they did not talk to Cedric much either."

Lachlan sighed. "Ced is the only sibling that understands. He gets to work as a sorcerer, but he never could pass the exams, so he won't ever find real employment as a sorcerer anywhere else. You know that, right?" He studied me hard.

"Cedric did not tell me, but Wini did." My guilt crept up inside again.

"From what I hear, he'd make a great physician."

I nodded. "He helped my brother, James. I don't think James would have lived as long if not for Cedric. It was just us taking care of him. And when others found out how well Cedric was doing with James, they started asking Cedric for cures and potions, and stuff." I shrugged. "He became very busy." My thoughts wandered to helping Cedric in the laboratory, and then the other stuff.

"Don't you want to read those blank pages you are holding?" Lachlan's half-smile teased.

"Oh!" I lifted the papers. "Do you mind if I go to my room?"

Lachlan laughed. "Go. I'll start lunch."

I rushed up the stairs, shut my bedroom door and lay on my bed.

 _My love,_

 _I was hoping this letter would find you just before I arrived, but I fear not. I have let my employer know that I am resigning, and he has done much to try and make me stay. There have been many visitors, and much work to do as there is talk of betrayal and war. I do not want to raise suspicions so I have agreed to stay another month._

 _Your friend departed a few days after you, and she arrived home safely. She hopes to hear from you soon. There is so much to tell you, but I will tell you when we are together. In the meantime, stay where you are and do not let anyone see you. Lord Ian and others have been looking for you and the duke commands they not stop until you are found. I received word that you were safe, now I just worry that you are in good hands._

 _I have already sent some of my belongings away, so do not worry, I have little to pack and I will be with you soon. Don't forget to wear the amulet. It has protected you before, it will again._

 _My thoughts go back to the last night we had together. I dream about you often. I can hardly focus on my work. Please do not forget how much I love you. I will soon be with you. And if you need anything, please contact my parents immediately._

 _All my love,_

 _C._

I crushed the pages to my chest _. So, he knows I'm not with his parents. And Johnna is safe._ My ire rose a little at the thought that Cedric was staying another month for Roland, but it was true, if he departed so soon after me, it could look suspicious.

I read the letter again and paused on the part about Roland sending Ian and others to search for me and not to stop. _Why would Ian want to help with that? Doesn't he want to be the ruler of both provinces?_ That did not make sense to me, but then again, Ian held information that was dangerous to Roland, yet was still helping him. None of that made sense. I felt a chill. _What if Roland does find me? What will he do to me? I'd never be able to escape again._ I was sure he would lock me in the dungeon then, or even in a room aboveground with no way out.

I put the letter under my mattress and went downstairs to the kitchen. "Made you a plate," Lachlan said, as he prepared another. I sat at the table, in front of the plate, staring at the bread and the leftover meat from the night before. Lachlan sat as well. "You all right?"

Shrugging, I said, "Duke Roland has people searching for me."

He nodded biting into his meat. "I know," he said while he was chewing. His horrible table manners made me giggle.

"What?"

I rolled my eyes. "Talking with your mouth full."

He swallowed and gestured to my plate. "You could too, if you would eat."

"Cedric won't be here for a while. And what if I'm found?" I nibbled on the bread.

Lachlan sat back. "Hardly anyone comes out here, and if anyone does, just hide inside or upstairs. None of my siblings even know you exist, from what Ma says, so only she and Dad know you're here."

"But if Roland figures out that Cedric helped me, and he traces this back to you, I'm only going to bring danger to you."

"Sofia," Lachlan gave me a half-smile. "It would be very hard to find that I'm related to Cedric. I've basically been shunned by the magic community and most of my family. In fact, most of my family doesn't even know where I live. We are a long way from where you lived."

"Lord Ian of Kerth is one of those looking for me. And Riverside is where your parent's carriage was. How far are we from Kerth?"

"Riverside was on the edge of Kerth. We are several days southeast of Riverside, and you must remember, part of your voyage was by ship, downriver. They may not know how fast you travelled for portions of your trip." His hand covered mine on the table. "I won't let anything happen to you, all right? I mean, you are the only friend Ced has ever had, so you must be the _chosen one_." His eyes rolled. "If I let someone steal you away, the gods would curse me and the world would probably end."

"Stop," I chastised his teasing.

"It's true though." His half-smile became a whole smile. "Besides, by the time that letter made it to Ma, and she sent it on here, Ced will have less than a month left to work. He'll head to our parent's place and then here."

I sighed.

"You hate being here with me that much?" He put a piece of meat between two pieces of bread and bit down.

"No! I never meant-" I saw him laughing at me and I shook my head. "I guess this will give us time for you to teach me to read and write."

He nodded and swallowed. "We'll start tonight. I've got some work to do this afternoon."

* * *

True to his word, Lachlan did have some tricks to teach me for reading and writing. Once I had memorized a few simple rules, words came to me quicker and I found I did not have to move my lips as much while reading a book.

As for writing, Lachlan sat next to me, and held my hand, guiding it until I got the feel of drawing each letter upon the paper. Then he had me practice each letter over and over. I felt like a child, but admittedly, I was improving. After practicing each letter for what seemed millions of times, he had me string words together. Even I could see the difference when he showed me the shopping list I had written weeks before. I was so happy I hugged him and kissed his cheek. We both turned red and made excuses of having to be somewhere else.

I wrote back to Wini, sticking the letter into Lachlan's so he could send it the next time he went into town. I also wrote to Johnna, signing my name as John Moore. I did not give her my location but told her that I was well and thinking of her.

Each time, Lachlan came back from town, he became more withdrawn. He had told me that he rarely went into town, but since my presence meant there might be a higher chance of mail, he tried to go once a week. One evening, he was so quiet I had to try to get the information out of him.

"I know something is wrong, Lachlan. Please tell me."

He shook his head. "It is nothing."

"Now you sound like me. Don't lie, it's not nothing. What is going on?"

Lachlan took a long drink of cider. "The information we get out here isn't always correct, and often we get the news long after the events take place. It seems war has erupted across the land. King Stephen was attacked."

"No!" I gasped.

"He's fine, the attack was squelched and the perpetrators were punished."

"Who did it?"

"Henry didn't know. I don't think anyone out here knows. But several duchies have revolted against the king."

My stomach sunk as he went on. "Do you think Cedric would be able to travel at such a time?"

"Depends on when the war started, and if he already left."

"There was no mail?" There had not been for the last two weeks.

"No." I took a deep breath to calm myself. "He will still come, Sofia. Ced is smart; he'll find a way. He just might be delayed."

"What else is there?" I asked. "You seem down."

"I just hate politics and war. I like to be left alone out here. I don't mind you being here, I just hate…. society in general. There was also talk of conscription."

"The dukedom that we are in, is it loyal to the king?"

"Yes."

I could not decide whether to be relieved or more worried. If either the king or Roland found me, who would punish me the worst?

"What are you thinking?" Lachlan asked.

We stared at each other for a moment. "I…" shrugging and looking away, "well, it probably doesn't matter right now, but the king does not exactly like me either."

"You know the king?"

"Not really, but I was presented to him, and a few days later I was banished from the palace."

Lachlan laughed for the first time in days. "You lie!"

I could not help but laugh with him. "I'm not lying, but I think under other circumstances, what I did would not have been punished, or at least not warrant a severe punishment."

"What did you do?"

I told Lachlan all about the royal court and most of what had happened. He agreed that if the king had not hated Roland so much, or if I had not been part of Roland's household, the prince would likely have never even told the king what had happened. "Remind me never to cross you," Lachlan laughed. He poured me another glass of cider and then one for himself. We had never had a second glass with supper before, but this night it felt right.

We talked late into the night about his family and mine, commiserating over those we lost whom were close to us, and drank more cider. Finally, I said I had to get to bed. We left the dishes for the morning and stumbled up the stairs. "I've never felt this good," I laughed.

"That's sad," he said. "I would have thought love feels good."

"That's a different good. This is a…I don't care good."

"Yes. I feel good too." We made it up the stairs. "I bid you a good night, Lady Sofia." Lachlan tried to bow but stumbled forward, knocking us both into the wall as I tried to catch him.

"That would not be a proper bow for a proper lady."

"Are you a proper lady, then?" he asked.

"No. I'm not. So, just call me Sofia, or I'll have to start calling you Lord Lachlan." My tongue strained to say his name and we both giggled.

"Lord Lachlan," he drawled. "I think that is my new name. Let's not forget this for tomorrow."

I belly-laughed. "Good night, Lord Lachlan. But I'm not going to curtsy right now. I will fall for sure. And you are in no… no…" I could not find the words, "you are too drunk to catch me."

"Good night, Lady Sofia." We separated, laughing still, and when I got to my bed I did not even bother changing into a nightgown. I lay on my stomach on the soft bed and fell asleep.


	36. Chapter 36

Another week had passed and I was itching to leave the house and help Lachlan in the garden or see what he was doing in the barn, but everyone's warnings to stay inside were creating fear. Finally, I could not take it anymore and I went out the back door. That was exactly when I heard a knock at the front door. Freezing in place, I panicked wondering what to do. _What if I go back in and they come inside without waiting for someone to open the door?_ The stairs were plainly visible to anyone who entered the front door.

"Lachlan!" a man called.

I saw movement by the barn and Lachlan stepped out but he did not see me. "In the barn!" he called. The front door opened and I realized the visitor was going through the small house rather than walking around. I jumped away from the back door and looked for a place to hide. The well was not big enough to hide me, and the nearest tree was too far. I darted around the edge of the house just as the back door opened.

"There you are," the man greeted Lachlan.

"Henry." I peeked around the corner to see them shake hands.

"I had some mail for you, and Mrs. Berry said you were building her a new milking stool. She can't get away from the house so I offered to come out and fetch it."

"It's in the barn," Lachlan nodded his head that way. "Thanks for saving me a trip this week."

"I noticed you've gotten more mail lately."

"Yes, my ma isn't so well these days. Just keeping in touch a little more."

Henry grunted in agreement and began to follow Lachlan to the barn. I moved to go to the front of the house, but as I started to turn the corner, I saw two horses, and one rider. Ducking back around the corner, I prayed the second person had not seen me.

"…brought my boy with me," Henry said from somewhere. I heard their steps getting closer.

"I hope Mrs. Berry is pleased," Lachlan said.

"A milking stool is just a stool, ain't it?" Henry laughed. "Say, how's your crops doing? It's nearly harvest time."

"I don't have much for crops this year. It's been pretty dry."

"Sure has. The king's asking farmers for a second planting this year, if they can do it. They need food for the troops.

"Even this far south?"

"We're more likely to get another harvest in before winter."

I could tell Lachlan was thinking. "Any news?"

"Naw, just rumors. Bunch of the lads are planning to go off to the capital city and enlist for the king. Few others have said there's a chance for a new king, one with blood ties to the former royal family and King Stephen. I don't know nothing about that."

I heard the horses nicker and then Lachlan said, "You and me both, Henry."

"Oh, I forgot! You know the duke of Kerth? I guess his son was given the duchy north of Kerth. I can't never remember the name of it, but it seems that duke was one of them who is against the king."

I forgot to breathe for a second. "What happened to the former duke?" _Thank you, Lachlan._

"Don't know. I heard he was one of the leaders of the revolt though. I hope King Stephen takes all their heads."

"I'm sure he'll do something," Lachlan said.

"Well, I best get back. Oh, here's your mail." I peeked around the back of the house again. This time, Lachlan saw me. His eyes got big but he looked back at Henry with a smile.

"Thanks, Henry. I really do appreciate this. Did you say your son was with you?"

"I did."

"I'll walk you through the house and go tell him hello." The back door opened, but I did not move until I heard the front door shut. Then I sneaked through the back as quiet as possible, and peered into the parlor before quietly climbing the stairs. The window in my bedroom was open, so I kept out of sight until I was below it.

"It was good to see you," Lachlan called and I heard the horse hooves as they clopped away. A few minutes later, there was a knock at my door.

"Are they gone?" I said, just above a whisper.

"They are gone." Lachlan came in and I pulled myself up from the floor.

"I'm sorry. I just wanted to go outside so bad and of course as soon as I did, someone came and then I was going to sneak in the front but there was someone out front."

"I don't think anyone saw you."

"I am so sorry."

"Don't be sorry. I hate being stuck in this old house too sometimes." He tilted his head, "So then I go out and spend hours in the barn. Wow, I trade one cell for another," he laughed, "anyway, you've got two pieces of mail." He handed me the opened envelopes. "They were both addressed to me, but, you are more popular." He made a pouty face.

"Oh, stop." I hit his arm with the mail. "This one is from your mother. I thought you were tired of talking to her anyway."

"But she's _my_ mother, not yours." He could not keep from giving me his half-smile before turning toward the door. "It's safe to come downstairs if you want."

I followed Lachlan downstairs and sat at the kitchen table to read the letters. The first was indeed from Wini, explaining that she had heard from _her son_ that he was well, but nothing more. She did write there had been battles and rumors of an uprising near Roland's castle, so Cedric's healing skills may have been needed. I felt like she was apologizing for him, which she did not need to do. The rest of the letter was about Lachlan and how I needed to make sure he was not overworking me and he was being a proper host. _You may have to tell him to read my previous letters,_ she wrote at one point, and I laughed out loud.

Picking up the second letter, I saw that Wini had also written a page that folded around the others. She said this letter had arrived at her home, and though she knew the names were false, she read through the letter and decided to send it on to me. _I hope you don't think I am trying to pry, dear, but the letter was written from a J. Moore to me, then inside a short note said to send it on to wherever you were staying. I checked it for magic, but I do not find any._ Quickly turning to the bulk of the letter, I saw Johnna's script and began to read before finishing Wini's note.

 _Dear Mr. Moore,_

 _I am writing to you because I have had a new idea for a novel, but before I hash out all the details I wanted to run it by you. You seem to always know where I should add detail or what I should strikethrough. Here is the outline of the story._

 _A man has overthrown his father and taken his place, but not as king, a lesser title. The father had been a tyrant for many years and the family had fallen apart. Let us name the main character Andrew, the man who took his father's place. Andrew has a sister who disappeared while their father was still the lord of the land. She could have been stolen or murdered or ran away, I have not decided yet. But now that Andrew is the lord, he desperately wants to find his sister, or at least find out what happened to her._

 _Andrew's father had tried to find her, and Andrew's wife thinks it is a waste of time, but Andrew thinks his sister has a bit of knowledge that would help Andrew in his quest for power. He sends all the people he can afford to search for her, but it is not many, as he is still quelling disputes from his father's supporters. He does however, enlist the help of a powerful sorcerer, who has enchanted an item that the girl once held dear, and with this, the sorcerer is closing in on the location of Andrew's sister._

 _However, along another storyline are other sorcerers, who know the sister's whereabouts, and why she is no longer at home. They must work to stop Andrew's sorcerer from finding the sister. And they must also warn the sister that she is in danger. These are her allies, but are they ready for battle? What if they are preoccupied with other duties?_

 _That is where I've had some writer's block. You see, I have not decided yet what the sister might know that would benefit Andrew, nor why she would be in danger of her brother finding her. It was the father that was the tyrant. However, perhaps the father had also turned to the sorcerers for help in this matter. See, Mr. Moore, how you make my brainstorming so much better? Perhaps the father was still intending to do his daughter harm, but her brother may be trying to protect her. I'm not sure how that will play out._

 _Frankly Mr. Moore, I do not have an ending yet, but do you think this story about Andrew would be interesting enough for a novel? Do not write me back now. With the increasing skirmishes, I hate to put people's lives in danger just to deliver mail. Also, the king has designated the roads for the military, and all other travelers must travel off road or only on the road when it is not being used._

 _I will see you soon enough, as I believe we will both be attending our good friend's wedding. You can tell me what you think when we meet there, and perhaps I will have a better yarn to spin for you in person. Until then, take care my friend._

 _J._

I read Johnna's letter again and again. I knew she was trying to tell me something, but I was not sure I understood it all. I went back to finish Wini's note. _This sounds like a dire warning for us all, but I'm not sure exactly what it means. Perhaps you can enlighten me. I think I shall soon come for a visit. Tell Lachlan, please. He hates when I just appear. And take good care, dear._

That was all. It was a warning. But what was Johnna saying? _If I was the sister, who was Andrew?_ James was dead. Michael was too young. I grabbed the papers and went to find Lachlan. He was not in the house, so I cautiously stuck my head out the back door.

"Lachlan?"

He came to the door of the barn, looked around. "There's no one here, come on out."

I ran from the house to the barn, shoving the papers toward him. "Will you read these? There's a message and I'm trying to figure it out." I waited while he read, looking around the small barn with two horse stalls, plenty of hay, a work bench with tools and a lot of pieces of wood, some identifiable, some that was probably scrap.

Lachlan finished, shuffled through the pages, and scratched his head. "I think you are the sister."

"I got that, but my only living brother isn't quite a year old yet. He could not be a lord. And only a few of us even know he's alive."

"And your other brother died. Are you sure about that?"

"Cedric and I were with him."

Lachlan nodded. "But you had a sister. And she was married."

"Not when I left." I tried to count the weeks I had been gone in my head. "She could be now though. They were waiting for the end of the season."

"So, technically her husband would be your brother-in-law." I frowned and thought. "Did you get along well with him? Your brother-in-law to be?"

"At first, but then he blackmailed me, threatening to kill Michael, and to tell Roland about Cedric." I saw Lachlan's confusion. "I haven't told you much because it's…I was hoping it would all go away."

"Did you hear what Henry said this morning? About the Duke of Kerth's son now being a duke?"

I nodded. "Amber wanted to be Roland's heir, but Michael was in the way. And if I married Roland and had a son, my son would have been the next heir. And Ian used me to get a list of names of those who opposed the king."

"Didn't I tell you I hate politics?"

Rubbing my face with my hands, I turned around, my eyes not seeing what was in front of me as I pondered what had happened. "So, Ian is Andrew and he's looking for me. But why?"

"Uh, your friend did not know." Lachlan waved the pages. "But he's using a sorcerer? And Andrew's father had used a sorcerer?"

"But what sorcerer could he use?"

"Cedric?"

"Roland did not trust magic or magic users. I suppose he could have asked Cedric to look for me, and Cedric would have drawn out the process."

"So, Andrew… or Ian, could still be employing Cedric?"

I gasped. "Ian knew about me and Cedric. He would probably assume that Cedric was not helping Roland. Lachlan!" He stared at me. "What if Ian is holding Cedric as a prisoner or something worse?"

Lachlan grabbed my shoulders and looked in my face. "Listen, Sofia. Do not jump to conclusions ok? Cedric could have been gone long before Ian took charge. Come, sit down." He led me over to a wooden rocking chair that was needing a stain. I did not like how far back I leaned but my sitting seemed to comfort Lachlan. "Give me a minute." He began to read Johnna's message again.

"I think she's saying that someone, a sorcerer, is tracking you. And I get the feeling that Cedric is on his way, but that it will take him longer as he may not have access to roads."

"So that might be what she meant about travel."

"It's a good possibility. Unless you think she is travelling?"

"No. No, she lives at home and not far from the palace. But if a sorcerer is tracking me, I need to leave here."

"And go where?"

"I don't know."

"You can't think of any reason Ian would want to find you? Your friend says it's not necessarily with ill intent."

"I don't know." I shook my head. "Let me think." He stayed silent while I rocked myself. "He was only nice to me when he was trying to court Amber. Then he threatened me and Michael because he wanted the names of Roland's associates, which means he must be aligned with the king. But his parents seemed to stand with Roland when I met them. However, Amber is King Stephan's niece. I don't know anything else that Ian might want to know. He seemed surprised to see my face at the funeral."

"You said the King hates Roland. What about Amber? And who's funeral, why was Andrew, I mean Ian, surprised?"

"Amber was not banished from of the castle with Roland and me. She stayed and was invited back. She said the king offered for her and Ian to be married at the palace, which would have stopped Roland from being able to attend, but then they decided to marry in Kerth." Lachlan was rubbing at his eyes with one hand as if he had a headache. "I'm sorry. I should have just married Roland and not brought anyone else into this mess."

I pushed myself up from the chair. "I can turn myself in. It won't end the war, but perhaps it will-"

"No!" Lachlan turned on me. "I'm sorry for yelling," he quieted his voice and took a breath. "I haven't known you very long, and I have to admit when Ma told me I'd be playing host to a guest, I was not exactly thrilled, but turning yourself in will solve nothing and only create heartache for the people who care about you."

"But-"

"Sofia." His tone told me to stop talking. "We can leave here. I've already told Henry that Ma's not well. I'll have him keep an eye on the place and we can go away for a while."

"No, Lachlan. I have no way to reimburse you and-"

"Will you stop talking?"

I sighed, my shoulders slumping, as I looked at him expectantly.

"I know someone who owes me favor. We'll go there for a short time. I'll run a message for Ma this afternoon and we can leave tomorrow. And who's funeral? You didn't answer me."

"The morning I left we had a funeral for Michael."

"So why would Ian be surprised you were there?"

I looked away. "It was not that I was there, it was… Roland and I argued the day before and he struck me. Ian saw my bruises at the funeral. It wasn't the first time Ian saw bruises, but I don't think he knew Roland could do that."

"And you were going to marry this man?"

"I had no choice! Cedric told me to play along until I could get away! I didn't want to! And things just kept getting more complicated."

"What an idiot!"

"I know, I'm sorry."

"Not you! My stupid brother! He's the idiot."

"Maybe Ian is truly worried about me. He knew I didn't want to marry Roland. I guess it's possible he's a nice guy. But he threated my brother's life."

"We need to err on the side of caution. Let's go back to the house. I'll write a note to Ma. Let me know if you want to include anything and I'll take it to town. You could do some baking this afternoon so we have food for the road."

I nodded and followed him out of the barn and into the house. I started preparing to make bread and Lachlan sat down to write his mother. He startled me when he put his hand on my shoulder. "I'll be as quick as possible. Make something hearty for supper while you're at it. Especially since we missed lunch today."

"I will," I smiled. Lachlan left through the back door and a few minutes later I heard the horse hooves growing fainter as he departed.


	37. Chapter 37

Lachlan and I left early in the morning, just before sunrise. I was still sleepy. From the time Lachlan had gone to post a letter to Wini, to the time I finally succumbed to exhaustion, every little noise frightened me. Even the one dream I could remember was about people in robes chanting and chasing after me with spells.

The pack horse was ready and we walked next to it, heading south toward the road. Lachlan said the road would take us straight to Rocky Cliffs, a seaside city, and further away from the palace and the war. I asked what would happen to his animals, and Lachlan said that Henry would come and take them to his own home, then just check on the house once a week or so.

I apologized and Lachlan shrugged. "I've been needing some adventure in my life."

Scoffing, I rolled my eyes. "No one needs this kind of adventure."

We walked most of the day before reaching the road, and even then, Lachlan said we should walk a way beyond it and set up camp for the night. We decided that we would take watch in shifts, and he let me sleep first as I had not slept much the previous night. The sounds of the outdoors lulled me to sleep quickly and if felt like only minutes had passed when Lachlan was shaking my shoulder to wake me.

After much yawning, stretching and walking around, I was awake enough to let Lachlan sleep peacefully. Sunrise seemed to take forever to come, and all I could do was ruminate about what led me to this point, to this place. It seemed as if all my life I had been reacting to what was happening to me or around me. Until lately, I had never had any plans for my future. _I still don't have set plans._

Finally, the sun rose and Lachlan, his horse, and I were headed back to the road. We rode most of this day, as the path was clear for the horse. We stopped to have lunch after the sun reached its zenith, and watched as others passed by on the road. "It will be busier the nearer we get to Rocky Cliffs," Lachlan told me. Most of the time though, we were alone on the road, and I was fine with that.

Toward evening we passed through a small town. I longed to stay at the inn and sleep in a real bed, but did not even ask. We merely stayed on the road for a little way farther.

"Let's make camp near here," said Lachlan. "I'm not used to riding so long."

I nodded and we dismounted. Lachlan led the horse away from the road, into a hay field. "You'll eat good tonight," Lachlan stroked the horse's nose. I smiled and followed. We unpacked and unsaddled the horse, and I settled on the ground while Lachlan finished with his animal. Later, we ate bread and cheese, but did not make a fire.

I was feeling more relaxed in a way. Only Lachlan and I knew where we were; he had not given even Wini a clue as to where we were going. "Do you want to sleep first?" he asked me.

"I can if you are ok staying awake."

"I'll take first watch."

Spreading out my bedroll, I lay down and looked up at the sky. A sliver of what I could see was still violet but was fading into a dark purple then nearly black with stars. We were lucky there had been no rain as of yet. The autumn season would soon be upon us and the temperatures would turn cooler, even this far south. My eyes closed and I fell into a slumber.

* * *

Something made me wake, but I did not remember a loud noise or anything touching me. My head went to where I had last seen Lachlan, but in the dark, he was not visible. Immediately sitting, my senses seemed to sharpen in the dark, and my heart began to race. As silently as possible, I stood and peered over the top of the hay surrounding us.

The hay rustled with a small breeze, but other than that, I heard nothing. Not even Lachlan's horse. _He left me._ I don't know why I thought that, but it was the first thing that came to me. Cautiously, I moved toward the road, wanting, but afraid to call out his name.

I was so busy looking over the hay, where there was more light from the moon and stars, that I did not watch where my feet were, and I suddenly stumbled over something large. I hit the ground hard, my palms and elbows being the only thing to save knocking my head. My legs were still across what had tripped me. Squirming to get off, I realized it was Lachlan on the ground.

His eyes were closed, but as I touched his face I felt a warm, sticky substance. "Lachlan," I breathed, holding his head tighter. "Lachlan, wake up."

Then I heard something behind me just before my upper arms were grabbed. I made to scream but one of the hands covered my mouth and nose as I was pulled backwards and into another person. Light pierced the dark as my amulet came to life. I threw my free elbow into the person holding me, and I heard bones break as it made contact. They let go with a sharp exhale of breath and turned to see a man, well dressed, and wearing a sorcerer's insignia.

"You've broken my ribs!" he breathed raggedly before lunging for me again. My amulet flashed as his one hand caught my throat and like the man in the village, I saw this sorcerer's eyes widen and he let go. "What…magic is…that?" He was bent over in pain.

"Who are you?" He did not answer so I turned and released Lachlan's knife from his belt and rounded on the sorcerer. "Who sent you?"

"Duke Ian," he spat.

"What does he want with me?" My arm was shaking terribly.

"He wants you home. Come, put down the knife. I can utter a spell before you could hurt me with that."

"No. Who are you?"

"Who I am…matters not." He stepped toward me and I unconsciously stepped back toward Lachlan. "Come on, girl. I will not hurt you."

"Then why did you hurt him?"

"He'll wake in due time. Come with me."

"No!" The sorcerer began to chant some words and suddenly it was as if I was in a translucent box, with a violet light source coming from the amulet.

"What is that?" The sorcerer spat. Then he rushed me.

I cringed, not knowing if he would be able to come through this nearly invisible shield, and I readied the knife, though I had no idea what I was doing with it. The sorcerer met the shield and for a moment his body shook with its contact, then he flew back several feet.

The shield dissipated and tears came to my eyes. "Lachlan, wake up," I jabbed my foot into his side. It took the sorcerer a moment before he understood his surrounding again. "Lachlan!" The sorcerer painfully came to his feet. I was sure more words had come from his mouth but I could not hear them clearly.

"I was going to take you back gently, but the duke did say I could use force if needed. Take off your jewelry, girl." I shook my head, and the sorcerer came closer. "Who made that for you?" My only answer was raising the knife again. "Why don't you take off the jewelry and hand it to me before your hurt yourself. I'm only here to bring you home, to your family."

"My family is dead. All of them."

"Was it them who gave you the magic jewelry?" His steps were slow, but steady. "Is it a family heirloom?"

"Stay back," I growled, strengthening my resolve. "You don't have to be hurt."

He laughed slow and easy, like his steps. "I won't hurt you, Sofia." This man using my name made me tense even more. "I've been given the task of bringing you home. Your brother-in-law wants to make sure you are safe."

"He's not my broth-" the sorcerer recited a string of words and I suddenly felt very faint and dizzy. The knife fell from my hand and I my knees buckled but I heard screaming. As with Roland, at first I thought it was my screams but then realized it was someone else. The world stopped spinning and I pushed myself up onto an elbow as I lay on my side. The sorcerer was on the ground, but no longer screaming. His eyes were open, and his head lay at an odd angle. Then I saw something move above him and my eyes scanned upwards.

I gasped, trying to crawl away, Lachlan's body impeding my path. The person above the sorcerer seemed so tall from where I was, and my amulet was not glowing anymore, leaving us engulfed in darkness again, and a bit of temporary blindness.

"Sofia," a voice called out.

"Lachlan," I could not help but sound a little relieved. "Lachlan, we have to run."

"Sofia!" I looked down. Lachlan's eyes were still closed. I looked up and the dark figure now standing over us. "It's me, Sofia." Suddenly a dull blue light appeared and I saw a hand that the light was held in, and then a face behind the hand.

"Cedric?"

"Yes."

"Cedric? Is it really you?"

"Yes." He dropped to his knees beside me so I could see him better.

"I'm dreaming! This isn't really happening!" I threw my arms around Cedric's shoulders and began to cry.

"Shhh, Sofia. Don't cry. I'm really here." His hands rubbed my back. "Shhh."

"How do I know the sorcerer didn't put some spell on me and I'm just dreaming you are here."

"Because the amulet protected you. And the amulet led me to you."

I pulled back to look in Cedric's eyes, though the little light he had created was gone. "Cedric."

"Sof-" my lips crushed his before he could finish saying my name. I had missed the taste of him, and the smell, and the way he held me. He put his hands on my face and broke our kiss. "Sofia, what happened to Lachlan?"

"Oh! I'm so sorry, I totally forgot!"

Cedric laughed and his little orb of light appeared again as we both moved closer to Lachlan's side. "He's just unconscious, but he's going to have a horrible headache when he wakes."

"He was keeping watch," I started and told Cedric about all that had happened since I woke. Cedric removed his cloak and covered his brother.

"Let's get your belongings and move here. I don't want to move him." Cedric rose and began to limp with me.

"You're hurt."

"I'm all right. It's been a long journey."

"What happened?"

"It's a long story, that I will tell you, but not right now." His hand found mine and our fingers entwined.

"There it is," I pointed at the bedrolls and saddle. Cedric helped me carry everything back to Lachlan. "I'm not sure where the horse is."

"Perhaps we'll find it in the morning."

"Cedric, you look exhausted. You sleep and I'll watch for a while."

"Are you sure?"

"I can't sleep right now anyway." My eyes trailed over to the sorcerer's body. "Is he dead?"

"Very dead." He lay out my bedroll. "If anything else happens, the amulet will still work. Just make sure to wake me."

On my tiptoes, I kissed him again. "Cedric." I whispered, my hands moving around to the back of his neck.

He laughed at me. "I've missed you too." Our mouths moved together for several minutes.

"All right," I pulled away. "You need to sleep before this goes too far."

Cedric laughed again and lay down. "Sit beside me and hold my hand?"

"Yes!" I held one of his hands in both of mine once he was comfortable. Then I listened as his breathing slowed and he was completely calm. I wanted to curl up with him so badly, but I knew I had to guard him and Lachlan for just a little while. Then they could watch over me again.


	38. Chapter 38

A/N: So sorry for the long wait. Life happened, a lot, and I didn't get anything published. I apologize.

* * *

I woke mid-morning. Cedric had risen just before dawn, and said he would tend to his brother, who was still unconscious. He had told me to sleep, which I did not think I could do, but waking proved it had been possible.

Lachlan was just rousing as I woke, and Cedric was helping him to sit up against the saddle. "Who?" I heard Lachlan say, then he muttered, "Oh, it's you." His hand went to his head, "What did you do to me?"

"It wasn't me," Cedric motioned with his head to the body not too far from us.

Lachlan squinted in that direction. "I don't remember what happened. Sofia?"

"I'm right here," I crawled over to him. Cedric had cleaned much of the blood from Lachlan's face.

"Thank goodness," Lachlan rubbed his temples. "If you weren't here then I knew Cedric would murder me. Although I think he's already tried."

"Murder would be too easy," Cedric muttered.

I put my hand on Lachlan's cheek to feel for a fever. "How is the pain?"

"If you cut my head off, I'm sure I wouldn't feel a thing," he grimaced.

"Do you have any healing potions, Cedric?"

My sorcerer was already rifling through his bag. "I do," he mumbled, "But it's going to make you very drowsy."

"I can ride and sleep."

Gritting my teeth, I shot Cedric a look, hoping the horse had come back.

"When I arrived," Cedric said, "there was no sign of a horse. Not sure if the other sorcerer scared it off while you were taking such good care of Sofia or-"

"Cedric!"

"I _have_ been taking care of Sofia!" Lachlan grumbled. "You could have at least sent her another message through Ma! If I was her, I'd have given up on you weeks ago."

"Lachlan! Both of you, stop it!" I rubbed my forehead. "Cedric, give him the potion."

Both brothers scowled a little, but Cedric told Lachlan to hold out his tongue, then dropped two drops onto it. Lachlan swallowed, and within minutes his facial muscles were more relaxed. "Will that actually heal him?"

Cedric shrugged. "You don't want to heal too fast because there could be complications." He put the stopper back in the bottle, "But this will start the healing process and provide pain relief."

"Do you think it's safe to stay where we are for a while?"

"Was there only one sorcerer looking for Sofia?" Lachlan asked.

"Most likely. Most sorcerers are busy creating enchantments for the war, or healing potions. There aren't many that are not already occupied. Ian sent him, I'm guessing?"

I nodded, "That's what we think. Why did Ian want me found? What's been going on since I left?"

Cedric settled down next to Lachlan. "We probably should stay here another day, to rest and such. I could use it. Lachlan needs it." He sighed.

"You owe Sofia answers," Lachlan smiled drowsily. Cedric patted the ground next to him and I sat. He took my hand in his and we could not help but smile. "Oh, now I'm going to be really ill," Lachlan made a face. I laughed and Cedric rolled his eyes.

"So, the funeral. You left and Johnna went to your room, as you, and laid out your funeral clothing on your bed, and rumpled your bedclothes as if you had lay down for a while. A servant saw Johnna leave your room, so the plan worked. Well, for the most part. It was hours before it was discovered you were gone. The duke had gone to see you but could not find you. Ian was the only one who questioned what happened after the funeral. He had seen you, but he never saw Johnna go back to the castle, and for that reason he interrogated Johnna and me, several times, trying to get us to slip. We stuck to the story, but he didn't believe us."

"But Roland believed it?"

"Roland thought you'd been kidnapped at first, because Michael had just been killed, but then he seemed to come to terms with you running away. Johnna said it was impossible. She said you had been so looking forward to a wedding and that you wanted her there for that very reason. Johnna played her part well. She stayed on longer than she needed to, trying to investigate and find clues. The duke was the one who sent her home, fearing that she was putting herself in danger. Granted, I think he just didn't want to have to answer to her father if something happened to Johnna. And of course, Ian and Johnna were continuously butting heads."

"Why?" I asked.

"She said something to him about the blackmail and how she had made sure that if anything untoward happened to her, everyone would know that Ian had killed Michael and most likely killed you. Ian backed off a bit after that."

I clapped a hand over my laugh, feeling ashamed that Johnna's threateningly brilliance amused me. "And you, what did you do?"

"The duke asked me to make a spell to find you, and to consult runes and astrology and-"

Lachlan laughed heartily. "This is the duke that didn't like magic? He does understand that runes and astrology don't actually work, right?"

"He was desperate," Cedric smiled, "and yes, he is not one for magic. He gave me a kerchief from your room and asked if I could use it to find you. I gave it my best try, of course," Cedric rolled his eyes again, "but the kerchief told me nothing. "The runes, however, told me to look toward the palace."

"No! Roland knows I would never go back there!"

"Does he?" One of Cedric's eyebrows went up. "Well, about that time, the duke was very anxious about certain names that might end up in enemy hands. So, he organized a coup on the king, and _he led it himself_."

I gasped. "Was he caught?"

"Yes, I believe so. I guess I should back up a bit. Ian and Amber were married before that, and so the duke left Ian in charge. Also, Ian's father had a few men in on the coup. Several dukes and lords had men in the group, if they were not in it themselves. But Lord Ian had warned the king, so when Duke Roland and the others arrived at the palace, they were quickly arrested."

My heart stopped for just a moment, thinking about Roland in a dungeon, or being tortured. And then I remembered him threatening to put me in the dungeon, and what he had done. My care turned more into pity. I swallowed. "Is he alive?"

"Not sure, but I think so."

"So, Ian gave the king the list of names?"

"That is unclear. What is clear, is that Ian's father and many lords and dukes have had their titles and lands rescinded. King Stephan has promised the titles and lands to new men, if they will fight for him. It's brought a lot of devastation. There are even instances of younger sons of lords fighting their fathers for the chance to a title that would not normally be their birthright. Many soldiers have left their lords to fight for the king for the chance to rise."

"If I hadn't left, could this have been stopped?"

"If you had stayed, and married Duke Roland, you'd be a deposed duchess, likely with a price on your head. This was not about you, Sofia. It was going to happen anyway."

"How did you get away? The message you passed through Wini said you were staying longer."

"Wini?" Cedric looked at me oddly.

"Ma." Lachlan said, his eyes closed. "She calls them Wini and Wyn."

"She said I could." I stuck my tongue out at Lachlan but he didn't see me with his eyes shut. Cedric laughed. "So, how did you get away?"

"Ian knew I wasn't really looking for you. He knew something was going on but that I would never tell. As soon as Duke Roland left for the palace, I knew I had to be away. I actually left minutes before the duke, and I'm glad I did, as I heard that Ian had sealed the castle. Everyone and everything was inspected by the guards. Ian would not have let me go."

"How long ago did you leave?"

"Nearly a month, I think. I started out on the roads but after some trouble I stayed away and had to go around some towns."

"What kind of trouble?" Lachlan asked, his eyes still closed but a frown on his face.

"Conscription of all able-bodied men. Cutpurses and bandits. The usual."

"Is that why you are limping?" I asked.

Cedric shrugged. "I got a little beat up. Luckily, I wasn't carrying anything too valuable. I sent all that on to Ma before even you left," he smiled at me. "But they did get my bag," he patted it, "when they attacked me by surprise. When I came to, I tracked them and used a few simple spells on them. Last I saw them, they were enthusiastic about joining the king's army." His smile was bigger.

"Do you think it would be safe to head back to your house, Lachlan?" I asked, hopeful to be back where it was quiet.

He opened his eyes and looked between Cedric and me. "I think, Sofia, that Rocky Cliffs will be safer with all the people, and the ability to leave the kingdom altogether. And it's further from the palace."

I must have pouted because both men laughed. "It won't be all bad," Lachlan tried to console me as he reached for my hand. I saw Cedric's eyes flash for an instant. "I might just leave you two with my friend and head home myself." Lachlan closed his eyes again and relaxed.

"Get some sleep," Cedric told him, and the sorcerer stood, holding out his hand to help me rise. I saw Lachlan become more restful and Cedric pulled me away.

Cedric was still limping. "Cedric, can't you heal yourself?"

He did not answer. Instead, he pulled me into his arms and his lips found mine. My hands slipped up around his neck and the kiss became deeper. The next thing I knew, Cedric had used his leg to bend my knees and he lay me down on the ground gently, his body partially covering mine.

"Your brother," I gasped between kisses, as Cedric's hand began to roam.

"He won't wake for a while." Cedric's lips found my neck and I gasped. My fist clutched the front of his shirt tightly and pulled. "I love you," he stopped suddenly, looking at my eyes. "Marry me, Sofia. The first chance we get. Marry me."

I could not help but smile. My eyelids fluttered and my breathing stopped as I tried to say _yes_ or _I will_ or something.

"You don't want to marry me," concern flooded his being.

"No. I mean, yes! I…I didn't know what to say! But yes!"

"You'll marry me?"

"Yes!"

After that, I was glad the hay was tall. Unlike in my bed, where Cedric took his time, we were naked quite quickly, and Cedric was inside me. It was not as comfortable as before, but his body and mine were together, and that was all I wanted. After, I lay with my head in the crook of his arm while his fingers traced over my hip and stomach, his lips kissing my face now and then.

"You are perfect," he murmured.

I giggled. "Compared to whom?"

"Compared to everyone." He nuzzled my hair.

"So, did you miss me?"

"Every second. Did you miss me?"

"Sometimes."

The look of mock horror on his face made me laugh, but then his teeth grazed against me neck, making me gasp. His fingers found my nipple and squeezed. "Apparently, I need to make sure you remember me better," he whispered.

"Just don't leave me again, and I won't have to miss you." My fingers traced his jawline.

"Sofia?" Lachlan called.

Cedric and I stopped cold. "I'm here, Lachlan. Are you well?"

"I…is Cedric here too?"

"Yes," Cedric called.

"What in the hell did you do to me? My head feels like you ran a wagon over it. Where are you?"

"Be there in a minute," I called, pulling away from Cedric, and toward my clothing strewn nearby. Cedric forced me back down, pinned me under him and gave me one last, long kiss. Lachlan kept speaking but neither Cedric nor I were paying attention. "I love you, Cedric."

"I love you."


	39. Chapter 39

It took us a few more days to make our way to Rocky Cliffs even after finding Lachlan's horse which had not wandered too far away at all. Cedric still had a pronounced limp and Lachlan a headache, but we set a leisurely pace, each of us taking a turn to ride, as both men thought there was probably not another sorcerer looking for me. A few times, we did leave the road as men marched past. Many were tied together, but it was the first time that stuck with me.

"Why is that?" We peered through tree branches.

"They were conscripted. Not all men want to fight."

"Is that what happened to you?" I was frightened for Cedric and Lachlan.

Cedric shrugged. "Similar." He must have heard me take a deep breath because I felt his arm around me. "I'm here now." That was little comfort. The men looked like nothing more than slaves. I could understand some of Roland's hatred for the king in that moment, and that made me think of Roland, and wonder what he would have done.

Rocky Cliffs, from what I could see, was about the same size as the city outside the palace. The smells were different and the air felt heavy, but Lachlan said that was the sea. Asking if we would see the sea was answered in a shake of the head and a "not today." We wound through streets full of people and animals and Cedric pulled me close to his side, as if he was afraid I would disappear. This city was different somehow. The clothing, the slight accents, the birds flying overhead, I could not help but gawk at everything.

It was when we stood in front of a large building with many windows that Lachlan finally told us his friend's name, though I later found it to not be her real name, as she had a hard time answering to it. After stabling his horse and grabbing our packs, Lachlan led us inside, where a hall with many doors led to the back of the building. Then we ascended several flights of stairs, every other flight leading to another hall with many doors. Finally, Lachlan ushered us to a door near the back of the building.

An old woman answered, and Lachlan said, "Delana." At first, she was surprised, but then I saw her recognize Lachlan. "It's you," she half-smiled.

"I've come to call on that favor."

Her eyebrows raised in question.

"May we come in to talk?"

She nodded, opened the door farther, and waved for us to enter, but once inside, she did not invite us to sit. "What is the favor?" Delana asked cautiously.

"This is my brother and his fiancée. I need for them to be able to stay with you until they find their own place or passage to somewhere else."

"I told you I wouldn't help do anything illegal," she regarded Cedric and I carefully.

"There's nothing illegal here," Lachlan assured her.

"Trying to not be conscripted?" Delana's eyes narrowed.

"That too," Lachlan nodded. "Look, I know you don't have a lot of room, _Delana_ ," he emphasized her name, "but hopefully it won't be for more than a month or two."

"Will you be staying?"

"Perhaps not as long as them."

"You can't leave, Lachlan," I said. "If you go, we will go with you."

"Sofia," Cedric murmured squeezing my arm.

Lachlan ignored me and continued to speak with Delana, who finally agreed. "I don't have enough beds. You'll have to make do with the floor. And I can't feed everyone. I have a small pension."

"We have bed rolls," Cedric nodded. "The floor will be fine, and meals won't be a problem." I looked up at him. He seemed so confident while my stomach churned.

"I don't want any problems…" the old woman said, wringing her hands.

"We'll do our best to avoid them," Lachlan replied calmly.

She looked at Cedric and me. "What are your names?"

I almost answered but Cedric squeezed my arm again. Lachlan nodded at Cedric and said, "This is Cedric and Sofia. My younger brother and soon-to-be sister-in-law."

"There is a resemblance." The old woman eyed Cedric. Then she turned to me. "Are you in trouble girl?"

"Trouble?" I felt faint.

"She's not pregnant," Cedric stated. "That's not why we are affianced."

I looked between Cedric and Delana. "Do I look pregnant?"

This made Delana laugh, turned and walked away. "I will make us some tea. It seems Lachlan and I must catch up." He followed her to a small room just off the main one we were in, and I took that to be the kitchen.

"Do I?" I asked Cedric more emphatically.

He smiled and kissed me. "Would it matter if you did?"

"Cedric!"

Laughing, he took my pack from me and set our things in the corner of the room. "No, Sofia. You do not look pregnant."

"Then why did she ask?"

"Because, sometimes that's why people run away to be married."

"But I could be. Would that make this bad?"

"No. Because we will be married soon and no one will know the difference." He must have seen me frowning because he came back over. "A baby isn't such a bad thing, you know."

"But, I don't even know who my father was. And I always swore I'd never be like Mother, and here I am, doing what she did. Living with strangers, not being married and possibly having a baby."

Cedric pulled me into his arms. "I'm here and I'm not leaving you, baby or not. And we'll find our own place soon." We kissed. "You are not your mother."

A tear leaked from my eye as I realized how much I was like her. "What if I'm not a good mother?"

"Sofia," Cedric was stern now. "I saw you care for James, and Michael, and even Amber though you did not like her much. None of them were your children but you took care of them all. You will be the best mother." His lips found mine again and then he whispered, "and right now, I want to practice making you a mother."

We heard a throat clear and pulled away from each other like we had been caught stealing. Lachlan laughed quietly while holding a tray, and Delana followed him into the room.

"Sit," Delana instructed and each of us took a place in a chair or on the couch. At first there was not much to say but finally our hostess asked Cedric if he would be looking for work in the shipyard.

"I'm a physician."

Delana's face passive, she said, "Then the army will want you. You are too young and able to stay here long. The king needs physicians and fighters." She glanced at Lachlan. "The king will want you as well, if his men see you."

Lachlan nodded and I felt queasy. _Perhaps I could have talked Roland out of starting this. I should have stayed. I could have stopped people from dying._

"And what about you?" Delana asked me. "Are you sure you want to marry? You do not look well."

This drew looks from both Cedric and Lachlan. "I'm fine," I kind of squeaked, and set my tea on the table in front of us.

Her eyes narrowed in my direction, as if she was trying to see what was in my head. Then she glanced at Cedric and back to me. I saw distrust in her face.

Lachlan must have also seen it. "Truly, Delana, we are not here to cause you any problems. Cedric and Sofia will marry and we will figure out where the three of us are going from here." Lachlan finished his tea. "And we'll do it as fast as possible."

"Be sure that you do." She sipped her tea.

"Well, Delana, thank you for the tea. I believe the three of us would like to refresh ourselves before we go out and take care of some business.

"The privy is through that door," she pointed to a shut door on the other side of the room. "There is fresh water in the kitchen, however, you will need to replace it by pumping some from the back and bringing it upstairs."

"I'll do that," Cedric rose. "Sofia, why don't you go first?"

"I'll help, brother."

Cedric and Lachlan walked to the kitchen where each of them grabbed a vessel to fill with water. I went to use the privy, nervous of being alone in this suite with Delana. When I emerged, she was not in the great room, so I went to the kitchen to wash. She came in before the men came back.

"I am in debt to Lachlan," she said sternly, "however I am not in debt to you, nor will I be. You would be wise to find yourself a new home quickly." Then she turned and promptly removed herself from the kitchen. It was only a few minutes before I heard the brothers come back in. I wanted to change clothing, so I took a reasonably clean dress from my pack and headed to the privy again, not making eye contact with either man.

After changing clothes, I waited for Lachlan and Cedric as they took care of themselves. I had no idea what to do with my laundry, and I hoped they did. In the meantime, I took in Delana's furnishings. The suite of rooms was sparse, the walls bare and off-white in color. She had rugs that were more thread than floor covering, but the furniture was of good quality, which seemed odd.

Lachlan was the first out, sitting in a chair and looking at me. "Where will we clean our clothing?"

He laughed. "There are washerwomen who do this. We'll can drop the clothes off today and get them tomorrow."

"Delana doesn't have something in this…house?"

"It's not really a house. All the suites in this building belong to different people."

"So, it's not like a family home."

"Not at all." Lachlan stretched out his legs and yawned. "I'd like to take a nap, but it would be good for us to find our evening meal."

"Will we go to the market?"

"Not tonight. Tonight, we will go to an inn." I nodded. "Tomorrow we'll go to the market and do some other things about town."

Cedric walked out of the privy then, carrying some of his clothing. "Are we ready?" Both Lachlan and I stood, though I had no idea where we were going. Lachlan stuffed all our soiled laundry in his pack, Cedric offered me his arm, and we left Dalana's home.

The mid-afternoon sun was quickly sinking so the shadows between buildings were growing. Cedric pulled me closer as the foot traffic became denser. It was Lachlan that found the washer-women he had spoken of, and he haggled a price with them. Then we back-tracked and went to an inn we had passed on our way that looked decent.

A few people were inside, drinking, a few more were tuning instruments, promising that there would be music in the near future, and the serving girls all wore smiles on their faces. More than one sent Lachlan a big smile and we did not wait long at all to be seated and served ale.

"You could find yourself a wife here," Cedric laughed. "Perhaps we could both be married tomorrow."

Lachlan choked and almost spit out his ale. "Not funny," he finally said when he had put himself in order.

Cedric laughed but I only smiled. I knew Lachlan would be a great husband to someone and when his eyes met mine and looked away quickly I wondered if he had already met that someone, but was fated not to be with her.

Our food was brought almost right away, and was delicious after being on the road so long. The meat was warm and juicy, the bread fresh, and the vegetables soft from boiling. A light melody played from the trio who had finished tuning and Cedric's hand rested on my knee under the table. As I ate, my memories drifted back to the inn where Roland and I had stayed, and how he had left me and what had happened after. I shivered.

"Are you cold?"

I shook my head and took another bite, not willing to look at Cedric's worried face. Thoughts of Roland being tortured, or worse, flooded through me, and suddenly the food did not taste so good anymore.

"Are you feeling well?" he said more quietly. I could feel Lachlan's eyes on me too.

Swallowing, I breathed out, "I'm fine. Just tired."

Cedric squeezed my leg. "Finish eating and we'll head back to rest. With or without Lachlan." He gave his brother a half-smile.

The older brother rolled his eyes and asked for another ale.


	40. Chapter 40

I woke beside Cedric the next morning. Although I had been in his arms when we fell asleep, there was several inches of space between us now. Looking at him, his face and breathing peaceful, I longed to touch him and tell him I loved him, but I did not want to wake him. _I do love him, but why do I keep thinking about Roland?_ Groaning, I rolled over, facing away.

I tried to remember every single thing Roland said or did to me that hurt. But again, I realized some of that hurt because I did care for him. I did have feelings for Roland, and I did not want to. _What is wrong with me? Why…how did this happen?_ But I knew. It was the man sleeping behind me. He wanted me to play along. I sat up in anger, staring into the room barely lit by morning light filtering through a single window shade. My old anger at Cedric reared its head and guilt washed over me. Guilt for lying to Roland, guilt for not loving only Cedric, guilt for being angry and hating them both. The urge to run away from everyone and everything was strong, but then Cedric's hand reached for me, found me, and pulled me down against him.

"Go back to sleep," he murmured into my hair drowsily.

That was an impossible feat so we lay together while Cedric slept and I tried to think of anything and anyone else. Tears slipped from my eyes because I could not. Suddenly, Cedric pulled me around to face him, his eyes wide.

"Why are you crying?" he whispered.

"I'm not, my eyes are just watery."

"Don't lie to me, Sofia." He wiped the tears away. "What is it? Please, tell me."

"I can't," my voice broke.

Though it was dim, I saw his eyes turn to stone. "You can't, or you won't?"

He did not let go of me, even when I whispered, "Both." He pulled me to his chest, his arms holding me tight.

"Do you still want to marry me?" The question came after some time and caught me off guard.

"Yes." _Do I?_

His arms did not relax and I wondered if I really had a choice. I had nowhere to go, and Cedric was the only person in the world that I knew well enough. He and I were the only two who knew the truth about Michael, and how James had been treated, and about Roland and me. I pushed my face into Cedric's chest and remembered Roland's handsome face, and the way he expected everyone to agree with him, and how he had held me the night he spent with me in my bed. They had both spent the night with me, they had both told me they loved me, but I felt sure that Cedric was more genuine. _Then again, Roland could have any girl, but he chose me._ I did not realize that I groaned again in frustration.

"I would do anything for you, Sofia, please believe me." It sounded like Cedric was speaking through gritted teeth. "Please let me fix whatever is wrong."

"You can't." I took deep breath. "Only I can."

We fell silent as Lachlan sat up from his bedroll on the other side of the room. "You two awake?"

Cedric grunted as I began to pry myself from his grip. He did not let go easily. I climbed to my knees and began to pick up my bedroll. Catching Cedric's eyes for a moment, I could see a myriad of emotions, but I had to look away. Cedric followed suit, picking up his roll, and we took turns getting ready for the day, with no words, except when Delana emerged from her bedroom.

* * *

Though early, the roads were full of people going about their lives. Again, Lachlan seemed to know where he was going and I clung to Cedric's arm, afraid of becoming lost. Finally, we arrived in front of an official looking building, built of stone and not wood like so many we had passed. Lachlan opened the door and waved us in.

The level of noise from the street dropped significantly once the door was closed behind us. There were few people inside, and none were speaking until one man behind an immense desk asked how he could help us. Lachlan nodded to Cedric and Cedric and I stepped forward. "My fiancée and I would like to marry."

It felt like I could not breath. _This is it._

The man looked both of us over before speaking again. "You are not from here."

"No, sir."

"Why did you not marry at home?"

"We have not lived in the same place and are looking to make our home here." The man looked at me and I nodded in agreement.

"How old are you?"

"Seventeen." I knew I was not quite seventeen yet, and I had not looked at a calendar lately, but I knew I was closer to seventeen than sixteen, and older would sound better in this case.

"Where is your father?"

"My father is dead, sir." I glanced up at Cedric who mirrored my worry. _It's possible my father is not truly dead._

"In this province, a woman may not marry without her father's permission until the age of twenty-five," the man frowned.

"That's archaic," Cedric commented.

"I have been her guardian," Lachlan stepped forward, "for some time now, and I give my permission."

The man now studied Lachlan and I could see him putting the facts together. "You are related to the would-be groom."

"I am, but Sofia has been in my charge for some time. However, she and my brother love each other."

"Do you have proof of guardianship?"

Lachlan's brow furrowed. "No. How does one get proof when one opens their home to a young girl with no mother or father?"

The man's face became resolute. "You cannot marry here. By the law, she is too young and would need her father's permission."

"That's ridiculous!" Cedric interrupted.

"We are a coastal community that has too many men and women marrying, producing a child, and then the man goes off to sea, never to be seen again. And _we_ are left with women and children who cannot provide for themselves. There are reasons for our laws. You may leave." He waved his hand, dismissing us and looking back down at his work.

"Cedric," I breathed; he was trying to subdue his fury. "We'll find another way." I put my arms around him to hug him.

Lachlan grabbed one of Cedric's arms. "We aren't those people," Cedric said, but the man ignored us, and Lachlan and I pulled Cedric outside again. The noise and smells of the city greeted us immediately. "We have to go somewhere else."

"Or, just wait to marry for a little bit longer." Lachlan said.

"Eight years?"

"No," Lachlan rolled his eyes. "Wait until you decide where to go, and then get married there."

Not wanting to see Cedric's temper, I agreed. "It's just a little while, Cedric. The main thing is we are together now. Right?" I squeezed his arm.

He swallowed and looked down at me. "You are correct." He pulled me into a hug. "I'm sorry. I thought…" Cedric did not finish the thought and Lachlan and I did not ask. He sighed. "Now what do we do?"

"Go to the market, pick up our laundry, find work."

"You aren't staying here, though," Cedric looked sharply at his brother.

"I may have to." Lachlan began to walk away. "Chances are, you'll get Sofia with child, and then head off to sea. I might need to provide for her so she's not left on the mercy of the province."

Cedric made like he was going to punch his older brother, who lunged a couple paces away, laughing.

"Not funny, Lachlan!" I could not help but laugh as well. "You better not go off to sea without me, Cedric."

After that disappointment, and the slight relief that I felt, we made our way to the market, choosing food we could prepare at Delana's. Several times I felt as if we were being watched, but I assumed it was my paranoia. I was terrified that Cedric and Lachlan would be conscripted and I would be alone, so I was ever vigilant whenever I saw a uniformed man.

Then we collected our clean clothing and headed toward our temporary home.

"Once you learn the way to the market and Delana's," Lachlan said, "you won't need me. I think this afternoon we should look for work."

"Are there houses where I could be a maid?"

Lachlan said nothing but Cedric frowned. "I'll work. You will stay at Delana's, and later our own home."

"I can work. I can learn what I don't know."

"Someday," Cedric smiled, "when I've established myself as a physician, you can be my nurse, when you aren't busy keeping my house." This earned him a punch and he laughed. "Seriously, Sofia, let me take care of you."

"But-"

"No buts. My lady will not be working."

I groaned and Cedric laughed. _Is he doing this because I would have been a duchess with Roland?_ "Thank you," I murmured, not knowing the polite way to respond.

As we came upon Delana's building, I felt eyes upon us again and I tried to covertly look around but saw no one that seemed threatening. Still, I hurried both men inside and up the many flights of stairs, thinking if we were inside Delana's suite, no one would know which door to look behind to find the brothers.


	41. Chapter 41

After the evening meal, I sat next to Cedric in Delana's great room. Lachlan had dozed in his chair, and Delana was reading a book and doing her best to ignore us, and Cedric and I spoke quietly. The brothers had gone to look for work and an alternate place to live after our noon meal. I was terrified and begged to go with them, even though if they were conscripted there would be nothing I could do, but Cedric said I had to stay with Delana and to stop worrying.

So, the afternoon was spent with Delana trying to ignore me, while I did my best to ignore her. She had allowed me to read her books, and after browsing, I found one that did not look too difficult, but I mostly just let my mind wander, and kept trying to remember to turn the page every few minutes. I was not even sure what the book was about.

Now, I sat crooked, looking at Cedric as he told me that there was better work elsewhere, if we could afford the ship fare to take us. "Lachlan and I found some work on the docks. In a short time, we'll have the amount for our fares and some extra funds to get us through."

"Where will we go?"

"We haven't decided yet."

"So, Lachlan is coming with us? I hate to tear him from his home."

"Do you want him to go home?"

"No! I mean, he had a nice home, and then I came along… it's not fair, Cedric."

"He's his own man. He said as long as we settle somewhere quiet, and away from the war, he'll be perfectly happy."

"But his stuff-"

"He does not care about that. He's…" Cedric had to find the words. "He's had everything taken from him before. He learned to not care about possessions."

I wondered what all had been taken from him when it was determined he was not a sorcerer and could no longer live with his family. "People are cruel."

Cedric nodded and his finger traced mine on the seat. "Maybe, when we get where we are going, we can marry."

"Unless it takes you eight years to save for our fares."

He growled before he saw the smile on my face, and then he saw me. "Next time, we'll find out the rules first, and then I'll tell you what to say when they ask your age."

"Do you think I could look thirty?" I smoothed my hair and puffed out my chest.

"I'm not even that old yet!"

I giggled and he leaned closer. "I wish we had our own room right now."

Feeling the red creep through my skin I pulled away, but grabbed his hand. "If I was allowed to work, I would have the money to get us a room at an inn."

His opposite hand brushed my face and his jovial mood turned serious. "You deserve a home. A real home, one that is yours."

"And yours," I breathed. Then I swallowed and looked away. "We have to stop."

"Stop what?"

"Stop looking at me like that," I whispered harshly. "I want to kiss you."

Cedric's chuckle was louder than I expected and I blushed furiously again. From the corner of my eye I saw Delana watching us over the top of her book. "Just be careful, ok? I don't want you, or Lachlan, conscripted. The sooner we leave here the better." My last statement was partly because of Delana. "If I lose either of you…" I choked and could not say any more.

"Sofia," Cedric lifted my chin. "You won't lose me." He kissed me lightly on the lips. "And I think we'll have a heck of a time trying to lose my brother." We smiled again.

* * *

Over the next few days, the men left for work and I stayed with Delana, helping her clean and cook. We became a little friendlier as she taught me some things about cooking, and how life was lived in Rocky Cliffs. She invited me to the market with her, and I went gladly, as Lachlan and Cedric were eating larger meals before and after work than we first expected. Cedric had left me money and Delana helped me with my bargaining skills.

We also walked around and looked at the shops and carts that had nothing to do with food, but where jewelry and silks and clothing were sold. I found a dress that reminded me of the one I wore at the palace, the first-time Cedric and I danced together. My hand lingered on the fabric until I saw the shop owner giving me a suspicious eye, as if I could never afford such a thing.

"That color would suit you," Delana said as we walked away.

"I had a dress very much like that," I said, before realizing I may have said to much. The hair on the back of my neck rose and I felt as if we were being watched again. I looked around but again saw no one in a military uniform. "Do the men who conscript others wear military uniforms?"

"Not always." Delana stopped to look at a cart with a couple books. "They like to blend in." She lifted the book and began to read the first page.

My throat constricted and I looked around again. _Do Lachlan and Cedric know that?_ I thought they must, they seemed to know a lot more about the world than me. "Can you show me how to find the laundry workers? I will have clothes to take to them tomorrow."

Delana set the book down, nodding. "Follow me. It is not far from here." She pointed out which streets to turn down, using landmarks to guide me.

"Thank you." We retraced our steps and returned to her home where we had a light lunch before she settled down with a book, and I gathered laundry, dusted and did what I could to be useful before starting supper.

The next couple weeks were much the same. I would go to the market, and sometimes the laundry, in the morning, often without Delana, and in the afternoon, I would try to keep her suite of rooms clean so she had nothing to complain about. A few times I slipped out in the afternoon to look at homes or suites that were being let. Lachlan said not to worry, Delana would have us as long as we needed, but I remembered her words to me the first day. Cedric said we would have the ship fare soon and to stop looking.

One day, on my way back from the market, I not only felt like I was being watched, but I felt as if I was being followed. I turned and looked, studying the people around me, but again, nothing seemed amiss. I hurried buying food, not caring about haggling prices that morning, I just wanted to get back to the security of Delana's home. All the way there I felt the same apprehension and by the time I reached her floor, I was out of breath from running up the stairs.

Her door was locked, but she had given me a spare key in case she would be gone, so with shaking hands, I set down my purchases and unlocked her door. Looking up and down the hall, I saw no one. I grabbed the bags and went inside, locking the door behind me.

It took several minutes to catch my breath and calm down. Chiding myself for being paranoid, I went to the kitchen to store the food for later, then stoked the fire in the small stove to put on a tea kettle, thinking that might settle my nerves.

Before the water could even begin to warm, there was a knock on the door. I moved to the great room as silently as possible, and stood there. The knock came again but I was petrified. "Open the door, Sofia," said a male voice. I swallowed. It was not Cedric or Lachlan. _A sorcerer?_ "Sofia, I know you are in there. Open the damn door."

It could not be a sorcerer, the voice seemed so familiar. I moved closer. "If you do not open this door, Sofia, I will open it myself."

Fear of Delana's property being damaged outweighed my other fears and I unlocked the door, opening it to a crack.

"Who-" I could not finish the sentence. The man on the other side was tall, lean, with unkempt facial hair and longer hair on his head. His boot wedged in the door crack so I could not have shut it if I wanted.

"Sofia," he pushed the door open farther.

"Roland?"

He entered and looked around while I backed away. "I thought-"

"Did you, Sofia? Tell me what you thought?"

"I thought the king had you. I thought you were dead or being tortured."

"Funny," Roland smiled, "I thought the same of you."

"I'm glad you're not. I mean, what happened?" He moved closer and I backed up further.

"You mean besides my fiancée running away? And her scheming with my son-in-law to betray me?"

I shook my head. "No, Roland. I…"

"Did you murder Michael as well?"

"No! No, I had nothing to do with that. Roland-"

"And then I find you here with _Cedric the sorcerer_ ," he spat. "He was in on the coup as well."

"Roland, let me explain…" The tea kettle whistled then, making both of us jump. "Please, sit down and I'll bring you a cup of tea?" He paused, glaring at me while the whistling kettle grated my nerves. "Please?"

"I would like to watch you pour the tea."

I wondered why but then realized he thought I might try to poison him. "All right. The kitchen is right over here." He watched closely as I took two mugs from the cupboard, added tea and then the hot water. My hands shook as I lifted the mugs and moved to return to the great room. Roland was blocking my way. "Shall we sit?" I asked. He knew I was terrified.

Moving, he said, "After you," and let me through. I chose to sit in a chair rather than the sofa I generally shared with Cedric in the evening. I took a drink of tea, to show Roland it was safe, then set my cup on the table because my hands were still shaking.

"Why did you leave?" he demanded.

I swallowed. "I…A lot of reasons."

"Start naming them."

"Ian was blackmailing me and he threatened to hurt Michael and me," I watched his face, "but then I thought we were safe and then Michael died." Tears came to my eyes knowing that Michael was safe.

"What did Ian want you to do?"

"He wanted me to spy on you."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"How could I? Ian was following me. He always seemed to know where I was, and I was frightened. I wanted to tell you but he said he would _take care_ of Michael and me if I said anything. I burned the evidence."

"What evidence?" He leaned closer from his chair.

"Names of other lords?"

"It was you who broke into my desk?" Roland seemed astonished.

"I was trying to save Michael and myself."

"So Baileywick was correct. You are cunning little liar. What else did you lie to me about?"

Looking at my hands, which I was squeezing in my lap, I tried to think. Then I met his eyes again. "I was in love with Cedric, not you."

He regarded me evenly, showing no emotion right away. The silence was deadly and I feared that I had said too much. After some time, he spoke, "Why would you lower yourself to that level, Sofia?"

Now I was angry. " _Lower_ myself? He has never hit me, he's never been with someone else while professing to love me, he's never forced himself-"

"Been with someone else while professing to love me?" Roland laughed. "That is _exactly_ what you did."

"I don't think I ever said I loved you." I honestly could not remember.

"Does _your sorcerer_ know about our kisses, about what we've done?"

"Yes," I breathed, guilt washing through me. I had never given Cedric full details of the good times with Roland, but Cedric must have known something.

"He apparently does not have the money to take care of you." Roland waved his hand around without taking his eyes off me.

"I don't require money."

Roland laughed. I grabbed my tea and drank deeply to have something to look at other than the former duke. "If I had stayed," I ventured, "would you have still tried to depose the king?"

"He is not the true king." I was afraid the neighbors might hear the growl from Roland.

"If I had known about the coup, and asked you not to do it, would you have listened to me?"

"What is this about, SofIa?"

"I don't like war. Too many people are killed and there's men being conscripted."

"That happens."

"But they are being treated like slaves."

"Why do you care?"

"Because if I had stayed with you, would any of this have been prevented?" A couple tears slipped from my eyes.

Roland watched me, measuring his words before he spoke. "You are saying that you care about all these strangers and would have been willing to be my wife, to save all these random people. You did not care for me at all?"

"That's not true! I care very much for you!" The admission slipped out and I saw his smug smile and wished I could take the words back. "I was so worried when I heard that the king had you. I…I did not want you hurt. No matter how much you hurt me."

"I hurt you? I searched for you, but it seems I was lied to at every turn! And now look at me! My home, my only living child, gone. And you, _my love_ ," he sputtered, "I'm not finished with you."

"Roland," I wanted to tell him that I would marry Cedric but the words would not come.

He stood and took my arm, pulling me from the chair. "Did you really worry about me?" he sneered as he brought his face to mine. Then his lips were on mine, hard and bruising while he held me tight so I could not push away. I thought he might start to chew my face but then his kisses stopped. "As I see it, I have two options."

He kissed me again, and though his clothes were no longer fine, and they were filthy, and his beard was scratchy, I caught Roland's scent, and the taste of his mouth, and part of me relaxed against him as his tongue forced its way into my mouth.

When he pulled back the second time, I was breathless, but asked, "What are your two options?"

Roland smiled easily. "I can either kill you right here, right now, and let your poor, beloved Cedric find you." I stiffened in his arms. "Or I can wait for Cedric to arrive, kill him, take you with me, and kill you after I'm done with you."

We both heard a gasp but it took a moment to realize that it was not from us. Turning to look at the door, Delana stood there, eyes burning, and her knuckles white upon the door knob.


	42. Chapter 42

"I don't recall allowing you to invite a guest," Delana fixed her glare at me. I swallowed, and then Delana's glare moved to Roland. "And you, take your hands off her." She moved inside, setting her shopping bag on the floor carefully.

"We were just leaving," Roland pulled me roughly around the furniture.

"Already? I thought you were going to at least wait for Cedric?" Delana had a mocking tone and I shook my head at her, trying to tell her with my eyes that Roland was not playing.

"I will see Cedric soon enough," Roland's arm went around my waist as he pushed me from behind. I was willing my feet to not move.

"You are correct," Delana said, "you will see him." She whispered a few words and I felt Roland go stiff against my back. He groaned, as if in pain, but recovered. Delana, surprised, barely spoke her next words. "You. What do you have?"

Roland tightened his grip on me. "A little piece of security, so people like you cannot attack me."

"What?" I felt the fury in Roland's body. Looking at Delana, the words came out before I could stop. "You are a sorceress!"

Delana stepped toward us but Roland held firm. "Back away, witch!" Delana met my eyes and she whispered some words. My amulet cooled against my skin. Looking down, it was glowing faintly through my dress.

I panicked. "Roland! She's trying to hurt me!"

Roland shoved me behind him while Delana protested. "No! Sofia, what is that?" she sputtered. She whispered some more words and thrust her hand toward me, but the amulet only grow colder, and brighter, but it did not appear to hurt Delana. _Perhaps she was not trying to hurt me._

Roland had pulled a dagger and moved to grapple the older woman but I jumped and pulled his arm from behind, allowing her time to get away. His opposite fist found the side of my head, knocking me to my knees, breathless, and momentarily blind. I reached out, for anything, and found the nearby chair as a crash sounded. When my vision cleared, I saw a table smashed on the floor, and a pitcher flying through the air toward Roland, who easily ducked in his pursuit of Delana.

"Roland, no! Let her be. I'll leave with you, right now. Please!" I begged. I pushed myself to my feet, fighting nausea. "Roland!"

Delana's sparse great room contained only so many objects she could magically hurl in Roland's direction, but she was close to her bedroom door and when she could, she went through and locked it from the inside. Roland beat upon the door, yelling threats and cursing.

"Please, Roland, let's leave now. Let her be! I'll go with you, all right?"

He rounded on me, dagger still in raised hand. "You!" he seethed. "You have magic too!"

"No," I backed up, shaking my head and holding my hands out as if to keep him away. "Just an amulet, to protect me." He lunged forward, grabbed my dress collar and used his dagger to cut my bodice opened as I gasped, thinking he was going to stab me. Light from the amulet burst forth slamming into Roland so that he flew back several feet before falling to the ground.

"Why did you do that?" he snarled getting back to his feet.

"I didn't! I thought you were going to kill me!"

"Is this what really happened that day I was burned?" He looked hysterical but he was between me and every door. I had nowhere to run. "Did Cedric lie for you and say it was the window?"

I shrugged as I backed toward the wall, knowing nothing I said would placate him now. "Roland," I tried, "did you ever truly love me?"

His laugh chilled me. "You are the cause of every problem!" The wall was at my back now, so I could only move to one side or the other, but not far, and Roland held the dagger still.

Reaching up, my fingers gingerly touched the amulet. "Because," I went on, "I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. And I was not sure if I wanted to be with Cedric." _Did he hesitate?_ "But now, I see that you don't care about me. I don't know what I was to you besides a convenient possession." I was not even sure what I was saying, but I felt if I kept talking maybe he would stop coming toward me. "Roland, you are scaring me and the amulet may kill you if you come any clo-"

He lunged and I winced, screaming with all the breath I had as the dagger came toward my chest. The dagger disappeared into smoke before my eyes, and Roland crashed into me, grasping one arm with his free hand. His eyes widened so that I thought they might pop from their sockets and then he let out a wail which made my soul scream. His hand still had my arm as if he could not let go, but he sank to his knees in front of me, drool coming from his mouth, then blood as his chest heaved.

It was not until Roland was pulled away from me that I saw Cedric and Lachlan had arrived. Cedric wrapped me in his arms so that I could no longer see Roland; my face was buried in Cedric's chest. I felt him pant as he must have run from the docks all the way here. Not a word was said as Roland's breaths became harsher and more like gurgles and then eventually choking and nothing more.

Cedric pulled me away as I cried and clung to him, asking him in my head to forgive me for ever doubting how I felt. He did not let me go as Delana and Lachlan spoke quietly about what to do with Roland's body. Finally, Cedric lifted me and carried me to the kitchen, where he set me on the table and pulled away to look at me. "Sofia?"

I could not speak. I threw my arms around his shoulders and sobbed into the crook of his neck. "I've got you. You are safe," he cooed as he stroked my back. "I'm here. And the amulet did its job." He shuddered against me. "I'm here now and we are going to leave this place, all right?"


	43. Epilogue

Johnna was helped into the carriage after bidding her father goodbye. She smoothed her skirt and looked out the window, ready for the long journey ahead. Sliding a folded parchment from her pocket, she opened it to read, once again, the script which was much improved.

 _My Dearest Friend,_

 _Thank you for your timely letter about your story idea. In case you are still suffering from writer's block, I believe I have some suitable ideas, including bad sorcerers and good, favors that were owed, and the lord's father coming back into the story, before meeting his demise._ _I think we will have much to discuss when you arrive._

 _As for real life, thank the magics the war ended so quickly. We were about to travel farther away when rumors of those who capitulated or were betrayed reached us._ _Though we are not sure who was sentenced to die from treason, we personally know that one duke is no longer living and is not a threat to anyone anymore._

 _We have returned to my soon-to-be brother-in-law's home. He is almost done building an addition for us, and our future children._ _I love it here; it is quiet and peaceful and I was ecstatic when he asked us to stay with him._

 _My future husband has found work healing both people and animals in neighboring villages. It is long hours and much travel in this rural area, but he calls me his nurse and sometimes takes me along._

 _The wedding will happen shortly after you arrive. We could not imagine our dearest friend not being with us on that day, and I hope you can stay a while after._ _I cannot wait to show you the house and introduce you to my brother-in-law._ _Perhaps you will find some inspiration and a good environment in which to write while you are here._

 _The directions are enclosed. I am anxious to see you again and pray for your safe travels._

 _Warmest regards,_

 _S & C_

* * *

A/N: Thanks for staying with me and for all the reviews. I honestly had no idea of an ending when I started this story, and I toyed with a few endings... I think this is the best for now, though maybe I will write an alternate someday (evil laugh). This was my first fanfiction, though I've published already on fictionpress. Thanks again for reading and often cheering me up with your reviews! VictoriaJameson


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